FITZY – ON TURNING TWO

Filed under: babes,baby barden,bardenisms,family,holiday,just because,kiddos,love,my family,newsworthy,parties — admin at 11:25 am on Thursday, May 30, 2013

We were with my parents for Fitzy’s birthday. He requested eggs for breakfast.

So he got eggs. Of course. I say that jokingly – he really isn’t a spoiled child. Except with love. Just a good one. He is helpful and excited and appreciative.

He loves to help feed the baby cows – so we fed the baby cows.

And sat on Pa’s shoulders.

Oh that face – that chubby little face – it’s changing. Too quickly. I could have edited out the spots on his face. The red and the dirt. But I wanted to remember that moment just as it was. Perfect.

He was NOT in a picture mood that day – but I took some anyway.

Truly my FAVORITE pictures EVER. Oh – that smile and that laugh. And he just adores his Gramma. Both of them!

This was his – I’m serious momma – NO MORE PICTURES – face.

We went to the airport to pick up Jared’s parents and all ate brunch with my parents at Friendly’s for his birthday. He wasn’t too excited. The fountain at the mall was much more interesting. Fitzy was MORE than excited to spend the afternoon with Gramma Barden – since they had been gone for two weeks! He went to sleep at 5.30 that night – with a little stirring here and there – but slept till 5.30 the next morning! Living on the farm TIRES HIM OUT – but he loves it!

On Tuesday – the 30th – Gramma Barden made a little cake for our new two year old!

And I discovered that he can drink out of a cup. WHAT! I had no idea!

He LOVED blowing out the candles – he talked about it for days!

Cards and some presents – a puzzle and a train – perfect for Fitzy!

He’s in LOVE with his numbers puzzle! He carries around his birthday cards proudly!

Fitzy’s birthday party will be at my parents at the end of May – so until then – this was a wonderful way to celebrate our favorite little boy!

WHOA

Filed under: babes,baby barden,bardenisms,birth,expecting,just because,kiddos,my family,newsworthy,weight loss — admin at 2:01 pm on Sunday, May 26, 2013

March 21st of 2013 THURSDAY

On August 24th of 2010 – I posted this - where I said - 

On March 28th of this year (2010) – Jared’s mom was given a word in church. That our children would rise up like mighty oaks. Our children. (Jared’s mom also told me that she saw me pregnant at the beach on our yearly vacation)

On April 11th of this year (2010) – Dave (Fitzgerald) called us again with a word for us. We would have children. Lots of them – running around in our yard – jumping on trampolines – and they would be our biological children – they would all look like Jared. (six months before I quit my job at Phoenix – Dave called and said – God wants me to tell you that your photography business is going to be crazy successful – more than you ever dreamed – you will be able to do it full-time)

On August 15th of this year (2010) – we met with our Pastor – because I am angry, tired, sad, and weary. He told us that God has children for us – our biological children. But first we must open our hearts to the notion of taking in a child that is not ours – biologically.

And on September 8th of 2012 – Dave Fitzgerald texted THIS to us -

You will get pregnant again. And even though you will default in your minds that you will probably miscarry – oh no. You will have a healthy child – possibly twins! It will be huge and massive BUT you must keep it to yourselves and announce at the END of the first trimester. This is a promise from God. God is NOT done with you. He’s just starting. You need to tuck this word on your hearts and cover it. It will be a massive testimony and will restore relationships, friendships, and family ties in ways you never thought possible. It’s going to be mammoth. It will be full circle. Both of your families will be remarkably astounded at what God will do through you in this next pregnancy. BUT you MUST NOT announce it until the end of the 1st trimester. Not even to close friends or family. YOU MUST WAIT!

I honestly feel stronger about this than the word I gave you for Fitzy! You can’t even tell me when you first find out – I will already know. You can’t tell ANYONE! BELIEVE IT! RECEIVE IT! ACT! God is good and will be massively glorified through it. Save these messages for confirmation and documentation. Not for me – but so that we can honor Christ Jesus & God’s ridiculous faithfulness. He is good. He is really REALLY good!

I saved it on my phone. And then wrote it all down today. There is a part I left out – about a name – because we may not tell this time. Although – if you know me – that will be REALLY REALLY hard!

I was supposed to start my period on Tuesday – it’s Thursday. And I’m one of those girls that have ALWAYS been 28 days.

I wrote this – on March 8th of 2013 – where I said -

Today – I’m not sad. I haven’t been sad about not having another baby for about a week now. That’s a HUGE step for me. I am finally letting the peace that God has given me about our decision take over – instead of fighting it. Fighting it because we should have 3 more. I’m feeling peace instead of being angry and hurt. Instead of wondering why me and why NOT me at the same time. It’s awesome. And I finally don’t feel guilty saying that.

Our decision was to go back on birth control and wait a year.

I’ve been anxiously waiting for my period to start so I can start those little blue pills.

It’s Thursday and it’s not here yet.

And now I know why.

I took a test today.

It was positive. Within seconds. Pink. Bold. Crossing lines.

Positive.

We lost Enoch on March 17th of 2009 and little Lewis would have been born on March 24th of 2013. Today is right smack in the middle.

But. We have to keep it a secret. Well – you read why. 

Honestly – I’m speechless. I told Jared over and over that this would happen. We have to figure something out until my appointment because you KNOW we are gonna get pregnant. Because the last time I had peace like this – we found out we were pregnant with Fitzy. It doesn’t matter that we haven’t gotten pregnant since June – it will happen. I know it. I knew it.

How on earth am I not supposed to tell my sister. She’s going to figure it out. She just is. And my parents? And Jared’s parents? They always go to the Bahamas in November – I hope they haven’t booked the trip yet! But I can’t. I have to trust. The day before Dave sent us that text – I said – out of the blue – to Jared – if we get pregnant again we won’t tell a soul. Not one. Until our first trimester. Which is not me. At all.

It was confirmation.

So – today we found out that for the 5th time – we are pregnant. And we trust. Because either way – God is in control and the answer will be beautiful.

My first appointment is April 1st of 2013.

We won’t be over our first trimester until the end of May – a long two months from now!

Our due date – November 27th of 2013 – my mom’s birthday.

Whoa.

March 22nd 0f 2013 FRIDAY 

I can’t stop thinking about the women reading this thinking – GREAT. Another pregnant person who isn’t me. And while I can tell you over and over again that I’ve been there (and you know that I’ve been there several times) it doesn’t matter. It won’t matter.

Yesterday the list stood at this – 76 names. 20 with babies. 14 pregnant. 45 wanting. pray.

And while I wrote it – tears streamed down my face. Tears of happiness and of hurt. Tears of joy and of heartache. Tears of love and of pain.

I want all 45 wanting to inbox me and tell me that they are pregnant. It’s a miracle. But it isn’t happening. And here I am holding this joy in one hand and such sorrow in another for all my wanting mommas. It’s not fair. It will never be fair.

If you have to hide me on FACEBOOK – do it. If you have to avoid my blog for a while – please do. If you can’t bear to look at me – I understand. You don’t have to tell me that you are happy for me and sad for you. You might even be at the place where you are not happy for me.

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.

And that still doesn’t make it any easier for you. Not one ounce.

Please know this – I am praying for you. I am lifting your name to God every day. I am trusting that His will is perfect and amazing. I am trusting that you will feel His strength and His love right now. I encourage you to cry out to Him. He knows Your heart – He can take it. His hands are open and waiting.

April 3rd of 2013 TUESDAY

I’m hungrier. Last week I had a migraine – which if history proves anything – means that there is a viable baby. Our last pregnancy came with migraines too – so I’m still scared. Trusting. But nervous. Is that possible? To be trusting and nervous. To be sure and scared?

Yesterday was our first appointment. The one where you pee in a cup and they tell you what you already knew. The nurse came in and said – well – I hope this was a wanted pregnancy. I said – they all are. I’m scared. We were going to take a break for a year and THEN see a specialist – but we never even got to the birth control part. We aren’t telling anyone so I’ve kind of forgotten about it. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. I don’t do caffeine. I don’t really have to change anything.

I did wake up yesterday and today feeling just a little off – struggling to swallow my vitamins without gagging.

So – we wait to hear from our OB and set up our first appointment. Part of me wants an ultrasound RIGHT NOW while the other part wants to wait like we did with Fitzy. I am almost six weeks at this point – so we have another seven weeks to go!

I’ve known for 2 weeks and haven’t told ANYONE (except the doctor) and I’m shocked.

April 5th of 2013 THURSDAY 

Last night the stomach bug hit. Or a flu bug. Or both. It was intense. I lost two pounds overnight. I didn’t sleep until this morning when Jared stayed home with Fitzy. I took a bath early this morning and kept praying that those pangs in my stomach were flu pangs – not miscarriage pangs. I’m trying hard to not let fear win. It takes a lot of focus and a lot of prayer.

I’ve realized that in not sharing this pregnancy news with ANYONE but Jared – we are both depending on God. A lot. The way it should be. And it’s crazy hard!

April 30th of 2013 TUESDAY

Yesterday was our ultrasound. I laid down on the table and closed my eyes. I prayed. She started and didn’t say anything – and then a – there’s your baby. And the tears came. According to her measurements we are between 10 and 11 weeks – further along than I thought – and further along than any other pregnancy – except with Fitzy. We saw a little body and a head. Arms and a fast heartbeat. THANK YOU JESUS. Baby was moving around and looked good. The last two times – I got a phone call from the doctor that afternoon. No phone call. And I’ve been getting sick in the mornings. And afternoons. And evenings. Thank You Jesus.

Fitzy is very excited about his birthday present! He keeps pointing at my belly and saying – dear Jesus – heal – momma – baby – girl. This weekend he pointed to my belly and said baby. My mom looked at me with raised eyebrows. I said – yes – that’s where you were when you were a baby. Whew!

Someone did say to me recently – Danielle – you look GREAT! I mean like radiant – glowing! Are you SURE you’re not pregnant? I said – I’m sure. When she left I looked at Jared and said – REALLY? I’m not supposed to say ANYTHING!?

A friend asked me if I stopped updating my weight loss on my blog because of the issues people were having. I said nope. I planned to update at 20 pounds and then again at 12 weeks (which I didn’t think would be two separate posts) and then lastly at 30 pounds. Which I haven’t reached yet. But I couldn’t tell her why. I said – because I feel good right here. I look good right here. I’m good. Which is also true. But I won’t be hitting that 30 pounds – at least – not this time around.

Thank You God for this unexpected and amazing miracle. Again.

May 26th of 2013 SUNDAY

Yesterday we had Fitzy’s birthday party. We waited until the very end to give him our gift. I made a mental checklist in my head – mom is here – Brenda is here – Samm is here – Brian is here – I’ll go get dad. Okay – everyone is here. Jared started the video. I told Fitzy this was his last present but Sammy had to help him read it. Samm unfolded the shirt that said BIG BROTHER and it took her a minute. She looked up at me and said – ARE YOU SERIOUS? I said – yes – we are 13 weeks. Brenda (my mother-in-law) screamed and cried and rushed over to hug me. She asked if we had an ultrasound. I said – Yes. We’ve heard a heartbeat too. Samm hit me. Then the video ends. And I scan the room and realize my mom isn’t there. I seriously thought maybe she was upset and had to leave. Nope. When my back was turned – she got up and left – to go to the bathroom – and I was so focused on that little shirt – I didn’t notice. I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT! UGH! So we waited for her to come back and then gave her the shirt. And just like my mom – she said – Oh. Just like that. Oh. Then she added a little – I’m shocked – you were on birth control! I said – I never even got to start! She said – Oh. I read the text that Dave sent us – and tears flowed again.

Friday night – I noticed a tiny bit of spotting. No. Not now. Not this time. This cannot be happening. I texted a few people that I had already told. Asked them to pray. Is this okay. Is everything okay? This CANNOT be happening again. Not this time. Not right now. No. Just no. It happened with Fitzy – at 20 weeks. This makes me scared. I took my phone out and read the text from Dave – again. For the 400th time. Just like I did in the beginning every time I was feeling scared.

We heard a heartbeat on Tuesday – 165. Everything was fine. 13 weeks. It HAS to be fine. Right? I mean – we are telling everyone tomorrow. It has to be okay. It’s the end of the first trimester. We will get pregnant again. And even though we will default in our minds that we will probably miscarry – oh no.

The spotting stopped. My sister-in-law assured me that a little is normal – it happened with her. Prayers were sent and sent and sent. Prayers are being sent. Still being sent. I still felt sick this morning. I’ll most likely call on Tuesday to schedule something – just to make sure. Cus I’m like that. So – please continue to pray with us. Pray for Jared and I – that we can rest in God’s love and peace. Pray for this wee one – that this baby is doing well and wonderful.

 And because it’s awesome – I leave you again with the words God gave us through Dave -

You will get pregnant again. And even though you will default in your minds that you will probably miscarry – oh no. You will have a healthy child – possibly twins! It will be huge and massive BUT you must keep it to yourselves and announce at the END of the first trimester. This is a promise from God. God is NOT done with you. He’s just starting. You need to tuck this word on your hearts and cover it. It will be a massive testimony and will restore relationships, friendships, and family ties in ways you never thought possible. It’s going to be mammoth. It will be full circle. Both of your families will be remarkably astounded at what God will do through you in this next pregnancy. BUT you MUST NOT announce it until the end of the 1st trimester. Not even to close friends or family. YOU MUST WAIT!

I honestly feel stronger about this than the word I gave you for Fitzy! You can’t even tell me when you first find out – I will already know. You can’t tell ANYONE! BELIEVE IT! RECEIVE IT! ACT! God is good and will be massively glorified through it. Save these messages for confirmation and documentation. Not for me – but so that we can honor Christ Jesus & God’s ridiculous faithfulness. He is good. He is really REALLY good!

*G* – TWO MONTHS

Filed under: . babies . babies . babies .,babes,family,just because,kiddos,portraits — admin at 12:03 pm on Thursday, May 23, 2013

Little *G* happens to be cousins with *E* – and this is their – dare I say it – “favorite” aunt!

I might have to get a print of this – for my house. MELT MY HEART!

Hey handsome!

OH SWEET BOY!

Nicole and I chatted – like always – and little *G* got quite bored!

And – when you think of it – pray for this little family. Their daddy is overseas fighting for our freedoms. Momma is quite tired and these little boys have been sick lately. Pray for answers and for patience and rest!

 

*E* – JUST BECAUSE

Filed under: babes,family,just because,kiddos,portraits — admin at 12:32 pm on Wednesday, May 22, 2013

I took pictures of *E* for her whole first year! I was so excited when her mom told me they were coming home for a visit! Could they schedule a session? ABSOLUTELY!

ADORABLE!

*E* – it was GREAT to see you again!

*B* TURNS TWO

Filed under: babes,family,just because,kiddos,portraits — admin at 11:10 am on Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Nichole messaged me and wanted to get in before the middle of May. I said – how about tomorrow? Thankfully – I have a nice backyard and in-laws that don’t mind me using theirs!

*B* was not happy to see me. Not at all! Poor little guy didn’t take a nap that day – and I know all too well what that feels like!

BUT – I tried my best to worked my magic and got a little sneaky!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that shot on the right! LOVE IT!

Nichole – it was GREAT to meet you – I hope to see you guys again soon!

FITZGERALD – TWO YEARS

Filed under: babes,baby barden,bardenisms,just because,kiddos,my family,portraits — admin at 11:24 am on Friday, May 17, 2013

I took Fitzy out in our yard for some official TWO YEAR pictures – where on earth are the years going?

Some fun before we go out!

He is one of the happiest children I’ve ever known!

I just ordered that one for his canvas! I cannot WAIT to see it!

Last year and this. Oh chubby baby – you’ve grown into such a little boy!

AH! Seriously. Cannot even deal with it.

Fitzy – we love you so much! We thank God EVERY SINGLE DAY for blessing our lives with you!

AUNT SAMMY

Filed under: babes,baby barden,bardenisms,just because,kiddos,my family,newsworthy,samantha,weight loss — admin at 11:50 am on Thursday, May 16, 2013

Fitzy LOVES LOVES LOVES his aunt Sammy. She surprised us in April and he was SO excited to see her!

I LOVE those shots! Makes my heart so happy! For so many reasons!

Last year with Rowyn – this year with Fitzy! CRAZY PROUD OF YOU SAMM!

Last year and this year – craziness.

Samm – I get choked up when I talk about you – which I do – a lot. To people I know. To random strangers. Bank tellers. Waitresses. I’m slightly obnoxious about it. But I can’t help it. You took control and changed your life. I am so proud of you!

SAMANTHA

Filed under: just because,my family,newsworthy,samantha,weight loss — admin at 11:33 am on Wednesday, May 15, 2013

140 pounds. Gone. As of mid-April. And still going.

Not gonna lie – I was mega sad to give her those tights!

BUT – they look awesome – so I’m over it!

WHOA!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE those shots! Seriously – make me cry. She’s always been the pretty one!

And just to compare – here is early May of last year -

CRAZY – right?

Still think that you can’t do it? That you’ve just gained too much and it’ll be too hard? CONTACT SAMANTHA TODAY. She is a GREAT encourager! Seriously. Do it. Because you can. And you will.

LOVE

Filed under: family,just because,kiddos,love,portraits — admin at 12:51 pm on Monday, May 13, 2013

Two years ago – I took these photos of *H* – and I still LOVE them!

We met again in April for another session!

CUTE! CUTE! CUTE!

That’s the same jacket from our last session!

OH MY WORD!

You guys were AWESOME! I can’t wait to see you again!

 

*C* FAMILY

Filed under: beautiful,family,just because,kiddos,love,portraits — admin at 11:54 am on Thursday, May 9, 2013

I have a BEAUTIFUL contest every year. This year – a family was entered several times. A family that lost their firstborn child. Their strength and love and commitment to their faith and each other – that’s what people wrote about.

It was a hard email to write. I’m writing to let you know you that you’ve been submitted to our BEAUTIFUL contest – and you’ve won! A photo session with your family! And I know that this is bittersweet – to say the least. Please let me know how to make this a memorable and comfortable experience for you. Dana was awesome. We wrote back and forth and she asked if we could have the session on Gabriel’s 13th birthday. April 20th.

Please go to their FACEBOOK page and spread awareness of the “choking game” – and say a prayer for their family.

Dana – your family. You guys are incredible and beautiful and amazing and I’m honored to have taken photos for you on Gabriel’s birthday. I pray that your spirits are strengthened and encouraged every single day. I pray that through Gabriel you will be able to reach other families and spread prevention. That people will come to know Jesus through this.