I am so thankful for my God – my husband – my family – my friends – my Schrutie – my job. Oh so thankful!

I am continuing the 2010 = HOPE prayer and will be for the whole year – I just might need some help!

If you know me – you know that I am NOT an optimist! It is something that is very hard for me to do – look on the up side of things.

I like to imagine lines in heaven when we are babies in the womb. There are lines for patience – worry – common sense – optimism – and so on. Sometimes I like to think that the worry and anxiety lines needed price checks and I got hung up there! I had every intention of getting some patience and trust and optimism – but the lines were close before I got there.

I am trying to be hopeful – without getting my hopes up – because the more I get my hopes up – the harder they fall.

I really thought with every fiber of my being that we would have a baby in our arms right now – if not that – we would be pregnant. We do not have a baby in our arms. We are not pregnant. I am impatient. I am confused. I am thinking way too much and it hurts.

In May I will be 29. I never imagined I would have an established business. I imagined I would have lots of babies.

Like I said – I LOVE BEING A PHOTOGRAPHER – oh how I love it – but oh how I would love being a mother.

I am thankful that I get to photograph women with miracles in their bellies.

I am thankful that I get to love all these little newborns and watch them grow.

It is very hard for me to think of the things that I am thankful for – but I have all of you to hold me accountable for that – and I am thankful!

I am VERY thankful for my blog readers and clients.

Thank you so much for opening your lives and your homes to me – it is so awesome to be able to watch your families grow.

Thank you for opening up my blog and reading about my hopes and fears and dreams.

This year is the year of HOPE – 2010.

Last year started off AMAZING – my 1st BRIDAL EXPO was a success (I got 1 booking at the show and 12 overall) – we got our 1st puppy – we found out that we were pregnant with our 1st child – made our 1st flying trip together – got my 1st MAC computer …

Then we lost our 1st child – had our 1st real test of faith – had our 1st absolutely horrible year while we’ve been together. UGH!

I felt like Job – like I was losing everything – my trust – my hope – my sanity – my baby – but I felt that God had told satan to not touch my photography – that was off limits.

2009 with barden photography was AMAZING – more than I could have even imagined – more than I wanted it to be! I had prayed for 24 weddings – and God gave me 24 weddings. I wanted to expand my senior portfolio – and EXPAND it did!

I am so thankful to God for His blessings this past year!

This year I am hoping.

I am hoping for a much better 2010 – I am hoping that I don’t lose my hope.

I asked God for specifics again with weddings and seniors and He has already gone beyond my furthest hopes.

This year at the BRIDAL EXPO we booked 8 weddings – with 5 more in the works! I have 24 weddings for this year and KT has 9!

We met with a bride and groom Tuesday night about their 2011 wedding in SAN ANTONIO! Our 1st destination wedding!

I am hoping and praying for another year of 1st’s – the 1st year of more than 24 weddings – the 1st year of more than 30 seniors – the 1st year of diving into newborn photography – the 1st time we get to see our baby on an ultrasound – feel our child move inside me – hold our newborn baby in our arms.

I am so thankful to God for His blessings in this coming year!

I HOPE that your year will be AMAZING – and that above all else you will know the love of Jesus and the healing that only He can give!

I cannot believe that 10 years ago were were ushering in 2000. My mom was freaking out and wanting us to stay home for NYE – what with the whole world coming to an end once 2000 hit!

Ten years ago I had come home from Philadelphia University to start a lonely semester at Mansfield University.

Five years ago Jared and I were newlyweds and ushered in 2005 together – again – I have no idea where we were or what we did that night.

Tonight we will go to Amy & Jim’s for a bit and then to help out with the overnighter at the church for a few hours and end the night – ringing in the New Year at Matt & Johna’s. And I am sure that in 10 years – I will have forgotten those details too!

Tomorrow marks a new year – a new start!

I wrote earlier this year about our blessings – there are times that I cannot see any from the past year – but I know better.

THANK YOU – you know who are – for believing in me this past year. For praying for us this past year. For listening to my fears – my doubts – my musings.

barden photography has bloomed into something that I never thought possible. I asked God to bless my photography. I asked for 24 weddings. I had 24 weddings. I didn’t even think to ask God for family sessions – seniors – babies – kiddos – engagements. He blessed me beyond my wildest dreams.

THANK YOU to those out there that trusted me with their memories – it means more than I could ever express to you!

THANK YOU to those in my family that supported me – cheered for me – prayed for me – encouraged me – booked a session with me!

THANK YOU to those friends that pushed me – encouraged me – trusted me – believed in me – booked a session with me!

THANK YOU – THANK YOU – THANK YOU

I cannot imagine 2010 being more bountiful than 2009 for barden photography – but I am trusting that it will be. Knowing that God answered my prayers above and beyond what I asked. Knowing that He will do it again – above and beyond.

I am praying that God answers our prayer for a child – a sweet, healthy, happy child in 2010. I am praying that if that prayer isn’t answered that I will see the blessings in it – that I will understand that God is in control – that the desire for a child will subside if that is not what God has for us – one of the hardest prayers I have ever had to pray.

I am praying that 2010 brings joy – for us and for you!

This was from my post last Christmas – next Christmas we are looking forward to spending it with Schrute and hopefully another new addition by that time or the anticipation of one!

It breaks my heart. This Christmas I thought – I really really thought we were expecting – finding out yesterday we weren’t. Ugh.

I thought I would post a picture of Schrute from last Christmas – a month before we got him!

LOOK AT THAT FACE – THAT TEENY LITTLE FACE!

This was taken yesterday -

Look at that NOT so teeny face!

Oh Schrute – how we love you and how you have blessed us this year – coming into our lives at the EXACT moment we needed you!

I hope everyone had a warm, love-filled Christmas!

With Thanksgiving coming up I have been trying to think of THANKFULNESS.

I know that I have tons to be thankful for – but this past year has brought nothing but heartache, grief, and despair into our lives – or so it seems.

In January I was a vendor at my first BRIDAL EXPO – I had wonderful friends and family that volunteered their time with me. I met over 100 brides and booked more than a dozen weddings because of the EXPO. We also brought home our sweet puppy Schrute – who has brought more joy into our lives than I can explain.

In February we found out for the first time that we would be parents – the fear, the joy, the excitement, the anxiousness was overwhelming. We prayed for our child every day – praying the God’s will would be done in our child’s life, that our baby would be safe and know Jesus. We traveled to Florida for a dear friend’s wedding and made some new friends. My husband invested in a computer and PHOTOSHOP for me and my business – transforming my work.

In March our child was ushered into heaven – having never felt any pain, any grief, any sadness – knowing only happiness and joy and love – the love of a Father – the love of God.

In April – barden photography went full-time. At the beginning of the month, I was invited to CAREER DAY at Mansfield High School – where I met the 10th graders from the 3 local schools – handing out my business cards and getting to know my target audience.

In May – wedding season started. barden photography had 4 weddings in May!

In June – weddings continued strong with family photos thrown into the mix! My June 13th bride became a friend instead of just a client.

In July – KT & Chase were married! Jared & I had a great time at their wedding weekend extravaganza!

In August – the weddings continued and we made our annual trip to the PA REN FAIRE!

In September my sister got married and I had a wedding every weekend! The senior pictures started pouring in. KT & I started brainstorming a partnership with planning and coordinating weddings and events.

In October I had 5 weddings and a session or two or three nearly every day of the month. I met a woman who was a God appointment. KT & I started expanding. I made the decision to have a long-term goal for my business.

Thus far in November – I’ve had a session nearly every day again – with more bookings coming up! Our sweet puppy will be a year old tomorrow!

In December we are going on a cruise with J’s parents.

We are warm. We are healthy. We are in love. We are loved. We have a house. We have food. We have a relationship with Jesus – a relationship that has been tested this year – and as a result has brought us closer to Him. We know that our child is in heaven – safe – surrounded by love.

We are praying that we will be happy with whatever life brings us – with whatever God blesses us with.

We are praying for more love – more babies – and more business!