I’ve been taking photos of Myrana and Tyler and her family for several years! Their engagement and wedding and their first pregnancy. I saw them last summer for a creek session AND a silhouette session and LOVED the photos we got!

Myrana had announced that they were pregnant with baby #3 last fall! She had told me that their due date was the end of April – right near Fitzy’s birthday. A little girl. A little girl that she had prayed for.

I was thinking about her in April and decided I should check on her FB page to see if their little one – a girl – had arrived yet.

I was heartbroken when I checked her page to find out that their daughter Prestynn Mae was stillborn.

I once had a momma who delivered her 20 week old baby reach out to me asking how I dealt with the pain of our loss.

We lost our babies at 10 weeks. They were alive. They had a heartbeat and then it stopped. I did not hold their body. I did not see their face.

I don’t know the pain of losing a child after holding them. After seeing their face. After waiting 9 months only to deliver them and hand them back to the doctor.

Staying in the maternity ward to recover but without your child in your arms. I don’t know that pain.

Myrana and Tyler have their hope in only one thing. Jesus. They know that she was welcomed into heaven into His arms knowing ONLY love.

HOWEVER – that doesn’t make the day-to-day surviving any easier.

You want family photos to be happy. Smiles. Joy!

But what do you do when a part of your family is missing – forever?

There is still joy in life and you find it – even if it’s for a moment.

You throw rocks with your little boys. You hug them tightly and kiss their faces.

You find strength in each other’s arms. You lean into each other like never before.

You hug your “little” brother.

You look at that little face and you smile.

You look at the world through their eyes.

You try your best to enjoy the miracle of now with the ones that are in your arms.

You celebrate the people that have made it through so much life together – easy times and hard times.

You make sure to include her in your family photos because a photo without her in it seems too empty.

You say her name. Prestynn Mae. When people ask how many kids you have – you say 3.

You talk to your little ones about their little sister.

You somehow navigate your own grief and help them with theirs.

You don’t pretend to be strong. You are strong but strength also looks like crying when it hits you.

You say that you miss her. You say that it’s a hard day – or week – or month – or year.

You find joy in every place that you can. You tickle your kids.

You give them smooshy kisses.

You hold that little and big brother and tickle him to get a real smile.

Myrana & Tyler – like I said – I don’t know the depths of the pain you are going through.

I admire your strength and your voice. You will never let her memory die.

We will never understand SO MANY things this side of heaven.

Thank you so much for allowing me into the spaces of your life that capture the joys and the hurts.