I met Robbyn and her hubby through my awesome clients Terry & Shannon!!

Her girls are so cute and they LOVE LOVE LOVE Fitzy! I brought my sister and Fitzy to the session just in case we needed some bribery! We did!

SO PRECIOUS!

She was a tough one to get – then we brought out the Fitzy bribes!

SO SWEET!

Thank you SO much for having us over! I hope you LOVE your pictures as much as I do!

Megan is an awesome friend and fellow photographer. She is also an awesome momma!

I spent some time with her and Seth celebrating their little guy and getting some cute shots of him!

WHAT A SWEET BOY!

OH MY!

Hi little man!

Josiah – you are so loved and so blessed! I can’t wait for you and Fitzy to grow up together!!

Belinda and I have known each other since about 8th grade! We went to the same church and then to Mansfield University! Belinda has known Jared longer than I have – having Spanish classes together!

Last January her “little” miracle was born! Belinda and I cried and prayed with each other for a sweet baby to have and hold and love. God answered our prayers and our boys are 3 months apart – almost to the day!

I cannot BELIEVE that little *C* is ONE already – which means Fitzy will be turning one way too soon!

I’ll take out that little mark by his eye for their photos – but I had to get a sneak peek up – and I always keep it in a copy too. Boys are boys – scrapes and all!

Isn’t he the sweetest!

OH MY HEART!

Belinda – I am so thankful you are in our lives! It’s so awesome that God gave us little boys to grow up together!

How can I be so absolutely sad for me yet so completely happy for you?

I’ve written about it before – when you want NOTHING more than to hold a child in your arms – you’ve lost a baby and you are trying SO HARD to have another. And then someone you love – your dear friend or your sister – tell you they are expecting. The first emotion for me is absolute rage and jealousy. Yes – rage. How dare you tell me that you are expecting. Don’t you know what I’m going through? Don’t you know that I want to be the one with the great news to tell? You know you have happiness in your now very dark brown – almost black heart – for them – but you really don’t want to look for it. So you hug them or tell them congrats. Then you walk away and you cry and you scream. And you ask God why them and not me. Why aren’t they experiencing this heartache – not that I would EVER want them to – but why?

Looking back on it – I’ve lost a couple good friendships because I couldn’t answer that question. I couldn’t watch them grow and be excited about their baby when every month my test was negative. Again. I couldn’t bear when they hugged me and told me it would happen – in God’s time. Because in the meantime I had to watch God’s timing unfold in their life right before my eyes. While I waited. And waited. And waited.

In 2010 I had a giant falling out with a VERY dear friend. What happened doesn’t matter now – but what happened on top of the issue – was that she told me she was pregnant. Their due date was in October. About 10 days after what would have been our little guy’s first birthday. I remember those emotions reading her email. I was SO FURIOUS. I literally saw red. I called my dear aunt L and sobbed to her. It’s not fair. After all THIS and THEN I find out she’s pregnant! I was honestly more upset about the pregnant part than the other. I missed out on her pregnancy – the birth of her sweet one – and the first year of that little girl’s life. Because I couldn’t bear to see her pregnant and not me.

Another friend announced her pregnancy RIGHT after we lost Enoch – it was so fresh and so painful. We wanted to be pregnant together and the simple solution was to try again. We tried. And tried. And tried. And nothing. Again – I couldn’t bear to watch this friend enjoy this beautiful miracle while I wanted it – craved it – so badly. We are still friends now – but not nearly as close as we once were.

There are at least TEN other women I know who announced their pregnancies right around mine. It will be hard. It will be unfair. It will suck. Please know that when I’m not commenting on your photos or updates – it’s because I have to hide you on fbook. I can’t see the weekly updates. I get so angry and jealous. I question again – WHY US – AGAIN. It’s not you. It’s me.

My brother and his wife are having another baby in early April. Why can’t we join them in the happy pregnancies and welcoming of babies! It’s a horrible feeling to have – especially against your brother. An insane jealousy. A complete unfairness.

EVEN THOUGH – I am SO HAPPY for them – all of them. So happy that their hearts will grow a little more for this baby joining their lives! Happy that their arms are full of a smiling – sweet smelling – miracle! Happy that their prayers have been answered.

How can you be equally happy and so sad at the same time? It’s so possible. I’ve been there. I am there again. I am there EVERY TIME I look at my list of names and pray.

How can you get through?

Jesus. Forgiveness. Love. Prayer. Honesty. Hugs. Prayer. Tears. Prayer. Jesus. Forgiveness. You get it.

My brother and his wife are awesome. They know I am so happy for them and sad for me. They are sad about their niece or nephew they don’t get to hold. They know that when I can’t talk to them it isn’t personal – it’s just a hard day.

The first friend I talked about – I feel like it’s been 10 years since we’ve talked – or seen each other – it’s “only” been two years – two years too long. But SOMETIMES the heart needs time to heal – most of the time actually. We have both grown so much in 2 years. I have learned so much and Jesus has been hugging me and loving on me and showing me forgiveness. He has answered my prayer. For a baby. For a sweet beautiful wonderful amazing (sleepless) child. In His time – you have to know how much I HATE WHEN PEOPLE SAY THAT TO ME. HATE. But – it’s true. Yuck. Jesus has forgiven me for my anger and my rage and my jealousy and my judging. And continues to forgive me cus I continue to feel that way.

This friend and I are now talking – we forgive and are forgiven. I miss her DEARLY. I am thankful for her forgiveness and willingness to make a new start.

Start this process with someone today – I know from experience that the worst that can happen is someone can tell you it isn’t genuine and to never speak to them again. It sucks. Or they can be a family member – and you try to ask what you’ve done wrong – can we fix this. And they totally ignore you. But YOU made the effort – you sought forgiveness. You apologized – genuinely. But the best that can happen is that you have a friendship again with someone you loved. Dearly.

I’ve known Kelly for quite a while now! I photographed her sister’s wedding a few years ago and have done some family photos for them!

Her wedding was in 2011 – then it moved to 2012 – then we found out we were pregnant – then I referred them to Bridget Reed – then we miscarried – then Bridget (who is awesome for several reasons) let me know that she could be mine again – so here we are! Back on for her wedding in September – and SO EXCITED!

I love love love when puppies come to sessions!

What a DOLL!

SISTERS!

SO SWEET!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that cozy shot!

Kelly & Joe – thank you SO MUCH for your understanding and awesomeness in everything! I will see you in September!

I met Sherry through her sister Brandy! We’ve had this newborn session on the books for quite a while!

*B* was one of the BEST newborns I’ve ever photographed. He was content and sleepy (for some of our session) and oh SO photogenic!

LOOK AT THAT FACE! I just don’t remember Fitzy being so very tiny! It goes so so so fast!

OH MY HEART!

OH SO SWEET!

Thank you SO much for having me into your home! I can’t wait to watch him grow!

I cannot believe that it’s been a year since I photographed little *L* upon her arrival!

I am so thankful that Sabrina asked me to capture her 1st birthday party!

LOVE LOVE LOVE the ideas she incorporated!

LOOK AT THAT FACE!

Sabrina – thank you SO much again! I can’t wait to see you guys this summer!

Sheri has two of the cutest little kids!

Her little girl is betrothed to Fitzy!

OH MY WORD!

*L* told me that he reads the paper EVERY SINGLE DAY! So we had to get a picture of that!

I love love LOVE that top picture!

She was such a little model for me!

Look at those two little teeth!

LOOK AT HER! She is such a doll!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that dresser! And those shots!

Sheri – thank you SO much for having me into your home! I cannot WAIT to capture your family this summer!

Baby *E* made his debut on Fitzy’s 8 month birthday! He is one of the five certain miracles we had been praying for – the third one to show his beautiful face!

He is tiny and sweet – such a little miracle!

OH MY HEART!

I can’t even remember Fitzy being that tiny! They are just so perfect!

Melanie – he is BEAUTIFUL! I am so happy for you!