I cannot believe that little *L* is 9 months old already!

ISN’T HE A TOTAL CUTIE! Oh my word!

Lauren – I am SO thankful that we met and you asked me to photograph your little guy!

Fitzy is AMAZING! He is so smart and joyful! He isn’t walking by himself yet – and I tend to compare to everyone else and wonder why he is so far behind – but crawling gets him there faster!

He knows where is nose and his ears and belly button are – and LOVES looking for YOUR belly button too!

He says ball and dada and mama and book and baba and a few more! He loves to shake his head no and wave his arms when he means yes! He LOVES to be in the water and looks forward to his morning bath in the sink!

He LOVES to look through all his books before we get out of bed in the morning!

He has two more teeth coming in on top!

I LOVE THAT FACE!

LOOK AT THOSE TEETH! My mom has a picture of me like this – we look SO much alike!

The past month has been so busy – crazy with weddings and photography and conferences and plans and just life in general!

I’ve been having migraines (which I was pretty much over) about every week or so the last month and I told Jared – after the 4th one in 3 weeks – that I must be pregnant.

When I was pregnant the first time in 2009 – I didn’t have any symptoms. When I was pregnant with Fitzy – I had migraines and morning sickness and was SO tired. When I was pregnant this January – I didn’t have any symptoms – which is how I knew that we would be miscarrying.

Well – I took a test and had an appointment this morning – and the results are in!

We are pregnant!

I’m excited and scared. Mostly scared. This is our 4th pregnancy with 2 out of 3 ending in miscarriage. If we have another miscarriage – we are done. It’s too hurtful and emotionally taxing. I’ve been a little crampy and then remembered that I was with Fitzy in the early early weeks.

This baby would be due March 19th. Our first miscarriage was March 17th. So – I’m praying that this baby is intended for our arms and will complete our little family!

We are sharing so early because we covet your prayers! Pray that this little baby is healthy and comfy in my belly. Pray that we could be excited and not spend our days in worry.

And pray that those women and men out there crying out for babies of their own have their miracles!

I know Courtney through Jared – they went to high school together!

When her little guys was born – two years ago – I gave her a gift certificate – and we JUST got it scheduled – oops!

OH MY HEART!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that last one! Makes me tear up thinking that in one SHORT year my little guy will be right there!

Thank you guys so much for coming over and hanging out! We love you!

I met Laura through my FACEBOOK contest earlier this year!

Her little girl wasn’t too sure of me at first – but she warmed up!

I LOVE THOSE SHOTS!

Laura – thank you so much for asking me to photograph your family! I hope to see you again soon!

13 months – well now 14 since I’m so behind! Fitzy has been with us for more than a year – it’s unbelievable!

Here are some pictures throughout the month of May!

He is the happiest baby!

He loves getting into the kitchen cupboards!

He loves his momma – and I love him!

That picture on the left is the last one I took before my stupid 40D bit the dust.

HELLO HANDSOME!

I LOVE THOSE SHOTS! His hair looks so red in the sun!

He loves his dada too!

Fitzgerald – you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen! We love you!

Fitzy’s birthday fell on a Saturday this year – so we had a party!

I am not a huge birthday or party person. I HATE my birthday – since 1997 – it’s been awful – something always happens and it’s not good. Most of the time it’s several somethings happening.

ANYWAY – it was his first birthday and while he won’t remember it – there were lots of people that love him that wanted to remember it! My in-laws hosted for us and we had such a good time!

Before his party I took him outside for a few birthday shots!

Of course he fell asleep RIGHT before his party started!

Samm and I made the GIANT cupcake!

*J* was SO excited about his cupcake!

I think *J* liked hers too!

We let all the other kiddos “help” Fitzy open his gifts! They LOVED it!!

I LOVE THAT FAT LITTLE FINGER!!

*A* had such a good time playing with all the little presents too!

I LOVE THAT BOY!

We put him right in the tub – which he loves!

THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone that celebrated with us! We love you all and love you so much for loving our little guy!

Aunt L – thank YOU for letting me enjoy the day and taking most of these pictures! I love YOU!

⁷ The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Before they diagnosed me with TMJ disorder – I thought I was dying. I thought for sure I had a brain tumor that was pushing my eye out of the socket. A tumor that was pushing on my brain and making it feel like mice were running up and down my nerves. A tumor that was making my arm and face numb – making me delirious from pain. I was sure of it.

I prayed like I never prayed before. I cried. I yelled. I got down on my knees. I screamed. I begged. I cried. I slept. I prayed.

One night I opened by Bible – begging God to give me a verse – to speak to me. Psalm 46 is what I turned to. Verse 5 is what jumped out to me. God is within HER. SHE will not fall. God will help HER at break of day. How many times in the Bible is the word he used instead of she – LOTS! And this verse said SHE. That God would help HER at break of day. Nights were usually the worst for me. After being up all day and carrying around this pressured ball on my shoulders. I came home from working all day and cried and slept. And did it all again the next day. And the next day. I printed this verse out and put it under my keyboard at work – on the wall – in my calendar – EVERYWHERE! Jared helped me memorize it – going over it with me every night.

I said it over and over and over and over again. Cried it. Prayed it. Screamed it. GOD WILL HELP HER AT BREAK OF DAY. That one sentence was my lifeline. I held onto that hope that tomorrow I would wake up. That I would want to wake up – because I can honestly tell you that I wanted to die. I wished I would die. It hurt so bad – all the time. But I would repeat Psalm 46 and hold onto hope.

I started having symptoms in March of 2006 and didn’t get my retainer until August of 2008 – so two years of constant SEVERE pain. Two years of praying this prayer over and over and over again. After I started wearing my retainer – the pain decreased. It’s still there – almost all the time – but NOTHING compared to what it was. On a scale of 1 to 10 my pain used to be a 15. It’s now about a 3 to 4 all the time. GIANT IMPROVEMENT. It’s something I’m used to at this point. When a storm comes through I’m usually pain free. Otherwise – it’s there.

Knowing that my pain was manageable – we decided to try and get pregnant. I’m sure most of you know about that long road and struggle and blessing in the end. Psalm 46 spoke to me then too. GOD IS WITHIN HER – SHE WILL NOT FALL. I felt helpless. I felt alone. I felt forgotten. But I would repeat Psalm 46 – over and over again. And again. And then again. I felt like I was a mountain falling into the sea. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of babies and pregnancies and blessings – that weren’t ours.

Our sweet miracle is now 14 months old – so we are at the point where people are asking (telling really) – YOU NEED TO HAVE ANOTHER – WHEN ARE YOU GONNA HAVE ANOTHER – YOU NEED TO GET STARTED ON THAT. And (sadly) I’m at the point where I say – well – since we’ve had two miscarriages now – I don’t know. I know for some people they can literally just think about getting pregnant and just like that – it happens that month. I don’t know what that’s like. I do know what it’s like to try and try and try for months on end (eighteen for Fitzy) and crash every month you get your period – fall into a heap and scream and pray and cry. That’s what I know. I know what’s it like to lose – not one but two babies and wonder if it will ever happen again. If we were to get pregnant again – would we stay pregnant? If we miscarry again – that’s it. We’re done. I’ve been pregnant 3 times – only once past 10 weeks. Knowing that the next time I get pregnant might be our last scares me. So I repeat Psalm 46 again – for yet another season in my life.

I write this to encourage you. To tell you that you are not alone. To let you know that God LOVES you.

You might need Psalm 46 in your life right now. Know it. Breathe it.

While Derek and Jessica were home I took some updated family photos for them!

*J* is almost a month old in these photos – such a handsome little boy!

I LOVE THOSE SHOTS! Look at her little dimple!

I LOVE THAT PICTURE – everything about it!

That last one is mu favorite!

It was SO good to see you guys – love you lots!

In early May my brother and his wife came home to visit with their two little babes!

She is such a sweet girl!

Our updated family photo!

My sister and her hubs – the professor (really it’s xavier – but I like to call him the professor)!

Little *A* and *J* – sweet ones!

COUSINS!! Fitzy loved baby *J* – he wanted to kiss him all day!

Fitzy loves to lick the fruit book! He is a crazy baby!

Reading – Mr. Brown Can Moo – Can You? – it’s Fitzy’s favorite book!

Fitzy likes to bite. Toes. I love this series of pictures because it pretty much sums up the whole time with *R*. He wasn’t sure about sharing “his” grandparents with her and he always wanted to bite her feet. I love the look on my mom’s face and her wagging her finger at him.

We can’t wait for Fitzy to spend more time with his cousins!

I photographed Ryan & Heather’s wedding – I lose track of time though – I think it was 2 Octobers ago?

They asked me to come down and get some photos of their sweet little girl *V* – she is such a sweetie!

Thank you SO much for asking me to capture *V* for you! We have to get her and Fitzy together soon!