When we had our AMAZING session with Rachel Absher in November – I though for sure I would be ordering a canvas print from her – but her collages were so tempting!

I dropped off our print at The Hidden Artist in Troy a few weeks ago to have it matted & framed – and COULD NOT BE HAPPIER!

Thank you again Rachel for our BEAUTIFUL photos! Thank you Steve for the AMAZING matting & framing job!

We watched a video in church a few weeks ago – that made me cry! It showed the defining moments in your life – from birth to that last breath.

Here are some of my favorite moments – my hardest moments – my defining moments!

When my sister and I were little we lived in an upstairs apartment in Waverly with three kiddos that lived below us. I can remember running up and down our stairs with these boys and playing with them. When Derek was born we moved into the trailer court until I was 10. My Grandma Trout used to take us to church with her. We used to spend the night at her house but at 3 in the morning I would need to go home – so my Grandpa Trout would take me home. I remember sitting in the front seat of his little blue car and watching the napkins on the dashboard flutter in the wind from the windows. We played legos on the floor of the living room for hours. Samm and I would sit in the bathtub in our pajamas and read paragraphs to each other out of different books. We would put dance shows on for the neighborhood and my mom would record them for us. We usually wore our bathing suits with a skirt – and the dance moves were pretty cheesy! We would play dress up with the neighbor girls and her Grandma always had those pink mints set out. I had headaches almost every day until third grade – sleeping – throwing up – crying. My brother was playing swords with a neighbor boy once and got hit on the head. Samm came running in with blood all over her and poor Derek. My mom put him in the bathtub and we cried and cried. When I was sick or scared I would go to mom and dad’s room and climb in bed with them. My mom had a wooden club in the closet that looked like a monster head – so creepy! One night – either Samm or I thought or really saw someone in the hallway and screamed. My dad came running out of their room in his underwear ready to tackle the imaginary intruder. We climbed trees – played in the creek and leaves – rode our bikes around the park – watched cartoons – had a great childhood!

On Christmas day – 1990 – my Grandpa Trout died. I remember being in the living room and my mom answering the phone. I remember the look on her face – the change in her voice. Telling my dad the news and we all sat on the couch and cried. It didn’t snow that Christmas – and every Christmas since then hasn’t been the same. We moved into the farmhouse my dad grew up in once June of 1991 came around. My Grandma Trout lived downstairs and we lived upstairs – sharing a kitchen. We remodeled the entire upstairs. We got a Sega Genesis for Christmas one year – and played and played and played! We would play baseball in the front yard with our cousin Matt – superheroes in the backyard – spend hours in the shale pit!

Going into middle school – we all got baptized as a family! My parents had given their life to Jesus after my Grandpa died and my dad stopped drinking – creating a new chapter in our lives! I met my friend Sara and we hung out all the time – youth group functions – weekends at her house – movies. I remember sitting in her living room and watching the Waterfalls video from TLC over and over again. Letting my friends know about my new life in Jesus – inviting them to every church function we had! Going to the movies with my friends and getting kicked out of the theater cus they were so loud and wondering if my mom was going to be so mad at me! Running through our cow fields with my sister and the boys we liked! Switching churches from Bentley Creek to Athens – meeting our friend Jamie and spending every weekend with her!

Pottery and photography class in high school – sitting next to Lucas in drafting class for years – listening to country music on the bus rides to and from school. Learning (and hating) how to drive – painting our room bright blue and spilling it all over the car on my first drive without my mom or dad – leaving my English classroom because the substitute had us watch Jerry Springer on a daily basis. Spending the night with Adrianne and Rachel – swimming in Andi’s pool and finding her cat in the dryer (she was okay). Becoming editor of the yearbook – struggling with my OCD with copying notes and recopying notes and then copying them over one more time. Waking up one morning and not being able to swallow – dealing with eating applesauce and smooshed foods for months while my mind got over this issue. Being terrified of going to college and leaving my family!

Spending the summer before college with my sister – savoring every moment! My mom and dad dropping me off at Philadelphia University and crying as they left. Meeting Trudy – my RA – and making a connection with her – getting me through that first semester in college. Calling my parents and begging them to come get me – let me come home and quit. My dad being tough and telling me that I couldn’t quit – that I needed to stay and finish the semester – not understanding why he had to be so tough on me. I would cry the whole car ride home and the whole car ride back to college – every time! Transferring to Mansfield University – chopping all my hair off – staying in my room and studying – not associating with anyone. Listening to Trudy on the other end of the phone telling me that she had read Left Behind and needed Jesus in her life – could I help her with that! Rejoicing in her life with Jesus!

Working at the deli the first summer in college – meeting James and his family and hanging out with everyone till 3 in the morning almost every night. Derek, Samm, and I were so close that summer – leaving my parents to work on their rough moment at their 20 year mark. Drive-ins – mini-golf – movies – parks – swimming – driving – spending time enjoying my last year as a teenager! Fighting with my sister over boys – sometimes getting really heated. Going back to college and having a roommate that loved Jesus! Meeting everyone at CCC and FCA – meeting my life-long friends! Moving into the suite the next semester and meeting the girls and Josh – who became my best friend for the next 2 years. Spending the summer following Emerson Drive with my sister – driving all night sometimes – going to Ohio and staying in a hotel just to see them perform at a country fair. Spending time with the girls in the suite – going to the beach for the first time in Delaware! Late night talks and video games – witnessing and wondering – hoping and praying. The smell of Mansfield in the spring – skipping class to play football on the lawn – road trips to the Canyon.

Meeting Jared. Not knowing if he was someone I wanted – I needed – if I could let go of the boy I was already hung up on! Hanging out with Jared and falling in love with him – our first kiss – the first time he told me he loved me – traveling to State College to visit him during the summer. Coming back to school in the fall and realizing that my life was going so fast. Jared proposing – graduating college – getting married! Moving into our first apartment – learning to live with each other – to love each other! Getting a job at Phoenix – moving into the downstairs apartment – moving in with Jared’s parents when he lost his job. Meeting Johna and feeling like I met a long-lost sister! Moving into Jared’s grandparent’s house and making it our own.

Struggling with pain in my head that I though was a brain tumor – wanting to die instead of spending another moment in such intense pain. Becoming closer to Jared and closer to God through the struggles – the pain – the diagnosis of TMJ disorder and what would happen from here – praying for healing – for a miracle – for the chance to become a mother someday without worrying about being in pain every minute. Finding Dr. Robinson through a miracle connection and being fitted with a retainer that offered nearly 100% relief – remembering what life felt like without pain every moment.

Talking with Jared about getting a puppy and starting a family! We both found Schrute on a website and called each other and said I FOUND HIM – we knew he was ours! Driving to Pittsburgh in a snowstorm to pick him up and finding out 2 weeks later that we were pregnant! Making the decision to quit Phoenix and make barden photography a full-time dream come true! Getting so excited about our first appointment to see our miracle and seeing nothing – the devastation – the heartache – the confusion and anger. Wondering what went wrong – waiting to miscarry and say goodbye – starting to try again – and try and try and try with no answers. Blogging both my professional and personal life – meeting mommas and daddas that also struggle with loss and the want of a child. Being blessed and being a blessing to those people who I now consider dear friends.

Having a great first two years with barden photography – loving my clients and all the special people that God put in our lives through photography. Being there for other women dealing with loss and infertility. Being very angry with God – yelling at him and not trusting His plan – crying every day and having my heart scream at the sight of a baby or pregnancy. Knowing that Jared wanted to help and there was nothing anyone could say or do – being so sad it hurt.

Praying for answers and peace and comfort and finally reaching that point – finding out a day later that we were pregnant again! Wondering and praying and worrying and hoping this baby was meant to be in our arms and not with his brother. Knowing that being a momma was my dream and first love and putting barden photography in second place. Struggling with the decision and excited with our little one’s arrival! Finding out that we were going to have a bay boy – sharing the news with everyone we love! Loving my husband more today – almost 7 years married – than I ever thought I could. Waiting for our baby boy to be in our arms – two months from now!

What are your defining moments – your memorable moments – your favorite moments?

A few weeks ago Jared woke up with a very unfriendly stomach and stayed home from work – camping out on the couch. I try very hard to be sympathetic – which you know is a struggle for me! Schrute – however – is VERY sympathetic!

I just LOVE him!!

He is such a good little protector! I really think he will be great with Fitzy – if anything – too loving!

When I left for MOPS that morning I caught a photo of the HUGE icicle hanging from our house! I also got a dirty look from Schrute – how dare I leave him!

He is just the BEST!

My baby brother Derek and his wife had their first child on February 7th! Rowyn Beth is the first grandchild on our side and Jessica’s side of the family!

Derek and Jessica live in Kentucky where Derek is attending seminary until the end of May! They are looking for jobs this summer and we hope that they find one near home!

A few weeks ago my mom, dad, cousin, and I drove the 12 hours to Kentucky to spend a couple days with the baby and new parents!

We ran into a traffic accident – which turned out to be a mobile meth lab scare – detouring us FOUR hours! We should have gotten to KY at 6 but didn’t pull in their driveway till 10 PM! Thankfully Rowyn was up for some snuggles before we went to bed!

My mom – Gramma Trout – loves squishing Rowyn’s cheeks!!

My brother is an AMAZING father! He loves his little girl so much!

I love love LOVE those shots! She is so comfortable in her dadda’s arms!

Holding her for the first time!

Our cousin Matt – Uncle Bunny – to his nephew – holding Rowyn!

Holding dadda’s hand!

Oh my heart! It just melts at the sight of Derek with his daughter!

Rowyn telling Grampa Trout how it is!! Love those photos!

Gramma was pinching her cheeks again!

Gramma and Grampa Trout with their first grandchild!

I just love love LOVE her!

Rowyn and her momma!

She is so incredibly sweet! Stay tuned for her newborn shoot over the next few days!

I cannot wait to have maternity photos taken! In the meantime – Jared took some quick shots for me when we were 27 weeks pregnant!

And then again at 29 weeks!

I am still in shock that I actually have my OWN maternity photos – that there is a little boy kicking my insides!

GOD IS SO GOOD!

Thank you again to everyone who reads my blog, supports my photography, and rejoices with us over this miracle!

I love just because sessions!

While I was visiting my sister at the end of January – we met up with her friend Rosie to take some just because pictures! Somehow we didn’t even think about the setting sun and barely made it in time for daylight!

My sister is INSANE – lying in the snow – the FREEZING snow! It made for some awesome photos though!

LOVE THOSE SHOTS!

We also met up with Samm’s friend Jess and her little guy at Olive Garden – and I had to bring my camera in – of course!

OH MY WORD – he is just too cute!!!

We have been attending Liberty Bible Church since October – and are loving it!

A few weeks ago – the sermon focused on the giants you face in life.

David faced his own giant in Goliath. Instead of seeing the giant and realizing the impossible – he saw the giant and realized the possible – that he couldn’t miss! David was an optimist – much unlike myself! He faced his giant and he won!

Our pastor asked what our giants were in our own life – addiction – anger – worry – hatred – you get the point.

Right now in my life – my giants are jealousy and anger and fear.

There are times that I still feel jealous and angry when I find out about someone expecting. When that person didn’t have to try very hard – didn’t have to struggle for a beautiful miracle – doesn’t even know what is lying in their own womb – so precious. It’s hard to have those feelings – to admit to those feelings.

I look at other photographers and wonder why I can’t be at their level. I look at everyone around me buying cameras and wonder where my business is headed.

I get so caught up with what I think should happen with my babies – Fitzy and barden photography – that I don’t let God take control. Remember – I am a control freak and giving that up – even to God – is very difficult.

I want to not worry about Fitzy – whether he has moved in a few hours or not – whether he is okay in there – what will happen when he is born and we bring him home and he is actually ours! What happens when I’m not a perfect parent and I mess up – make mistakes – will it affect him greatly. What happens when he is at a friend’s house and has a piece of hard candy and I’m not there to make sure he sits down while he is eating it! (I hate seeing kiddos with hard candy – it makes me a nervous wreck) When he goes to school that first day and I’m not there! His first sleepover – his first time driving – that first time driving without me in the car – when he goes to college – gets married – has babies of his own! Oh my!

I want to not worry about photography – will I get enough to make it by this month – will I get enough weddings for the year – will I lose the clients I love – will facebook really hurt me or help me! I love that God gave me this passion and talent – I love that I get to share it with so many of you. Through this blog and my sessions – my clients have become friends – dear friends! I’ve been struggling lately with some issues that I need to give to God in regards to this baby. Please pray for me!

So – those are my giants – what are yours ?

You don’t have to share them with me – or anyone – just think about it – pray about it – give it to God!

. BE YOURSELF .

It’s something I have always tried to remain true to. It wasn’t always easy! Thankfully I had several influences in my life that encouraged me to be myself.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and how to reach those kids that are in that crucial stage of their lives! I remember all too well what it was like to be in that stage! It’s awkward and painful and confusing and stressful. You want all the attention in the world but you don’t want anyone to notice you. You feel stuck.

I want to document this stage – this important phase of life that we seem to wish away so quickly. As parents you wish your little guy or girl would just come back to you and this stage would pass. When you are going through it you can’t wait to grow up – to not be a kid anymore!

You are becoming who you are during these moments! I want to capture those faces – show the beauty in them!

. BECOMING WHO YOU ARE .

When you book a session for your 9 to 14 y/o during the month of February – you get $50 off your session!

(the session doesn’t have to take place in February – just the deposit down)

On a side note – I was struggling with the decision to focus on only seniors, babies & maternity, and brides with weddings with Fitzy coming. Are you kidding me? I can’t give up the rest of you! I will still be doing all sorts of photography sessions – families, babies, kiddos, maternity, pets, seniors, just because, pretty much anything! I will only be taking appointments 3 days a week this year so make sure to get your appointment on the calendar!

Thank you again to all of you that support me. pray for me. encourage me. love me.

. BE YOURSELF .

Why are YOU here? On this earth – in THIS country – residing in THIS town – knowing the people that you know?

I know the answer.

To share the good news of Jesus with everyone you meet – everyone you know – everyone you come in contact with!

Do you do it? I don’t. I need to.

Why is it so hard – the people in my life are people that I want to go to heaven – to escape the eternity of hell we all deserve.

There are people that aren’t in my life – that I have never met – the need to know Jesus. EVERYONE needs to know Jesus – everyone needs to be spared the eternity of hell.

Why is it that I can’t talk to my best friends about the importance of accepting Jesus – my grandparents – my aunts and uncles?

Why is it that I can write about it so openly on here – it’s not anonymous – you know who I am.

My aunt L – my DEAR aunt L – recently started an evangelism class. In her class there was a challenge – to share the love of Christ with one person you didn’t know that week. Most of the time I think it’s much easier to share with someone you don’t know than someone you do. If you share with someone you don’t know and they think you are crazy – you don’t have to see them again – most likely! When you share your love of Jesus with someone you know – someone you are close to – and they think you are crazy – you don’t have anywhere to go!

And that reason alone is one of the big reasons why I don’t share the way I should – which is weird because I normally don’t care what people think of me!

So here goes with the first step!

God created the universe – every last ounce of matter! He created you and me. He loves you and me. We sin – every day. Sin separates us from God – Jesus bridges that gap. Jesus is God’s son – who died – for you and me. He takes on our sin so that we don’t have to live in hell for eternity – be separated from God. Ask Him into your heart – ask Him into your life! Ask Him to CHANGE your life – to change the way you think – the way you interact – the way you LIVE!

You will not regret it!!

So I leave you with this challenge – this week share Jesus with someone you don’t know – let me know how it goes!

Next week – share with someone you DO know – someone that doesn’t know Jesus – let me know how it goes!

Praying for your encounters!!