Megan is an awesome friend and fellow photographer. She is also an awesome momma!

I spent some time with her and Seth celebrating their little guy and getting some cute shots of him!

WHAT A SWEET BOY!

OH MY!

Hi little man!

Josiah – you are so loved and so blessed! I can’t wait for you and Fitzy to grow up together!!

Belinda and I have known each other since about 8th grade! We went to the same church and then to Mansfield University! Belinda has known Jared longer than I have – having Spanish classes together!

Last January her “little” miracle was born! Belinda and I cried and prayed with each other for a sweet baby to have and hold and love. God answered our prayers and our boys are 3 months apart – almost to the day!

I cannot BELIEVE that little *C* is ONE already – which means Fitzy will be turning one way too soon!

I’ll take out that little mark by his eye for their photos – but I had to get a sneak peek up – and I always keep it in a copy too. Boys are boys – scrapes and all!

Isn’t he the sweetest!

OH MY HEART!

Belinda – I am so thankful you are in our lives! It’s so awesome that God gave us little boys to grow up together!

How can I be so absolutely sad for me yet so completely happy for you?

I’ve written about it before – when you want NOTHING more than to hold a child in your arms – you’ve lost a baby and you are trying SO HARD to have another. And then someone you love – your dear friend or your sister – tell you they are expecting. The first emotion for me is absolute rage and jealousy. Yes – rage. How dare you tell me that you are expecting. Don’t you know what I’m going through? Don’t you know that I want to be the one with the great news to tell? You know you have happiness in your now very dark brown – almost black heart – for them – but you really don’t want to look for it. So you hug them or tell them congrats. Then you walk away and you cry and you scream. And you ask God why them and not me. Why aren’t they experiencing this heartache – not that I would EVER want them to – but why?

Looking back on it – I’ve lost a couple good friendships because I couldn’t answer that question. I couldn’t watch them grow and be excited about their baby when every month my test was negative. Again. I couldn’t bear when they hugged me and told me it would happen – in God’s time. Because in the meantime I had to watch God’s timing unfold in their life right before my eyes. While I waited. And waited. And waited.

In 2010 I had a giant falling out with a VERY dear friend. What happened doesn’t matter now – but what happened on top of the issue – was that she told me she was pregnant. Their due date was in October. About 10 days after what would have been our little guy’s first birthday. I remember those emotions reading her email. I was SO FURIOUS. I literally saw red. I called my dear aunt L and sobbed to her. It’s not fair. After all THIS and THEN I find out she’s pregnant! I was honestly more upset about the pregnant part than the other. I missed out on her pregnancy – the birth of her sweet one – and the first year of that little girl’s life. Because I couldn’t bear to see her pregnant and not me.

Another friend announced her pregnancy RIGHT after we lost Enoch – it was so fresh and so painful. We wanted to be pregnant together and the simple solution was to try again. We tried. And tried. And tried. And nothing. Again – I couldn’t bear to watch this friend enjoy this beautiful miracle while I wanted it – craved it – so badly. We are still friends now – but not nearly as close as we once were.

There are at least TEN other women I know who announced their pregnancies right around mine. It will be hard. It will be unfair. It will suck. Please know that when I’m not commenting on your photos or updates – it’s because I have to hide you on fbook. I can’t see the weekly updates. I get so angry and jealous. I question again – WHY US – AGAIN. It’s not you. It’s me.

My brother and his wife are having another baby in early April. Why can’t we join them in the happy pregnancies and welcoming of babies! It’s a horrible feeling to have – especially against your brother. An insane jealousy. A complete unfairness.

EVEN THOUGH – I am SO HAPPY for them – all of them. So happy that their hearts will grow a little more for this baby joining their lives! Happy that their arms are full of a smiling – sweet smelling – miracle! Happy that their prayers have been answered.

How can you be equally happy and so sad at the same time? It’s so possible. I’ve been there. I am there again. I am there EVERY TIME I look at my list of names and pray.

How can you get through?

Jesus. Forgiveness. Love. Prayer. Honesty. Hugs. Prayer. Tears. Prayer. Jesus. Forgiveness. You get it.

My brother and his wife are awesome. They know I am so happy for them and sad for me. They are sad about their niece or nephew they don’t get to hold. They know that when I can’t talk to them it isn’t personal – it’s just a hard day.

The first friend I talked about – I feel like it’s been 10 years since we’ve talked – or seen each other – it’s “only” been two years – two years too long. But SOMETIMES the heart needs time to heal – most of the time actually. We have both grown so much in 2 years. I have learned so much and Jesus has been hugging me and loving on me and showing me forgiveness. He has answered my prayer. For a baby. For a sweet beautiful wonderful amazing (sleepless) child. In His time – you have to know how much I HATE WHEN PEOPLE SAY THAT TO ME. HATE. But – it’s true. Yuck. Jesus has forgiven me for my anger and my rage and my jealousy and my judging. And continues to forgive me cus I continue to feel that way.

This friend and I are now talking – we forgive and are forgiven. I miss her DEARLY. I am thankful for her forgiveness and willingness to make a new start.

Start this process with someone today – I know from experience that the worst that can happen is someone can tell you it isn’t genuine and to never speak to them again. It sucks. Or they can be a family member – and you try to ask what you’ve done wrong – can we fix this. And they totally ignore you. But YOU made the effort – you sought forgiveness. You apologized – genuinely. But the best that can happen is that you have a friendship again with someone you loved. Dearly.

I’ve made the BEST OF on onewed.com for 2008 – 2009 – 2010 – and 2011!

The 2011 award was changed a little this year – to a golden feather 2012 award – still AWESOME!

Thank you SO much to ALL my brides and grooms! Thanks for the reviews and for trusting me with your day! I LOVE YOU!

I’ve known Kelly for quite a while now! I photographed her sister’s wedding a few years ago and have done some family photos for them!

Her wedding was in 2011 – then it moved to 2012 – then we found out we were pregnant – then I referred them to Bridget Reed – then we miscarried – then Bridget (who is awesome for several reasons) let me know that she could be mine again – so here we are! Back on for her wedding in September – and SO EXCITED!

I love love love when puppies come to sessions!

What a DOLL!

SISTERS!

SO SWEET!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that cozy shot!

Kelly & Joe – thank you SO MUCH for your understanding and awesomeness in everything! I will see you in September!

I usually HATE vday – and still pretty much do – BUT this card was too cute to pass up – for FREE!

Stationery card

View the entire collection of cards.

I made the decision to take time off this fall with our new baby on the way. Now that little JC is hanging out with the big JC – that decision needs to be re-evaluated. I know that fall is one of my busiest times – I can book a lot of weddings and seniors.

I also know that this little guy is growing up way too fast. If for some reason – and even if not – Fitzy is our only child here on earth – I want to spend every moment I can with him. I want to take him to the pumpkin farm and play in the leaves. I want to watch my boys play baseball in the yard on a Saturday. I want to enjoy time with our friends and family.

That being said – with the exception of a few weddings that I am taking back on since our sad news – I will still be taking the months of July and September through at least January off. I will keep the few appointments that I already have scheduled BUT I will take new maternity and babies clients who want my . babies . babies . babies . package! And most likely a handful or two of seniors.

I am sad about this decision – I love love love LOVE photographing you – but like I said before – I love my family more. And after losing two sweet babies and not knowing how many – if any – God will have in store for our arms here on earth – I want to soak up every bit of Fitzy’s toddlerhood.

I am almost booked for the year already – with this decision. If you want to get in this year – or next – make sure to let me know soon!

Thank you again for your support and love and understanding and awesomeness!

I’m afraid of the dark. I think I always have been. I seriously didn’t go upstairs in our house at night (even with the lights on) until late middle school. LAME!

I’m afraid of bees – not allergic – just crazy afraid. When we were getting off the bus one day – Samm came up behind me and said – look Danielle – a bee! I had just gotten the mail – and SCREAMED! I threw the mail all over the driveway – tossed my backpack in the yard – and may have taken off some clothes in an effort to get the bee away from me. Samm came in the house later – crying from laughing so hard. She had a cotton ball bee in her hand she had made in art class. LOVELY! She loves to tell that story!

I’m afraid of flying – I hate it. When I’m not drugged – I am not a joy to fly with. When we get in the air I start asking questions. Why are we in the air. Why aren’t we falling. How high are we. How much does this thing weigh. What was that bump. How on EARTH are we just flying through the sky in this GIANT plane! AHHHH!

I’ve experienced a new irrational fear since becoming a mom. Well – kind of new. Take some guesses – letting other people drive the car with him in it – sleeping on his belly – leaving him overnight. Nope. None of those.

My irrational fear is letting him eat food. Let me explain a little.

When I was in high school – I went through a period where I couldn’t swallow. Or so I thought. For about 4 months I think – I ate pecan swirls all mushed up – applesauce – yogurt – anything that wouldn’t get stuck in my throat. Crazy right! It’s the way my anxiety comes out. My mom took me to the doctor and there was a real name for it – but it is a psychological thing – in your head. Get over it or your life will SUCK – is what he told me. So my mom had to work with me on learning to chew and swallow and not panic about dying and choking. I don’t know if I’ve written about my OCD and told you the details – a blog post for another time perhaps! But it was really really bad in high school. I measured the distance between my hangers in my closet. I recopied my notes until they were absolutely perfect. Everything on my dresser was at 90 degree angles – Samm would rotate them just to tick me off. It was bad – and how my anxiety shows its head – along with TMJ – and we all know how much that ruined my life for a period – and still does from time to time. So – I KNOW that I HAVE to get over this crazy fear. Or else it will run and ruin my life and Jared’s and Fitzy’s – but it is a legitimate (stirred up the past) fear.

I can deal with the mushy stuff so he doesn’t have chunks to go down his throat. But letting him chew on a bagel or piece of bread – even those puffs. I break them in half. Seriously. I just lied. I break them in thirds. I KNOW – WHAT!! I just gave him a mum mum rice thing the other day and let him eat the whole thing by himself – mostly while having a panic attack. My mom gave him little pieces of food while we were there a few weeks ago. But I couldn’t be in the room. At this rate the poor kid is gonna be drinking peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in kindergarten! Johna and I had lunch a while ago and she said – you weirdo – little *M* was chewing on frozen bagels at his age. Ronda gave him bites of a bagel and hamburg bun and I was twitching! I’m just gonna have to drop him off at my moms for the weekend and have her introduce food. And then have her come over every time he needs to eat. Ugh!

Last night we went to our friends house – they have a one year old little guy. Belinda gave Fitzy a whole puff. He was a champ – of course. Little yogurt bites – fine. We watched her little guy at dinner and there were times when he had a rough moment or a bite a little too big – but he figures it out. So I’m making little baby steps.

So seriously – pray for me. I keep my OCD in check – but it’s hard. My desk is arranged a certain way and things are in a certain place and you don’t touch it. It’s the one area that I haven’t given up – because I’ve given up the rest of the house – so I don’t drive Jared crazy (poor guy before we had a baby) and raise Fitzy in a home where he is NEVER allowed to have toys out or be dirty or just feel that he has to be perfect. That feeling of perfection is something Jared and I both put on ourselves when we were younger – which is where most of my OCD perfection is from. And I don’t want my child to EVER feel that way!

What’s your irrational fear?

Criticism. We all hear it. We all give it. Can we take as much as we give? Are you giving more than you are getting? When you criticize – what’s your goal – to help or to hurt? When you receive it – do you feel it’s to help or to hurt?

I seriously like to think that I receive it well. I know my strengths and I know my faults. And sometimes I don’t.

I have awesome people in my life. People who let me know where I need to improve – when I need to make changes.

Jared and I can be open and honest with each other – he takes it better than I do – sometimes. He usually knows WHEN to say something to me – just the right mood to catch me in! I tend to hand it out all the time – even in the most inappropriate times – which is why that sometimes is thrown in there.

For example – I know that I am not the best photographer out there and have LOTS to learn. When a photographer I admire and respect offers to help me out – give me a few pointers – I truly take it to heart. I appreciate the constructive criticism. When your complaint about my photography is that you don’t like me – forget it. If you don’t like my style – fine. That’s why there are several other AWESOME photographers in our area – that I refer to when I’m booked or a client is looking for something different. I think I happen to have a great “eye” when it comes to catching a moment – most of the time. On the technical end – I totally need some work! And I appreciate the advice I get – to help me improve!

Same thing in life. I am not sympathetic. I am working on it – but I think Jared would tell you that I’m not much better than before. Because I am in constant pain and have been since 2006 – I have a very low tolerance for whiny pain complaints – unless they are serious. Jared comes from a family with a very loving (not that I’m not) and sympathetic momma. And I am not. We joke that when Fitzy gets older he will have to go next door with scrapes and bruises. Oh – your leg bone is sticking out of your leg after you fell out of the tree? You’re fine. Suck it up. Seriously though – it’s something I am working on – and people call me on it.

I think you have to be VERY open for constructive criticism when you are in a position of leadership. I usually have Jared or my aunt L read my blogs before I post them – especially when they are feisty ones! I feel that God has opened a door for me to write and encourage others and let them know that their feelings have merit. So – in a way – that puts me in a position of leadership – of extra scrutiny. And I think you have to recognize and respect that.

There are people in life who only want to be surrounded by positive – encouraging people who build them up. That’s great.

But what happens when that person is wrong – misinformed – and in a position of great leadership. There was a tweet from a pastor that Jared follows that said something similar. His 2012 resolution was to associate exclusively with those who build up and eliminate the influence of those who tear down.

Now – I am all about that. I hide people on fbook that are just flat out negative all the time (cus we all have our bad days once in a while) – those people who want to tear me down. Always. No matter what I do. When I ask those people in my life who would truly tell me if I am doing wrong – and I get a firm and sure NO – but this person keeps insisting. I purge my life of that influence. BUT – when I get a criticism from someone and I ask those close people in my life what they think – and they say – well – that is an area you need to work on. OH CRAP. I want to hide that person – but I don’t. They are truly loving me and trying to help.

But when you pastor a church – for example – and you don’t want to hear ANYTHING about ANYTHING negative about your ministry. Watch out. This is NOT good. We all need a system of checks and balances in our lives. Especially when you are quick to call someone out on a weakness in their lives – which is fine. But when it comes your turn. Don’t be a jerk about it. You are just human. You also have faults. You also sin. Your congregation looks up to you – so you need those people that will CONSTRUCTIVELY point out those weak areas in your life even more! You are in leadership – and it’s not a position to be taken lightly!

Jared and I have just gone through a pretty rough patch – other than losing little JC – thanks to criticism – and like very other bump in our marriage – are growing closer and stronger because of it – because of the conversations we’ve had as a result (thank You Jesus)! There were some uncomfortable conversations. But if Jared and I can’t sit with each other and talk about the uncomfortable stuff – who can we (or should we) talk about it with. We aren’t just husband and wife – we are best friends.

Remember – those who LOVE you and are truly watching out for you OWE it to you to keep you in check. And you owe it to those you love and are encouraging to keep yourself in check.

I met Sherry through her sister Brandy! We’ve had this newborn session on the books for quite a while!

*B* was one of the BEST newborns I’ve ever photographed. He was content and sleepy (for some of our session) and oh SO photogenic!

LOOK AT THAT FACE! I just don’t remember Fitzy being so very tiny! It goes so so so fast!

OH MY HEART!

OH SO SWEET!

Thank you SO much for having me into your home! I can’t wait to watch him grow!