Filed under: babes,baby barden,bardenisms,birth,expecting,family,friends,just because,kiddos,love,my family,newsworthy,schrute — admin at 1:45 pm on Friday, February 8, 2013

The first night we were in the hospital with Fitzy – the nurse asked if we wanted him with us or in the nursery. I said – if I say nursery – am I a bad mom? She giggled and reassured me that I was not. I said – then nursery it is! They brought him in when he was hungry and then took him back when he was done. I look back on this and I think – I can’t believe I didn’t want to just hold him and eat him up. I can’t believe I let him just lie in that cold cart all by himself. Oh right – I was exhausted – and the nurses took great care of him.

When we brought him home – I had every intention of putting him in a bassinet next to our bed. Which I did – but he cried. As soon as I picked him up – he went to sleep. As soon as I laid him down – he woke up and cried. While I tend to be a non-sympathetic person in general – when it comes to babies – I melt. I couldn’t let my new baby cry. What if he thought I didn’t love him. What if he thought I left him. What if he got scared. Yes – I actually thought these things.

It didn’t really matter. Schrute did not adjust well to Fitzy. I asked my dog-loving friends – they said – wait it out – give him a chance. Every time Fitzy made a move or a noise – Schrute was there in the blink of an eye – and not always gentle. He was jealous and confused. He was anxious and irritable. I didn’t trust him – I was uneasy.

I was exhausted. I would nurse Fitzy in bed and fall back asleep – sitting up – holding him. By the grace of God – nothing horrible happened. Jared was uneasy with it and so was I. We took to sleeping in the recliners in the living room with Fitzy on my chest – I would wake up and nurse him – and fall back asleep with him cradled in my arms – thankfully again – God kept him safe. It wasn’t ideal – but until Schrute found a new home – it would have to do.

side note – finding a new home for our first baby was one of the HARDEST things we’ve ever had to do. EVER . lots of people made me feel bad about it. some people understood. but for the most part – we were horrible for just getting rid of our dog. while he is doing fantastic in his new home – he has also bit two people. because they pet him unexpectedly. isn’t that exactly what babies and toddlers do. that could have been Fitzy – and it could have been fatal. and then I would most definitely be institutionalized.

We found a new home for Schrute. Time to have Fitzy sleep on his own – in the bassinet in our room. Our house is a little patched together. Our first floor is the kitchen and living room. Our second-ish floor is the bathroom and bedroom and laundry room and little cubby rooms. Our third-ish floor has two bedrooms. Our attic is big enough for two BIG rooms and a bathroom and then there is a loft in the attic. Our bedroom is on the second-ish floor. Fitzy’s is on the third-ish floor. WHICH FREAKS ME OUT. (I’m a control freak – remember) and while I try my best to keep it at bay – having my child on a different floor than me is NOT okay. I don’t know if it would ever be – especially such a teeny baby.

We moved his crib downstairs – tried here and there – he wanted to sleep right next to momma – which I didn’t mind. Oddly enough. I NEVER intended to be a co-sleeping mom. Co-sleeping moms are kinda crazy – so they say. That was NOT going to be me. I’ve heard stories about babies that sleep in their parents bed till Kindergarten. Nope. Not me. Not us. Won’t happen. But here we were.

Fitzy didn’t even really sleep through the night until about 14 months. Seriously. Having Fitzy sleep right next to me and get up multiple times in the night – way easier than me getting up and completely waking up. Every night.

Then Jared was not okay with it. He didn’t really let me know at first – it just exploded into this issue (followed by several other issues) and there was NOT going to be a baby in our bed anymore. His crib was moved upstairs (ugh). And since our friends said that they let their babies cry it out – that is what we were going to do. I was NOT happy – to say the least. But I would try it. Fitzy cried for 3 hours. 3 HOURS STRAIGHT. I refused to go get him. We tried the 5 minutes – 15 minutes – 30 minutes – blah blah blah. Only made it worse. But this was something that he was bound and determined would work. Finally – he caved. Ya know – after 3 hours of non-stop screaming.

I was willing to work on it – little by little. But I am not a cry it out mom. Kudos to those of you that are. We moved his crib back downstairs and would put him in it for naps and then to start the night. Naps would last maybe 45 minutes in his crib. Compared to the 2 hours on the couch. So he usually naps on the couch (unless it’s the weekend – then it’s on Jared) while I blog or edit or organize.

He would start out the night in his crib and usually stand up and say MOMMA at about 1. I would pick him up and lay him in bed and fall back asleep. And he would sleep the rest of the night.

We need to renovate our house – like – majorly. New windows. in. every. blasted. room. New siding. on our giant house. New laundry and nook rooms. New electric. New bedrooms. New attic. New attic bathroom. New doorways. Basically you name it – it needs to be done. So the goal is to work on a back bedroom for us that shares a wall with a little bedroom for Fitzy – and by that time – to have a baby that can sleep on his own. All night. In his own bed.

I rock Fitzy to sleep. Have since the moment he came home. I love it. He is an almost 3 foot – 33 pound – almost 22 month old. Kind of hard to get comfortable in a rocking chair with me. He lets me rock him to sleep for nap time. But the past month – I’ve had to lay him down in bed next to me and bop him to sleep. Sing Silent Night – hold him close.

We took the front off his crib and moved it flush with our bed. When he is finally asleep – I move him to his bed. There has been ONE night he slept there in that bed from 9 to 7. ONE. So far he sleeps till about 3 and then crawls over to me and cuddles up and falls back asleep till about 8. (Once when he was little bitty and sleeping in his car seat – yes we tried that trick – he slept all night – those are the two times)

Progress. Slow and steady. I make sure that this issue isn’t an issue in our marriage anymore – that I make time for Jared. That just because we have friends that don’t live this way – doesn’t mean that it’s horrible that we do. And I’ve completely changed my mind about co-sleeping parents. I understand now that some parents choose this option and that it works for them. While I don’t want Fitzy sleeping with us forever – it’s what worked for us then. For now.

And while I am frustrated and exhausted and basically running on prayers and little Fitzy kisses – I still love singing Silent Night. Every. Night.

I wrote this blog a month ago – so to update – He’s been getting worse the past week – he does have a cold – so it might be that. But it takes anywhere from 30 minutes to 90 minutes to get him to sleep and then he gets up at 130 and then again at 330 and stirs till 430 and then again at 630 and stays up usually. I cry for the 30 to 90 minutes it takes to get him to sleep. I cry when he wakes up at 630 – ready to go. I’ve been going to sleep when he does – leaving almost no time with just Jared – and this will not be an issue again. I have an appointment today for his little feet (he walks on the insides of his little ankles – really bad – maybe he’s in pain. hopefully there is something we can do for him. i have an appointment next week to see if we need to go gluten free – maybe it’s his little tummy. i can’t wait till warmer weather where he can run around and play outside and fall asleep on the floor playing – he has NEVER done that)

A huge surprise happened last night! It took 30 minutes to get him to sleep – usually he just wants to play and talk. He fell asleep at 9 and at 5 am woke up – IN HIS CRIB. He crawled over to me and we got up at 8. SERIOUS ANSWER TO PRAYER. And while my old self would say – it’s just a fluke – my new self is thankful for this! SO THANK YOU!


Filed under: animals,baby barden,bardenisms,my family,schrute — admin at 8:23 am on Sunday, May 22, 2011

Today is a hard day. While we are still saying hello to our miracle Fitzy – we are saying goodbye to our baby Schrute.

We brought Fitzy home and Schrute did pretty well with him – other than the fact that he is HUGE! The next day he snapped at my sister and freaked out when we got home from visiting Fitz’s. He was jumping and panting and baring his teeth and not listening to us AT ALL. When he did get close to the baby he nudged him – HARD! He slept downstairs with Jared while Samm and I slept upstairs with the baby. Jared has been sleeping on the couch with Schrute since – I can’t have him in the bed with us – Schrute – not Jared!

I was so scared to be at home with my two babies – Schrute proved to be harder to take care of. I can’t lay Fitzy down ANYWHERE without worrying about Schrute getting in his face and nudging him – or stepping on him – or sitting on him. My days have been spent telling Schrute no – bringing the dog to the bathroom with me – anywhere I go while the baby is laying down. I can’t put Fitzy in his swing, on the floor, or on the couch or bed without worrying about Schrute stepping or sitting on him. He hasn’t been listening to us nearly as well as he normally does – which isn’t really that great anyway! I can’t nurse the baby without Schrute having his nose right on top of us – nudging hard.

Last week I took Fitzy over to Gramma’s and spent some time with Schrute alone – only to have him growl at me when I got near him! UNACCEPTABLE! Schrute’s head is about the size of Fitzy’s whole body – all it takes is one time – one chomp for it to be a fatal accident.

Bottom line – we LOVE our dog – but we LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE our baby. Jared and I don’t feel that Fitzy is safe while Schrute is in the house. I’m not enjoying the dog or our baby the way I need to be cus I am so watchful of both of them. I am not relaxed – I am way too stressed and worried that Schrute might snap at any minute.

Jared and I have CRIED and CRIED about this decision – Schrute is our BABY! He is an angel sent from God to get us through our miscarriage and struggle with getting pregnant. I am so thankful for him and the love he gave us the past two years. I cannot describe the impact he has had on my life. He has kept me company and listened to my cries. He has cuddled up with me when I needed a hug. (I know he is just a dog – but he is truly sent by God at the perfect time for us). He gives us that look that says he loves us no matter what. He waits anxiously for Jared to get home from work to shower him with kisses at the door! He cuddles up with us every night to sleep. He has brought so much joy to our lives!

Today Jared and his dad are taking him to his new home in Sunbury. He will be living with a woman and her hubbie who don’t have children – they have their dogs! Three great danes other than Schrute! A farm with lots of space to run – their own room and bed! Love and attention that will be POURED on him!

We know that he will be loved and taken care of – but it still sucks. Just sucks. People have told us to give him a few weeks – and we have – mostly because it took a while to find this perfect fit – and it’s been a stressful couple of weeks. If ANYTHING were to EVER happen to Fitzy because we couldn’t make the decision to take Schrute to a new home – you would have to institutionalize me! I would never EVER forgive myself. I am taking the little things that Schrute has done so far as warning signs. He is SO big that he doesn’t know what he is doing – where he is stepping – who he is sitting on – jumping on – chewing on. He is being so neglected with our attention on this sweet miracle – and he knows it. He deserves better.

It has been a heartbreaking decision but when it comes down to your dog or your child – there is no question.

We are so thankful for his love and companionship the past two years! We are so excited for his new family and the memories they will make together!

I took these photos on Friday – while I cried my goodbyes.

OH MY HEART – I think he knows.

Schrutie – we love you so much! Thank you for your friendship and sweet kisses over the past couple of years. Have so much fun with your new brothers and sister.


Filed under: animals,bardenisms,just because,my family,schrute — admin at 8:36 am on Monday, March 7, 2011

A few weeks ago Jared woke up with a very unfriendly stomach and stayed home from work – camping out on the couch. I try very hard to be sympathetic – which you know is a struggle for me! Schrute – however – is VERY sympathetic!

I just LOVE him!!

He is such a good little protector! I really think he will be great with Fitzy – if anything – too loving!

When I left for MOPS that morning I caught a photo of the HUGE icicle hanging from our house! I also got a dirty look from Schrute – how dare I leave him!

He is just the BEST!


Filed under: animals,bardenisms,my family,schrute — admin at 9:47 am on Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Our baby at 20 months!


We love him!!


Filed under: animals,bardenisms,schrute — admin at 5:11 pm on Saturday, July 17, 2010

Schrute is such a sweetie! I really don’t know what I would do without him keeping me company all day!!!


Our friends Malissa and Cody just got another Great Dane puppy and I had to visit her!!


She is so cute! Her big brother Jager is a sweetie too!!



Filed under: just because,PRODUCTS,schrute — admin at 7:44 am on Sunday, May 23, 2010









When I got home from NYC – my new canvas print was waiting for me!


I picked Schrute up from the kennel and he was EXHAUSTED!



Filed under: animals,bardenisms,schrute — admin at 9:09 am on Wednesday, May 12, 2010

We LOVE Schrute – and he loves to go on walks!





He is such a baby! I went to leave for a session the other day and this is the face I got!








Oh – the poor guy!!


Filed under: animals,just because,my family,schrute — admin at 9:29 pm on Saturday, April 17, 2010

We spent the EASTER weekend with my parents.

They are starting a farm and we spent some time with their cows!



We love our pup!








My mom and her baby calf!


Filed under: animals,bardenisms,just because,schrute — admin at 10:55 am on Thursday, March 11, 2010

A few months ago our ceiling fell down – leaving a perfect reason to get a new one!

Our friend Matt came with his crew and put up a new ceiling with new lighting – replaced the second tier of steps – and put a closet in one of our spare rooms.

We love our ceiling!



We need to paint the walls still – but that will happen …

This past weekend we bought our first real furniture together! We will be married 6 years in June so it’s been a long time coming!






I love our little dish for our keys!

We also got a REAL bed frame – the first one ever!



Schrute did NOT like the new additions!







And last – but certainly not least – Johna’s birthday gift!


Her birthday isn’t until the 17th but she will be in FRANCE so I wanted to give it to her early!!!!!!!


Filed under: animals,schrute — admin at 8:50 am on Monday, December 28, 2009











He is such a sweetie! The best Christmas present ever!

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