I took pictures of *A* last year and her mom wanted another session this summer! I was SO excited!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE how these shots turned out!

*A* said to me – you know what – my FAVORITE part of summer is when you come take my picture! Talk about making my day – or year!

Thank you SO much for having me over! I can’t wait to see you again next year!

In June – we took Fitzy to the zoo – in the Bronx!

My sister and her husband live in New Jersey – so it’s two trips in one!

Crazy boy!

My sister has lost over 150 pounds in 14 months! I can’t stop telling everyone I meet about her! She looks (and feels) FANTASTIC!

Fitzy is a pretty cautious little guy – he didn’t want to get too close – didn’t want to pet anything – just enjoyed the day!

It was a LONG but great day!

Fitzy LOVES his Sammy (or as he calls her – Hammy) and Xavier. Both mornings he woke up saying – HAMMMMMY! HAMMMMY! HAMMMMMMMY!

Thanks SO much for having us over for the weekend – we love you guys!

As I sit here and type this blog – a can feel the tiny little movements of a baby inside. Just the little flutters that make you realize there is indeed something in there.

We find out whether this addition is a boy or a girl on July 10th. Either way – this will most likely be our last addition. I love being pregnant and would be thrilled to have at least 4 children. But I have to remember that we have 5 – and for all eternity – we will celebrate with them! I love being a momma – more than anything I’ve ever done. Jared keeps reminding me that kids are WAY out of his comfort zone – although – he is a FANTASTIC daddy to Fitzy. While our hearts are so happy with this little miracle and Fitzgerald – we still hurt from time to time. I don’t have a great history of staying pregnant. And while I don’t want to live my life in fear – I DO want to enjoy what I have been given. It’s a hard decision to make – thankfully – we have time.

But especially with the 99% chance that this will be our last baby – I want to enjoy every precious minute I can.

I took a maternity leave with Fitzy . Kinda. Sorta. Not really.

And while I loved taking your pictures – I did miss that little baby.

So this time – I will be taking 6 months off. Seriously. From November to April – I will not be scheduling any sessions or weddings. When I do return – it will be on a 1 wedding a month limit – with a handful of sessions (most likely current clients) each month. I am still trying to decide what to do about new referrals outside of seniors – since they are mostly always new clients. And this might be the norm from here on out – until my kiddos are all in school.

I’ve known one thing my whole life – I want to be a momma. And God knew. And He heard. And He gave. And He gives. Again.

SO – if you know that you want a session next year once May rolls around – it’s not too early to let me know. I already have one wedding in September and an inquiry for May. And if I’ve taken pictures for you before and you need some done while I am off – email me – and I will recommend some great photographers to you!

Thank you all for your love – your support – your prayers. It means so much.

The first night we were in the hospital with Fitzy – the nurse asked if we wanted him with us or in the nursery. I said – if I say nursery – am I a bad mom? She giggled and reassured me that I was not. I said – then nursery it is! They brought him in when he was hungry and then took him back when he was done. I look back on this and I think – I can’t believe I didn’t want to just hold him and eat him up. I can’t believe I let him just lie in that cold cart all by himself. Oh right – I was exhausted – and the nurses took great care of him.

When we brought him home – I had every intention of putting him in a bassinet next to our bed. Which I did – but he cried. As soon as I picked him up – he went to sleep. As soon as I laid him down – he woke up and cried. While I tend to be a non-sympathetic person in general – when it comes to babies – I melt. I couldn’t let my new baby cry. What if he thought I didn’t love him. What if he thought I left him. What if he got scared. Yes – I actually thought these things.

It didn’t really matter. Schrute did not adjust well to Fitzy. I asked my dog-loving friends – they said – wait it out – give him a chance. Every time Fitzy made a move or a noise – Schrute was there in the blink of an eye – and not always gentle. He was jealous and confused. He was anxious and irritable. I didn’t trust him – I was uneasy.

I was exhausted. I would nurse Fitzy in bed and fall back asleep – sitting up – holding him. By the grace of God – nothing horrible happened. Jared was uneasy with it and so was I. We took to sleeping in the recliners in the living room with Fitzy on my chest – I would wake up and nurse him – and fall back asleep with him cradled in my arms – thankfully again – God kept him safe. It wasn’t ideal – but until Schrute found a new home – it would have to do.

side note – finding a new home for our first baby was one of the HARDEST things we’ve ever had to do. EVER . lots of people made me feel bad about it. some people understood. but for the most part – we were horrible for just getting rid of our dog. while he is doing fantastic in his new home – he has also bit two people. because they pet him unexpectedly. isn’t that exactly what babies and toddlers do. that could have been Fitzy – and it could have been fatal. and then I would most definitely be institutionalized.

We found a new home for Schrute. Time to have Fitzy sleep on his own – in the bassinet in our room. Our house is a little patched together. Our first floor is the kitchen and living room. Our second-ish floor is the bathroom and bedroom and laundry room and little cubby rooms. Our third-ish floor has two bedrooms. Our attic is big enough for two BIG rooms and a bathroom and then there is a loft in the attic. Our bedroom is on the second-ish floor. Fitzy’s is on the third-ish floor. WHICH FREAKS ME OUT. (I’m a control freak – remember) and while I try my best to keep it at bay – having my child on a different floor than me is NOT okay. I don’t know if it would ever be – especially such a teeny baby.

We moved his crib downstairs – tried here and there – he wanted to sleep right next to momma – which I didn’t mind. Oddly enough. I NEVER intended to be a co-sleeping mom. Co-sleeping moms are kinda crazy – so they say. That was NOT going to be me. I’ve heard stories about babies that sleep in their parents bed till Kindergarten. Nope. Not me. Not us. Won’t happen. But here we were.

Fitzy didn’t even really sleep through the night until about 14 months. Seriously. Having Fitzy sleep right next to me and get up multiple times in the night – way easier than me getting up and completely waking up. Every night.

Then Jared was not okay with it. He didn’t really let me know at first – it just exploded into this issue (followed by several other issues) and there was NOT going to be a baby in our bed anymore. His crib was moved upstairs (ugh). And since our friends said that they let their babies cry it out – that is what we were going to do. I was NOT happy – to say the least. But I would try it. Fitzy cried for 3 hours. 3 HOURS STRAIGHT. I refused to go get him. We tried the 5 minutes – 15 minutes – 30 minutes – blah blah blah. Only made it worse. But this was something that he was bound and determined would work. Finally – he caved. Ya know – after 3 hours of non-stop screaming.

I was willing to work on it – little by little. But I am not a cry it out mom. Kudos to those of you that are. We moved his crib back downstairs and would put him in it for naps and then to start the night. Naps would last maybe 45 minutes in his crib. Compared to the 2 hours on the couch. So he usually naps on the couch (unless it’s the weekend – then it’s on Jared) while I blog or edit or organize.

He would start out the night in his crib and usually stand up and say MOMMA at about 1. I would pick him up and lay him in bed and fall back asleep. And he would sleep the rest of the night.

We need to renovate our house – like – majorly. New windows. in. every. blasted. room. New siding. on our giant house. New laundry and nook rooms. New electric. New bedrooms. New attic. New attic bathroom. New doorways. Basically you name it – it needs to be done. So the goal is to work on a back bedroom for us that shares a wall with a little bedroom for Fitzy – and by that time – to have a baby that can sleep on his own. All night. In his own bed.

I rock Fitzy to sleep. Have since the moment he came home. I love it. He is an almost 3 foot – 33 pound – almost 22 month old. Kind of hard to get comfortable in a rocking chair with me. He lets me rock him to sleep for nap time. But the past month – I’ve had to lay him down in bed next to me and bop him to sleep. Sing Silent Night – hold him close.

We took the front off his crib and moved it flush with our bed. When he is finally asleep – I move him to his bed. There has been ONE night he slept there in that bed from 9 to 7. ONE. So far he sleeps till about 3 and then crawls over to me and cuddles up and falls back asleep till about 8. (Once when he was little bitty and sleeping in his car seat – yes we tried that trick – he slept all night – those are the two times)

Progress. Slow and steady. I make sure that this issue isn’t an issue in our marriage anymore – that I make time for Jared. That just because we have friends that don’t live this way – doesn’t mean that it’s horrible that we do. And I’ve completely changed my mind about co-sleeping parents. I understand now that some parents choose this option and that it works for them. While I don’t want Fitzy sleeping with us forever – it’s what worked for us then. For now.

And while I am frustrated and exhausted and basically running on prayers and little Fitzy kisses – I still love singing Silent Night. Every. Night.

I wrote this blog a month ago – so to update – He’s been getting worse the past week – he does have a cold – so it might be that. But it takes anywhere from 30 minutes to 90 minutes to get him to sleep and then he gets up at 130 and then again at 330 and stirs till 430 and then again at 630 and stays up usually. I cry for the 30 to 90 minutes it takes to get him to sleep. I cry when he wakes up at 630 – ready to go. I’ve been going to sleep when he does – leaving almost no time with just Jared – and this will not be an issue again. I have an appointment today for his little feet (he walks on the insides of his little ankles – really bad – maybe he’s in pain. hopefully there is something we can do for him. i have an appointment next week to see if we need to go gluten free – maybe it’s his little tummy. i can’t wait till warmer weather where he can run around and play outside and fall asleep on the floor playing – he has NEVER done that)

A huge surprise happened last night! It took 30 minutes to get him to sleep – usually he just wants to play and talk. He fell asleep at 9 and at 5 am woke up – IN HIS CRIB. He crawled over to me and we got up at 8. SERIOUS ANSWER TO PRAYER. And while my old self would say – it’s just a fluke – my new self is thankful for this! SO THANK YOU!

When I was little – we had a box counting down the days to Christmas. Every day after school – we would run up to the house and open the little box. CANDY! That’s all we would do. Eat the candy and replace the box at the top of the tower – waiting for tomorrow!

At MOPS this year – we made little advent calendars – with boxes. I wanted to do more than just count down the days with candy – which Fitzy doesn’t really get much of anyway. My friend Ericka shared her #25daysofgiving list with me and I added some of our own!

I want to keep Christmas sweet and simple. I want it to be about giving – NOT getting. I want Fitzy to learn this at a very young age. I can’t wait till he is old enough to suggest his own acts of kindess! I can’t wait to hear what comes from his sweet little heart.

I’ll give you a rundown of what we did for #25daysofgiving –

1. CHRISTMAS CARDS TO SOLDIERS – one of my clients is a soldier. He just so happened to be gone this Christmas – so we sent him a little love – in a card!

2. FOOD TO LOCAL ANIMAL SHELTER – we dropped off a laundry basket and some treats for the animals!

3. DONATE ITEMS TO PREGNANCY CENTERS – this is the one I didn’t get to do. I contacted someone but still haven’t heard back from her. So I took the items I was going to donate to the GOODWILL instead.

4. ANGEL TREE – we picked a little girl from the angel tree at wal*mart and shopped for her!

5. DONATE CRAYONS AND COLORING BOOKS TO HOSPITAL – this was fun! Fitzy took the coloring books and crayons into the office and gave them to the secretaries!

6. DONATE ITEMS TO GOODWILL – I’ve been trying to purge our house and lives of all things we don’t need. It’s coming along. I took a few boxes down to the GOODWILL store in town!

7. DONATE ITEMS TO HOMELESS SHELTER – We have SO many blankets and pillows that have lost some of their oomph. I collected them and gave them to the homeless shelter in town.

8. HOT CHOCOLATE TO BELL RINGERS – this one fell on a not so chilly night – but the bell ringer was very appreciative!

9. CHRISTMAS CARDS TO STRANGERS WITH $ IN THEM – this was AWESOME! We put $10 in 5 different Christmas cards. One of my favorites. We gave the first card to a couple who tracked us down and told us they didn’t need it. I told them to pay it forward – it was in their hands now. The second was to an older man who let us cross the aisle in front of him. I think – we can’t remember – the third card was given to a younger girl with two little babies standing in line. The fourth to a woman and her little boy. The fifth to a college girl standing in line. She opened the card and screamed! Jared thought I put more than the $10 in! It was beautiful and humbling to do this for strangers!

10. HOT CHOCOLATE TO CROSSING GUARDS – unfortunately – crossing guards are out when Fitzy is napping – so this one is still on my TO DO list someday while I’m out running errands and can catch one!

11. COOKIES AND COFFEE TO POST OFFICE – I took some chocolate covered cherries to the USPS office to thank them for all they do every day. They were a little perplexed!

12. COOKIES AND COFFEE TO MAIL DELIVERY – we left a box of chocolate covered cherries and ribbon candy for our mail lady – we got a nice card the next day!

13. COOKIES TO GARBAGE MEN – we wrapped a box of chocolate covered cherries and ribbon candy in a bow with a Christmas card – hoping they would know it wasn’t garbage!

14. PAY FOR SOMEONES MEAL – we went to Papa V’s for dinner and three men held the door for us. I said to Jared – let’s pick them. I grabbed their waitress and gave her $40 telling her that we were going to pay for their meal and anything that was left was her tip. We ran into the owners of the restaurant (we go to church with them) and Fitzy ended up hanging out at their table quite a bit. We saw another friend there and chatted – keeping us at the restaurant while our guys were still at their table. The waitress came out and thanked them for coming and told them that their bill was taken care of. WHAT! But who? She leaned in and said – the table next to you. They turned around – shocked. We told them that it was #25daysofgiving for Christmas. They told us they were in town picking up one of their son’s from college – from North Carolina. It meant so much to them! When we left the restaurant – our bill had been taken care of too!

15. QUARTERS AT LAUNDROMAT – I left $10 in quarters in the machines at the laundromat in town – I got quite the array of looks!

16. QUARTERS AT GUMBALL MACHINES – we don’t have gumball machines at wal*mart anymore – so I left $10 in quarters at the vending machines with the little stuffed animals. When I came back out of wal*mart – Jared told me that an older man had taken all the quarters and played the machines. ALL OF THEM. I said – maybe THAT is what he needed today!

17. FOOD PANTRY – we donated some cupboard items to the food pantry in town!

18. COUPONS AT GAS PUMPS – we had some coupons for free things at SHEETZ – so we taped them to the gas pumps!

19. COOKIES FOR NEIGHBORS – Jared’s aunt and uncle are our down-the-road neighbors – so I left them a container of Christmas goodies!

20. GOODIES TO POLICE OFFICERS – I ended up dropping off a box of chocolate covered cherries at the State Police office.

21. VOLUNTEER AT NURSING HOME – my friend Missy brought her little guys along with me for this one! I had made some pictures for Fitzy to hand out – the residents really liked that! We walked around and let the little guys say hello and work their magic!

22. LEAVE A TIP THAT EQUALS THE BILL – our waitress that night was pretty cranky – but we left her a $30 tip anyway! Maybe she really needed it!

23. COOKIES TO LOCAL FIRE DEPARTMENT – thankfully someone was there when I knocked on the door!

24. LEAVE QUARTERS AT CAR WASH – we decided to skip this one – the car wash didn’t seem to give-to-the-needy – so we left $10 in quarters at the laundromat again!

25. $ AT GAS PUMPS – I took sticky notes and attached them to $5 bills we taped to the gas pumps at SHEETZ. On them I wrote – if you need it – take it – if you don’t – leave it – bless – be blessed.

We are going to do something very similar to this every December – and July – #25daysofChristmasinJuly – wanna join?

I cannot believe that little *E* is ONE already!

He is one of the miracle babies we prayed for and I just adore his little face!

The best Christmas present EVER!

The day after our session – Melanie and her little family said goodbye to their puppy Oakley. I’m so happy we were able to get some pictures with her!

LOVE THOSE ONES!

Santa BABY!

*E* – I know you are too little to remember her much – but Oakley LOVED you! I can’t wait to see you with your new puppy in a few months!

Sweetest boy!

My favorite shots of the day!

*E* – I just love you so much and am so happy you are here! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET ONE!

You know the rest right?

Then don’t say anything at all.

It’s my goal for 2013. Seriously. NO – SERIOUSLY.

I see SO many people on FACEBOOK whining and complaining about everybody else. The latest one was an area photographer complaining about the fact that EVERYONE is a photographer. Saying that the only people that deserve to be photographers are people with the right education and training. Other people joined in and named names about who they don’t like – who they don’t think deserves to be a photographer.

I’ve learned something recently when it comes to this business. PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSELF.

There will always be more and more people popping up and creating competition. There will always be clients that leave and go to another photographer – clients you thought were VERY happy with your work. It sucks. It will continue to suck. But why are you in this business in the first place?

For me – it’s not about money. It’s great that I can supplement our income with this job – but for me it’s about connecting.

It’s about creating a beautiful memory for someone. A moment captured in time that will never happen again – not EXACTLY the same anyway. I believe that God has given me a gift – an eye for moments. Some of you might not agree – and that’s PERFECTLY fine.

It’s about creating a connection with someone – capturing your emotion with my lens.

While I need clients to make my business run and work – I also don’t need to convince everyone to choose me. If you are unhappy with the work I’ve given you – I’m truly sorry. It breaks my heart. If you are using a different photographer and you are happy – then I am happy.

In October I took the month off from FACEBOOK – it helped my work SO MUCH! I wasn’t focused on what everyone else was shooting – I was focused on what I was shooting. I wasn’t comparing myself to anyone. While I truly believe that we need to push ourselves and strive to be better – comparing ourselves does nothing but bring us down.

Instead of complaining about everyone else out there – GET OUT THERE! Push yourself. Know your strengths. Admit your weaknesses. Network with other photographers in your area – ones that you personally enjoy. I have a handful of people I refer to when I am unavailable. I would NEVER refer a client to someone I didn’t trust to do my own photos.

We are all in this together – this crazy thing called life. We can either fight and argue with each other (which believe me – I’ve done more than my fair share of) OR we can support and encourage each other. It’s YOUR choice.

I still suggest we all listen to the advice that Thumper’s dad told him in Bambi – “If you can’t say something nice – don’t say nothing at all.”

I met Libby a few years ago when I took some 5th generation photos for her! We have a lot of mutual friends and stayed in touch on FACEBOOK. Then she started dating Dan. Dan is one of Fitzy’s namesakes – and we LOVE him.

She wanted some photos of her little guy *E* and Dan – well – just because. Libby’s house was one of those that got hit hard with the flooding last year – she lost EVERYTHING on the first floor. She needs some smiles on her new walls!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE those shots!

I know I’ve done this pose a lot lately – but I just can’t get enough of it!

Throw a cute baby boy in there – and it’s even BETTER!

SERIOUSLY!

MELT MY HEART!

How to get the best shots of a little boy? Let him climb a dirt mound –  WORKS EVERY TIME!

Seriously – a photographer’s DREAM!

*E* threw his head back on that last shot – PERFECTION!

Libby & Dan – we just LOVE you guys so much! Thanks for asking me to capture THIS moment in your lives!

KT and I met in 2005 – I think. We immediately connected and became really close friends. In 2007 – she lived with us for a semester while attending college at Mansfield. In early 2010 – things got crazy. It doesn’t matter what happened – but we stopped talking. We were both very hurt and angry and confused. I missed her. I missed out on her pregnancy and birth of *O*. I missed her being there while I was pregnant with Fitzy. I had photographed her so many times – just for fun – her engagement to *C* – her wedding. I was sad. We had been such close friends and then nothing but hurt and anger.

I don’t remember exactly how we started talking again. I had some albums of her that I didn’t use anymore and wanted to make sure they were in her hands and not just in my closet collecting dust. I emailed her and asked if she wanted them. We talked about how much we missed our friendship. We said we were sorry. We admitted our wrongs and asked for forgiveness.

We finally met at a park over the summer with our sweet children. Jared and I stayed with them in September and they came down to see us last month.

I’m SO excited to have this friendship back – and equally excited to post these photos!

She is SO cute! Fitzy loves her and they get along so well!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE those shots!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE those ones too! I want that top picture on MY wall!

KT – I LOVE YOU. I am so thankful that we got over ourselves and reconnected.

I’m so excited you were finally in front of my camera again!

*M* is my favorite four year old!

Her cousins were visiting so we took advantage and got some shots with them!

She looks TOO grown up!

BEAUTIFUL girls!

She LOVES LOVES LOVES Fitzy! And her is pretty fond of her too!

*M* – I love you so much! I can’t believe you are FOUR!