Well – I took a two week “break” from fbook – I cheated a little by logging onto Jared’s profile a few times.

I learned a few things -

REASONS I HATE FACEBOOK

1. Yes. Jared and I sometimes go to Changos. No. I don’t drink – would it matter if I did? Yes – Jared and I both have tattoos. No. I don’t plan on waving them in peoples faces to show them off. Yes. We “attend” more than one church. No. I don’t think Jesus would tell us we have to attend one and only one. Yes. Sometimes I take Fitzy to my parents. For a week at a time. I might be exhausted. I might have sessions. Or my parents might just miss their grandson and it works out for me to stay a week. No. I’m not leaving my husband. No. We are not fighting. Yes. You can see what I do and where I go. No. I don’t frankly care if you don’t like it.

2. Yes. Please message me privately and tell me that you thought my apology wasn’t genuine. That you think horribly of me. That what I do now is between me and God. When I asked you to forgive me – that’s when I left it between me and God. Tell me that you can’t even stomach the sight of my photographs – they make you physically ill. No. I don’t mind at all that I can’t write back and defend myself or explain because you have blocked me. *At this point there may be one person out there that says – but Danielle – you hypocrite. You blocked me. Why yes I did. But that is because I DO NOT LIKE YOU. Now if the people in this point and the people in number 3 flat out DO NOT LIKE ME – awesome. That’s all I need to know. Don’t tell me my forgiveness isn’t genuine because of something YOU did to YOUR friend? I know that I am not the BEST photographer out there but I think I’m pretty dang good sometimes. So don’t tell me that you cannot stand the photo that used to be my banner – cus that photo KICKS BUTT. Don’t ignore my forgiveness and questions and just assume that I hate your face because of some stupid status that more than likely was a quote from The Office. So – to the one person I have blocked. I am sorry that you think I’m a hypocrite. I block you so that I don’t use words that would make my grandmother blush when we interact. I pray for you. I LOVE you – in Jesus.

3. Yes. I love how you rave about the importance of family. I love how you comment on my child’s photos or updates when Jared or someone else in the family posts them. No. I don’t mind that you’ve blocked me and won’t answer me when I ask what I’ve done – please forgive me – family is important – right? Oh right – I must have posted a status that was directed toward you. Forgot about that one.

4. Why yes. I love that most of my time gets sucked into checking you. I have you on my phone and every time it beeps I pick it up like a drug. I am addicted and I do need help. I will not be putting you as an app on my phone. I would love to turn off my messages but can’t. NUTS! So PLEASE – email me if you have business questions or just want to chat! I will not check you in the evenings once Jared is home.

5. Yes. I love how insecure I am. I love that I wonder what I’ve done wrong when I see a client in another photographer’s photo. When in reality – I’m booked solid. What is wrong with me. I started somewhere and so does everyone else. Why do I feel threatened. I love that feeling – thanks fbook.

REASONS I LOVE FACEBOOK (note – there will be next to little sarcasm in this section)

1. I love love LOVE that I can share my blog with so many people at one. I love that the things I write about affect real people with real issues and real emotions. I love that I’ve met so many DEAR friends because of my blog and/or fbook. I love that I can share the love of Jesus to so many at once.

2. I love love LOVE that I get to see updates of my little niece (and nephew – on the way) while we are here and they are there. I love that with one click I can stay updated.

3. I love love LOVE that I don’t have to actually call or talk to people to see what is going on in their lives. Yes – I am nosy and I prefer to not talk on the phone for hours. Or even five minutes.

4. I love love LOVE that I have gotten MOST of my clients through facebook. I love the networking between friends with my work. I love seeing my picture as your profile. I love meeting a client who has struggled the same way we have and I get to capture their miracle! I love that most of my clients have become good friends!

5. I love love LOVE the love I get. Seriously. I love that you guys love on my little guy and most of you TRULY love and care for us.

6. I love that people write to me and say – I saw your work on facebook – I read your blog – we are also trying for a baby. Please pray for us. PLEASE PRAY FOR US. Awesome.

SEEMS LIKE LOVE WON – ALTHOUGH THE REASONS I HATE YOU ARE MUCH MORE DETAILED.

If I can keep my boundaries that I set for myself and others in check – then I will be around for quite a while. If not – back to facebook freedom.

Today Fitzy is 40 weeks old. FORTY. I cannot believe how much my life has changed in 40 weeks – I also can’t believe that in 12 short weeks our baby boy will be ONE!

LOOK AT THAT FACE! He is such a happy lovey baby!

That’s his newest favorite face!

He is such a little ham!

Oh Fitzy – I just adore your little face! You can hardly tell that you are so sick and stuffy.

Thankfully we got an antibiotic for his ear infection. He lost two pounds over the weekend since he stopped eating baby food but ate his breakfast like the normal piggy baby he is this morning!

He still gets up twice in the night but hasn’t been having his 4 AM parties – so that’s a plus!

In “new” baby news – I started bleeding a little yesterday and my doctor was awesome and got me right in for an ultrasound and blood work.

Yesterday marked 8 weeks according to my schedule. I’ve seen an 8 week ultrasound – I have a friend who is due right around the time we are and she was spotting and asked me to pray. She sent me the photos of her baby at 8 weeks. At 8 weeks on an ultrasound you can see a heart beating.

We didn’t get a photo yesterday. The tech measured my ovaries and then the gestational sac and the yolk sac. She told me that the blood work would have to confirm. I knew then. Even though I kind of knew something was wrong. With our first baby – I didn’t feel sick. I was exhausted but never sick. With Fitzy I was sick every morning. I haven’t been sick this time. I’ve been overly exhausted but not sick.

Our doctor called and told us the results – which I knew were not good. He said that he can’t tell for SURE but with blood work comparisons on Friday he will know for certain – but more than likely we will miscarry this baby. It looks like a blighted ovum – a type of miscarriage in which the baby either never develops or stops growing at a very early stage in pregnancy and then disintegrates – but a gestational sac does develop and the body does not recognize that the baby is missing. Googled that for you.

Now – it COULD be wrong – but I highly doubt it. Not because I don’t believe that God is still God and still performs miracles. But because I just haven’t felt right – haven’t felt pregnant. I haven’t really attached myself to this baby – it’s hard because once you’ve had a miscarriage you have this fear in the back of your mind that it will happen again. I had it with Fitzy but as soon as I was getting sick I felt better – I wanted to throw up EVERY MORNING if it meant that baby was still there.

Blighted ovum or not – I believe that life starts at the MOMENT of conception – so I believe that Enoch and our little baby (which I like to think would have been a girl – Joy (short for Joyce after my two grandmothers) Christina are in heaven. I believe that we will see them again. They have never felt pain or anger or fear or loss. They have only known the hugs of Jesus and His love and awesomeness.

So – it’s a waiting game to find out the comparative blood tests. Last time it took about a week after our ultrasound to miscarry.

More blogs will be coming once we find out the results and what not. I also plan on being back on facebook Sunday (I HAVE to make it to two weeks) BUT things will be completely different. I will not put up with crap. I will not put up with your insecurities that you blame on me. I will not participate in 13 year old gossip and attitudes.

I truly believe that God has used our miscarriage(s) to help those around us. Please keep praying for the now over 30 women and men on my list that want to hold sweet ones in their arms. You ask what you can do to help. Pray. Pray for me that anger and bitterness and jealousy and judgement don’t take over. I love to capture bellies and babies – but I get very angry when I should have had and don’t. I get bitter. I tend to pass judgement on who really deserves a baby or not. It’s not fair – but life’s not fair. PERIOD. So please pray that for me – cus I get angry about even the closest friends and family members that are pregnant or SEEM to not struggle with their pregnancies. And don’t tell me that at least we lost this “baby” while it wasn’t really a “baby” yet. I can promise you a kick in the neck.

To those of you who TRULY care and love us – thank you! I appreciate you more than you know! To those of you that don’t – I’m praying you can forgive me for whatever wrong I’ve done against you – if you are reading this and you think it’s about you – it most likely is.

We are overwhelmed! With love and joy and fear and excitement!

I have always been regular with my cycle – within about two days – and since I am crazy organized and scheduled I always keep track.

I was a few days late and again – was on the way to my parents for the weekend and needed to know what to pack. I drove to dollar general – picked up a test – took it and within 30 seconds there was a positive result – CRAZY!

Jared laughed – only to keep from crying!

I texted my sister a picture – called Ronda (if you are friends with me on facebook – you ALL know Ronda) who was VERY excited! Called my mom – who I woke up and she yelled at me – I’M TIRED DANIELLE! And then in the morning she thought it was a dream until she checked her phone! Called my bff Johna who was equally excited – called my brother – whose first response was – WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME SO LATE! Jared called his mom – who was also in bed and a little drowsy. We always say – we won’t tell many people – then we tell OODLES! I just can’t help it! My sister called me back saying – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – AND HER NAME IS SAMANTHA – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL!!!

You guys have been with us since losing Enoch and struggling to get pregnant and watching Fitzy be born – I can’t NOT share it with you. If something were to go wrong I would blog about it anyway – so why not get all the prayers we can! And it’s just such a joyful (and SCARY) time! We have to share!

I had to email my September and October brides first before announcing – and everyone that has responded so far has been so kind and understanding! I HATE HATE HATE to cancel on people – and the reality is – I could probably suck it up and do a few of the weddings a week or two out from my due date – BUT – I was early with Fitzy – can you imagine me calling you on the eve of your wedding and telling you I am in labor – good luck finding a photog? So I like to cover my bases and provide my clients with the BEST they can get for their day! And after having Fitzy and doing too much too early (I know – I know – you can say I told you so) I’ve decided to really cut back and focus on my Jesus and my babies and my hubby and my family – I really mean it this time.

I am still planning on taking the month of July off and now the end of August and all of September thru January! Which means that sessions are pretty much booked for the year. If you have an appointment in those months – don’t worry – I will be emailing you soon to figure out the details (most of which will just be keeping the session since so little are scheduled) – and for 2013 I will be limiting my schedule to 1 to 2 weddings a month – depending – and maybe 4 to 5 sessions a month – again depending.

I love love love love LOVE photography and I love love love love LOVE capturing moments for you! But the bottom line is – I love love love love LOVE my family more.

I am so humbled right now. Jesus loves me. I have an amazing husband – a beautiful precious baby boy – a fantastic family – and another sweet little life growing. People have been asking lately if we were gonna have more – I told them that I want more children – but I also want to be happy with just having Fitzy if that is what God plans. I truly did not imagine having more – having the trouble we did with getting pregnant!

Our first appointment – which is just a confirmation is on Friday and then we will go from there! I will keep you all updated! My sister is calling for a girl to be born on September 3rd (her birthday – since a girl will be named Samantha) so we will see if she gets her little fat girl this time around!

That being said – PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for the people that I know – and that you know – that are reading this and hurting. the people who want to be parents so badly that it seems to consume every moment of every day. I’ve been there – and so have some of you – and you know exactly how painful it is. I have more than 25 names on my list right now – please please pray for them.

2000 likes on FACEBOOK for barden photography!!!!

SO EXCITED!!!!

Here’s the deal – for the rest of December you can take advantage of this special! (since Christmas is just around the corner and funds might be tied up – the deposits won’t have to be in till 1.31.2012)

You cannot apply this deal to any sessions already booked or scheduled – has to be NEW sessions NOT on my books as of this moment.

The FIRST person to email me with a concrete date and time for a session will get the session for $50 (the deposit MUST be in my hand by 1.31.2012)

The next FIVE people to email me with a concrete date and time for a session will get the session for $100 (the deposit MUST be in my hand by 1.31.2012)

The next FIVE people to email me with a concrete date and time for a session will get the session for $150 (the deposit MUST be in my hand by 1.31.2012)

Anyone after the first 11 people to email me by 12.31.2011 will get $25 off a session – when booked with a concrete date and time and the deposit by 1.31.2012

This does not apply to weddings or package deals. You MUST email me at dcbarden@gmail.com – no facebook messages allowed.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND LOVE!! MUAH!!

Sometimes I’m a jerk. Sometimes I talk about people and get mad about things that never really happened – I just like to think they did. Sometimes I get jealous – really really jealous. Sometimes I state my opinion when in fact it would have been better in the long (and short) run if I had kept it to myself. Sometimes I’m selfish.

I want to be the hands & feet of Jesus – to go where He sends me. But I don’t want to be a jerk doing it.

Since starting barden photography – I’ve had the opportunity to mentor a few aspiring photographers – and it always seemed to burn me in the end. I’ve lost clients because bringing on an assistant didn’t work. I’ve lost clients to the people that were starting a business. I’ve been very VERY upset about this. I’ve felt cheated and hurt and in some ways betrayed. It’s been about MY feelings. I forget that I once was an aspiring photographer whose friends supported me. I started out at lower prices and clients came to me instead of “better – more established” photographers. I didn’t think of any of this then – because I wasn’t getting hurt. I’ve apologized and asked for forgiveness. I’m sure I’ve missed people. So – if I’ve been short when you asked for advice, if I’ve written a status on facebook that hurt you (which is a WHOLE other blog in itself) – if I haven’t encouraged you and supported you – I apologize.

When I decided to become a “photographer” and start my own business – I didn’t even think about having babies in the picture. Photography was my identity. Everything depended on the amount of clients and what clients stayed “loyal” to me. I’m having a VERY hard time with facebook lately. There are LOTS of photographers popping up all over – and I see my beautiful clients in their photos – and I think “why aren’t they in mine?” It shouldn’t matter – it doesn’t matter – in the long run. Why? Because it’s not why I’m here. It’s been an added bonus – but it’s not why I live and breathe. I live and breathe to share the love of Jesus. To be His hands and feet. To be a daughter – a sister – a niece – a friend – a wife – a mother. It’s awesome that God has given me this gift and vision to capture people. I’m thankful for that – and for all of you that I’ve met.

I’m not booking as quickly as I used to – and sometimes I freak out about that. I know that I am not the best – I know that I’m not the cheapest – I know that I am not that friend you are supporting with their new business. It still hurts. It still sucks. BUT – I am a momma now. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE spending time with this little boy. He is growing faster than I could have ever imagined and I feel like I am missing out – even though I am home with him. I have friends I’ve been praying for that are having babies. I have 20+ more friends that I am praying for to be blessed with babies. And I know that God is nudging me to focus on being a momma and a wife and a child of God – and a sister and a niece and a daughter and a friend.

And His hands and feet.

Today is Fitzy’s 7 month birthday!

Starting last night at 6 and ending at midnight tonight – I am running a special!

EMAIL me at dcbarden@gmail.com to schedule your session or SESSIONS for 2012 and get $50 off per session!

I will need your deposit of $100 in my mailbox by Saturday – December 10th!

In your EMAIL give me some dates that you would like to schedule – we MUST book the session today with a concrete date. Emails that are received tonight till midnight will be locked in as long as the deposit is received by December 10th!

In 2012 I will be taking sessions on Tuesdays and Wednesdays – you can check out my schedule to see what is open!

This special WILL NOT apply to mini-sessions if I decide to hold them or currently scheduled/booked appointments.

HAPPY SHOPPING!

And because a post from a photographer isn’t a post without a photo – check out my sweetness – happy 7 months my love!

Sarah submitted Kimarie and her family for the beautiful contest – and they won! We met at Waverly Glen for their session in August!

Kimarie’s littlest guy is only 10 days older than our Fitzy!

LOOK AT THAT FACE!

Sarah is now a freshman in college! She needed a picture of this wonderful family to take with her!

Kimarie – thank you for being a BEAUTIFUL family – inside and out!

On Saturday the 28th of May I held the mini-mini sessions to benefit Nicholas and his heart surgery!

We only had 4 families come – but considering that most of the town didn’t even have power yet – it was probably easily forgotten.

Thank you so much Sarah, Stephanie, Angie & Peggy for coming down and supporting Nicholas!

REMINDER – MINI-MINI SESSIONS!

Saturday – May 28th – from 10 am to 2 pm – at the VFW pavilion in Mansfield! There is a limit to 4 people in the photographs – although individual shots will be taken too! There is no need for an appointment – but you may have to wait to get your photos taken! You will get 15 to 20 photos in the session – they will be emailed to you via SHUTTERFLY to order online! You can get a CD of the photos to reproduce for an extra charge of $10. Actual PRINTS will not be given out. Remember that this is to benefit Nicholas and his FOURTH heart surgery this summer! There is a minimum donation of $50 – ALL PROCEEDS will benefit Nicholas and his trip to Oklahoma City!

I have a number in my head that I would love to meet – but I’m not going to share it – just in case!

“We rode into town the other day
Just me and my Daddy
He said I’d finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man
That my dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said “Daddy, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is He dressed in that bright purple robe?
I’ll bet that crown hurts Him more than He shows
Daddy, please can’t you do something?
He looks as though He’s gonna cry
you said he was stronger than all of those guys
addy, please tell me why
Why does everyone want him to die?”

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And Daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide

So after he left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said, “Father, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for My robe?
This crown of thorns hurts Me more than it shows
Father, please can’t You do something?
I know that You must hear My cry
I thought I could handle the cross of this size
Father, remind Me why
Why does everyone want Me to die?
When will I understand why?”

“My precious Son, I hear them screaming
I’m watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe You in robes of My own
Jesus, this hurts Me much more than You know
But this dark hour I must do nothing
Though I’ve heard Your unbearable cry
The power in Your blood destroys all of the lies
Soon You’ll see past their unmerciful eyes
Look there below, see the child
Trembling by her father’s side
Now I can tell You why
She is why You must die”

Nicole Nordeman sings this song – powerfully!

if you are lost today – YOU CAN FIND PEACE!

if you are wondering if you are worth it – YOU ARE!

Jesus died for YOU! You are that little girl trembling – afraid – lost – and God LOVES YOU!

I pray that this Good Friday would be YOUR Good Friday!