EVAN TURNS 2
I’ve mentioned before how much I love Nicole & Dustin! I can’t believe that their little guy is 2 already!
SO CUTE!
THOSE COOKIES WERE AMAZING!
LOVE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET BOY!
*B* – 3 MONTHS
I met Jessica when I took her maternity pictures and then the newborn pictures of sweet little *B* – which doesn’t seem like it was 3 months ago already!
Jessica’s husband Scot has two older kids that she wanted to include in this session – as a surprise to him!
OH MY HEART!
Not gonna lie – 3 months is the HARDEST age for me to shoot – but I got some cute ones!
CUTIE!
Jessica – thank you SO much for allowing me into your lives to capture the first year of your sweet girl!
*R* FAMILY
I met Lisa and her family while we were attending church in Liberty and then took her oldest son’s senior pictures last summer!
She had me back for some family pictures – on a HOT day!
I LOVE THOSE SHOTS!
Thank you SO much for asking me to capture your family!
WHEN WILL THE CRY OF YOUR HEART BE ANSWERED
Before you read this devotional from Ron Hutchcraft – make sure you read the blog I wrote last night.
And then imagine my face when I opened this in my email this morning.
WAITING FOR THE BABY
RON HUTCHCRAFT – A WORD WITH YOU
FRIDAY – AUGUST 10, 2012
Someone said the best cure for the population explosion would be if men had to have every other baby. That would slow it down considerably! I’ll tell you, there’s something that women know about that process, though, that leads to life. A woman, particularly in her first pregnancy, is introduced to a long, sometimes very difficult life process. She knows she wants the baby; there’s no question about the results, but it’s the process she has some questions about sometimes: nausea, discomfort, her body’s doing things it never did before. And the months sometimes feel like years. And last but not least, there are the labor pains. That day alone can seem like one of the longest in her life. But then…then the baby comes.
You know, a lot of life is like child bearing. A long, sometimes unpleasant process is often the only route to the joyful result you want.
I’m Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about “Waiting For the Baby.”
Now, our word for today from the Word of God is found in John 16; it’s about that motherhood experience, and I’m reading from verse 21. Jesus said, “A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come. But when her baby is born, she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.” She was waiting for the baby, the process was painful, long, and difficult, but the baby came and erased all the bad memories of the process. A painful process that leads to a glorious result.
Now, what’s the uh… baby in your life right now? I don’t mean some little infant, but for you, maybe it’s the goal you’ve been striving for, the dream you’ve hoped would happen and you thought would happen, the outcome you’ve been praying for – you’ve been believing God for. Maybe it’s an outcome for one of your children, or a dream related to your career, something you’ve prayed for in your ministry, or your marriage. Maybe it’s a financial recovery that you’ve been counting on happening and trusting God for, or a physical recovery; an answer to some fervent prayer; a cry from your heart. But it’s taking so long, just like a baby.
It’s causing so much pain; you didn’t know it would be this tough, just like a baby. It’s causing things to happen to your feelings, and to your life that you never counted on, just like a baby. The process that will get you to that result has caused you to lose sight of that result that you were hoping for. Maybe you’re questioning whether or not it will ever happen. You’ve prayed for it, but you’ve got doubts now.
Well, I’m going to tell you today, “Hang in there!” Jesus was saying to His disciples, “You’re going to go through some times when the process is going to be so difficult, so long, you’ll despair that the result will ever happen. Hang in there, guys! Remember, the God of the outcome is also the God of the process. You’re trusting Him for the result. Well, can you trust Him for the process even though it’s difficult; even though it’s longer than you thought? Trust the processes of God, not just the results. He’s working through this process right now.
And as confusing as it may seem to you, He’s trying to prepare you, to prepare others, and to do it in a way that will call everyone’s attention to His love and power. When the baby comes, there’ll be no question that God gets the glory for it.
That means that sometimes it even has to get worse before it gets better. Just ask any woman who has been through labor. The process is difficult but right on schedule. And when that baby comes, well it will make the process worth it all.
FOUR
I’m the oldest of three. I have a sister and a brother. Growing up – someone was ALWAYS left out – usually me or Derek. I always said that I would never have an odd number of children – cus someone is always left out!
When Jared and I were first dating – I made some smart remark about how I would NEVER have an only child. His mom – who is sweeter than candy – set me straight. She said – oh we wanted more – and tried – but God only gave us Jared. I was quick to not make that remark again.
You never know what people are going through. You don’t know the story behind their lives. But the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. No matter what.
I’ve always wanted 4 kids. I even had names – of course it would have been 2 boys (Christopher William and Andrew Scott) and 2 girls (Bailey Russell and Sierra Alexis) – yea – I totally remember. But I was totally gonna start having them RIGHT after high school – with my husband that I met in high school. Right. That happened. After having Fitzy – I rethought my 4 kids plan. Dude – it’s hard work. FOUR? All by myself during the day. Heck. That’s crazy! And I am starting at 30 and not 18 like I planned. So in my current reality – 2 is a great number for us. But in my dream world of being a mom at 18 and done at 24 with 4 kids – heavenly!
I realized today as the doctor told me there was no heartbeat for our little baby – our number four – that I am a momma of 4. I’m just gonna have to wait till heaven to meet the other 3.
Here’s the thing. I’m tired. We are tired. I’m broken. I feel defeated.
INSERT WARNING – if you don’t want to hear me whine a little (or a lot) stop reading. If you don’t wanna hear me say that I am doubting a few things – stop reading. If you insist on telling me that God does have a plan for my life and He IS in control – I KNOW THAT – stop reading. This blog entry isn’t gonna be about soft kittens that poop rainbows. It’s gonna be about raw hurt and emotions. So if you can’t handle that – seriously. Stop reading.
Anyway – I feel defeated. Like I said in my previous post. It’s not fair. I’m sad. It’s not fair that we don’t get to enjoy pregnancy. It’s not fair that I’m always wondering in the back of my mind if something is wrong. It’s exhausting. I see my friends have baby after baby and talk about how babies are fruit of the womb and gifts from God. Why are our babies being taken away? Am I doing something wrong? Cus then I get all judgmental and think – well I know what this chick does in her free time and she’s got 5 or 6. How on earth does God’s plan include losing babies – what good is that gonna give me? Like I said – I know that His plan is perfect and wonderful. But tell me how THIS is perfect and wonderful. And yes – I know that we can’t see it. But you can’t tell me that you don’t want to? That you don’t want to know?
Why is it that 2012 has already SUCKED bad enough and now this? We started out the year losing a baby – which would have been born next month – and in that span have already lost another? Why is it that we can’t sell our house? Why did we have to go through the roughest patch in our marriage? We could have bought – but we didn’t. It would have been foolish – so we listened to God. And here we are – still stuck. We forgave and loved – to be welcomed by this hurt? I know – I know – WOE IS ME. Yes. I have a BEAUTIFUL baby boy – an absolute miracle (which if I never thought he was – I sure do now). I have a great husband who loves me and cries with me and puts up with me and puts up with me – did I say that? I have a family who is awesome – a roof over my head – a great job that I’m great at.
BUT – dang it – I’m mad. And sad. And angry. And jealous. And forgotten. Have you ever felt forgotten? If you are a girl and you were a teenager at some point – I KNOW you have. I just feel shoved to the side. I feel like I am watching all these people around me – revel in their blessings and happiness and here we are – barely hanging on.
I don’t doubt that God loves me. I don’t doubt for one SECOND that Jesus died for me (and you). There are a few things I’m unsure of – but I just don’t know if this is the place. I’ve got enough stuff going on right now. And I don’t doubt His plan for our lives. I’m just not sure what the WHAT He’s thinking.
When we lost Enoch in 2009 – it started a connection with people I would have never met. That was beautiful and I now see the beauty from pain. But couldn’t it have happened another way? Did I have to lose a baby for those connections to happen?
What the heck – I’m just gonna say it. Sometimes – I think it’s useless to pray. I’ll get crap for that one – don’t worry. But I’m serious. Here’s the thing. People – LOTS of people prayed for our little baby this week – prayed for a MIRACLE. And it didn’t happen. Our little babe didn’t hold on and beat the odds – despite HOURS of praying.
In 2011 – I prayed for 5 certain families to get pregnant and have babies. All 5 of them did. Within two months of each other. I just looked up the meanings of their names – this is crazy.
A – fiery. C – from the heavens. E – the Lord is my God. J – fire of the Lord. E – the Lord is my God. See the similarities? I don’t believe in coincidences.
Did my praying aid in all that? I’m not saying – oh look at me – I’m magical and have a special connection with God – cus He totally answered my prayer and then blew my mind about it. But guess what – I am His child and I do have a relationship with Him – and in that – the power of Jesus. So if you give me this situation – I would argue that prayer KICKS BUTT.
Why not in ours? Why are we grieving. Again. Why have 3 out of my 4 babies been taken to heaven? With other miscarriages – I was so thankful that I never had to see a baby on a screen and see a heart beat and then say goodbye. Why did that happen this time? Why did I have to see that sweet one and see it’s heart beat only to find out that it’s not meant to be?
Ugh. So many emotions. I could type all night.
I leave you with this. Jared and I had agreed before we got pregnant this time that the next time would be the last. We couldn’t go through another miscarriage. Just couldn’t – and here we are. Going through it. I can’t do this again. I feel like – I can take a hint. It’s not working. I asked for a baby. God – please give me a baby. And I have one. He is gorgeous and amazing. When we were trying for 18 months – I was MISERABLE. I was angry and preoccupied. Babies were ALL I thought about. I buried myself in my work. I don’t want to be that person again. I have a sweet boy to love and enjoy and I don’t want to miss out on that because I’m so consumed with wanting another baby. Our doctor asked if I wanted to be referred to the fertility specialists in Danville – cus now they can say something is obviously wrong that I can’t carry a baby past 8 weeks. Even though I did. Once. So please pray for our happiness. That I would be happy in knowing that Fitzy is our only one. I want to be happy in that and enjoy this miracle we were blessed with. While we wait to see the other 3.
BABY *J* – BORN ON THE 4TH OF JULY
I’ve known Ashley quite a while on FACEBOOK!
When she found out she was expecting she asked me to do the first year package for their son!
Turns out he waited till the 4th to make his appearance!
OH MY HEART!
HELLO HANDSOME!
Ashley & Phil – thank you SO much for asking me to capture these moments for you!
See you in 6 months – they will FLY by!
*D* FAMILY
I met Marine through my friend KT – they were friends in college!
We reconnected on FACEBOOK and prayed together in trying to hold our own miracles. Marine was BARELY pregnant when I had Fitzy and I was so excited we could share in this journey!
They were headed back home after vacation and stopped by my house to see Fitzy – and get some photos!
IS HE NOT ADORABLE!?
I LOVE LOVE LOVE that black & white photo on top! SUCH LOVE!
Little *E* – you are such a sweet boy! I am SO thankful that I finally got to hold you!
Marine & Adam – thanks for stopping by – so thankful we can experience these boys together!
BROTHER & SISTER
I took photos of *L* and *L* earlier this year – and FELL IN LOVE!
Sheri wanted some more photos of her cute kiddos around Wellsboro!
It started to rain on our way downtown – but we made it work!
These next few photos are my FAVORITE – EVER!
We ended our session at the library – such a PERFECT spot!
OH MY HEART!
Sheri & JC – thank you SO much for asking me to capture your kiddos – I can’t wait till this fall!
WAITING FOR ALEXANDER
I met Julie and her sweet family two years ago – time is flying too fast!
They are adding another sweet baby and asked me to capture the first year of little Alexander’s life!
HOW SWEET IS SHE!?
I LOVE LOVE LOVE those last shots!
Julie – I cannot WAIT to meet little Alexander!
FITZGERALD – 15 MONTHS
Dearest Fitzgerald –
You are such a happy baby – from the moment you wake up until you ask to go to sleep! You still don’t sleep well – but I’m kind of – sort of – maybe – holding onto hope that you might? You walk now. You talk. You say dada – mom – book – ball – hot – yuck – bock bock – moo – vroom – and tell us all sorts of stories that we can’t comprehend! You have 6 teeth and curly blonde hair. You LOVE to be in the water and on the farm! You give momma kisses and hug me ever so tight. Lately I’ve just been crying in the middle of the day when I look at you. You are a beautiful miracle and you bless (and challenge) my life every day! I love you!
We visited G and G Trout for a week in July – and you would have stayed with the chickens all day if we let you!
On your 15 month birthday (yes – your momma is kinda crazy) I took you out around the house for some pictures!
You were bock-bocking like a chicken here!
You’ve grown to love your little hats! Which I LOVE!
OH MY HEART!
Fitzy – you are such a joy and we love you SO much! You were born for such a time as THIS! I can’t wait to see the great things that God will do through you!
