I met Julie and her sweet family two years ago – time is flying too fast!

They are adding another sweet baby and asked me to capture the first year of little Alexander’s life!

HOW SWEET IS SHE!?

I LOVE LOVE LOVE those last shots!

Julie – I cannot WAIT to meet little Alexander!

Dearest Fitzgerald –

You are such a happy baby – from the moment you wake up until you ask to go to sleep! You still don’t sleep well – but I’m kind of – sort of – maybe – holding onto hope that you might? You walk now. You talk. You say dada – mom – book – ball – hot – yuck – bock bock – moo – vroom – and tell us all sorts of stories that we can’t comprehend! You have 6 teeth and curly blonde hair. You LOVE to be in the water and on the farm! You give momma kisses and hug me ever so tight. Lately I’ve just been crying in the middle of the day when I look at you. You are a beautiful miracle and you bless (and challenge) my life every day! I love you!

We visited G and G Trout for a week in July – and you would have stayed with the chickens all day if we let you!

On your 15 month birthday (yes – your momma is kinda crazy) I took you out around the house for some pictures!

You were bock-bocking like a chicken here!

You’ve grown to love your little hats! Which I LOVE!

OH MY HEART!

Fitzy – you are such a joy and we love you SO much! You were born for such a time as THIS! I can’t wait to see the great things that God will do through you!

I have so much running through my mind. So many things I want to say and get out. This may be scattered – but I need to write.

Our doctor called today – on a Saturday – to talk to us about our ultrasound. He asked if I was bleeding yet. Yet. That word stuck out to me. I told him no. He said that the heartbeat looked slower than they would like to see. There was a tear and some bleeding under the sac. He didn’t want to give up hope – but …

It sucks. It hurts. I’m so sad. I’m not really angry anymore – I was the first time – for a LONG time. I was very angry at God. How could He. We’ve been nothing but good followers of Him – and this is what we get? We deserve better – we deserved a baby – we deserved to NOT lose a baby. It took me a long time to get over this. A long time.

When we got pregnant with Fitzy – I had given up hope. I had decided that Jared and I were gonna be fine with just the two of us – maybe I preferred it actually. Besides – we had Schrute and barden photography was booming – those would be my babies. Then out of nowhere – BAM. We get pregnant in the exact month I had told God that I could not get pregnant in. I was gonna go to Texas to shoot a wedding May 1st. Fitzy was born April 28th. Other than a little placenta previa – I had a perfect pregnancy. Morning sickness – sure. But that was pretty much it. And as far as deliveries go – it really was quick and kinda sorta as easy as it can kinda be? Other than the whole sleeping thing – he is a perfect and wonderful and happy and beautiful miracle in our lives. One that I never thought would be here.

Even as I sit here typing – I look at his perfect little face and can’t believe that he kinda belongs to us. That God loaned this miracle of a child to us. He trusted. Us.

So – again. I’m here with tears streaming down my face. Preparing myself to say goodbye to yet another baby that I won’t hold in this lifetime. I know what you’re saying – don’t give up so easily Danielle. I’m not. Really. But I’m a realist. I’m a “life is pain” kinda person. I get it. Life sucks sometimes. It is in no way fair. I prepare for the worst and then I am pretty happy in life when it’s NOT the worst.

Do I believe in miracles? Yes. ABSOLUTELY.

Do I feel that way that I felt with Fitzy this pregnancy. No. I had the migraines – but two or three of those were before I was even pregnant. I haven’t been sick. I’ve been exhausted – but I have a child who only needs the BARE minimum of sleep to get by and a ton of work to do. I’ve been really crampy – and not the crampy I was with Fitzy. I’ve been cautious. It’s the only way I know how to be.

Seeing that ultrasound yesterday eased my worries – but I would be lying if I told you I felt great afterwards. I was still cautious. I felt better – but not the best.

I’m sad. I’m just sad. Sad that we can’t enjoy pregnancy. Sad that we are always wondering and waiting – will it be like last time? Sad that I have friends I need to be happy for (call me selfish – that’s fine). Sad that all day long I think – wait – what was that? Am I bleeding now? Just sad.

I have no idea if any of this made sense. Blerg. I know that some of you out there might be reading this and thinking – hey Danielle – where’s your God now?

Oh – He’s here. And He loves me. And He loves Jared. And He loves Fitzy. And He loves this little baby struggling to hold on. Just because I’ve decided to love God and follow Him – doesn’t mean that life is easy – in my opinion it’s SO MUCH HARDER than choosing not to. I’ve written before that Jared and I have been through what most married people don’t go through in 16 years of marriage in just half that. It hasn’t been easy. But it would be MUCH harder without God.

So – thanks to all of you praying. Thanks to all of you holding us. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

This morning we had an ultrasound.

I thought I was about 8 weeks along – turns out – not so much. The tech figured about 6 weeks and 4 days.

Either way – we got to see a teeny baby!

I saw a little heartbeat on the screen and my heart skipped a beat! That baby is TEENY TINY and it has a heartbeat already! God is SO good!

When it does come time to reveal whether baby is a boy or a girl – the name will be kept a secret this time – considering all the grief we got with Fitzy!

I have been so cautious and preparing myself for the worst – it’s nice to breathe a little easier!

Keep those prayers coming for a healthy baby and healthy pregnancy – I appreciate you all SO MUCH!

In light of our family growing – another change has to be made.

I HAVE to cut back on photography. HAVE TO.

That being said – I will not be taking clients during the months of March – April – May – June of 2013. UNLESS we already have your wedding scheduled OR you are a baby package client that needs photos during one of those months – in which case I hope to connect with you today!

I will ONLY be taking portrait sessions from current clients – any new clients that contact me I will refer to some AMAZING local photographers that I know! With the exceptions of seniors and new babies – but those will be VERY limited! It’s really hard for me to say no – but I’m gonna have to start. I can do 1 wedding a month and no more than 5 sessions a month.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job – but like I’ve said before – I love my family more and with another sweet baby – I need to prioritize my life!

THANK YOU AGAIN for all your support and prayers and love!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this little guy!

Oh – and the rest of the family!

OH MY HEART!

He didn’t like the grass on his toes!

AHHHH! TOO MUCH RIDICULOUS CUTENESS!

Fitzy LOVES *J* – and he’s pretty much his size!

We tire little *A* out!

Missy wanted a certain pose (which little *A* didn’t cooperate with) that I forgot to get at our session – so we had a morning play date a few days later!

STILL SO CUTE!

I LOVE THAT SHOT!

Fitzy LOVES *A* – but looks like he could tackle him! They are special boys for sure!

Missy & Cody – we LOVE you guys and are so happy we have babies to celebrate together! Thanks so much for asking me to capture this moment for you!

Melanie’s little guy is 6 months old already – and just about one of the cutest babies I’ve ever seen!

I JUST LOVE HIS FACE!

Melanie – you look GORGEOUS!

OH MY WORD!

Melanie – he is SO beautiful!

I first photographed *G* when he was in his momma’s belly! The first year of this little guy’s life has FLOWN by!

WHAT A CUTIE!

OH MY WORD! I love love LOVE that shot on the right! He is SO HANDSOME!

He was such a happy boy with his cake – we put him in the pool to clean and cool off!

Arica – thank you SO much for choosing me to capture the first year of your little guy!

Jared and Jaime grew up together and we are blessed to be good friends with their family!

Jaime and Travis were blessed with their third sweet miracle two months after we had Fitzy – it’ll be fun to have them grow up together!

Little *L* was having some moments – but I clicked anyway – they turned out to be too good to miss!

*G* is such a sweet girl!

*L* did NOT want to stay in this crib – but he warmed up quick!

OH MY HEART!!!

Jaime – thank you SO much for asking me to capture this BEAUTIFUL time for you! We love you guys!

*E* was such a little ham for our session!

I can’t believe how much she’s changed in just 3 months!

Sara – if we are ever blessed with a sweet girl – you HAVE to let me borrow this outfit!

OH MY HEART! I love this little outfit too!

I cannot WAIT to see you guys at her YEAR session – it’s gone way too fast!

I met Brandy quite a while ago at Athens Wesleyan small group – I think! She married a guy I’ve gone to school with since I was in 3rd grade – I think! My memory is SO bad anymore!

Either way – I did her nephew’s newborn shots a few months ago and it was time for a BIG family session!

I couldn’t believe that *B* is 5 months old already – I feel like I JUST did his newborn shots!

OH MY WORD! I did *M*’s newborn and year shots – and cannot believe that she will be THREE!

Isn’t she SO SWEET!

Her little sister *M* – so sweet!

GRANDBABIES!!

It was GREAT to see you all! I hope you LOVE your pictures!