WHY ARE WE SHOCKED & SURPRISED

Filed under: bardenisms,just because,movies,newsworthy,television,the marriage fight — admin at 1:51 pm on Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Jared and I LOVE movies! And TV shows. I love when people ask me if I watch TV or movies and I show them my WHOLE ARM of movies and television. Yes. I watch them. I love them.

We recently saw The Greatest Showman – maybe about FOUR times in the theater! It was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! AWE-INSPIRING! BEAUTIFUL! And – AND – we took Fitzy to see it the second – third – AND fourth time because it was safe for the kiddos. He also LOVES movies – imagine that! We took Enoch the fourth time – and since we’ve been listening to the soundtrack FOR THE LAST THREE WEEKS – he knew all the songs. He didn’t LOVE it as much as Fitzy but the kid only has about a 10 minute attention span.

And Jared and I got talking on the way home from the movie – the first time – about how awesome it was. A message to NOT cheat on your spouse. A message about WHO you are – being comfortable with WHO you are. The struggles of fame and money and wanting ALL THE THINGS. A celebration of humanity.

We always use a site – kids-in-mind.com – not only to determine if the boys can see a movie – but if WE can watch it. They rate movies in terms of content – sex – violence – language.

Jared and I have never really been fans of movies loaded with ALL the things. But – over the years – going through the things we have – we’ve decided to re-evaluate what we watch.

When your husband gets in a little too deep – has a mental breakdown and confesses ALL the deep dark secrets – all the pornography addictions – you take a look at what you’re putting in your life. Having two little boys in the house – to raise and send out one day – you take a look at what you’re putting in your life.

I haven’t watched Deadpool so I can’t tell you exactly what it’s about or the content – but the site that we use spells ALL THE THINGS out.

Does a woman wear a low-cut dress? Does a man caress a woman’s shoulder? Does someone get punched in the nose? Is there blood? Exactly HOW many F-words are in this movie?

Deadpool – for example – is 105 minutes long and has 84 F-words. That’s almost 1 per minute. And I couldn’t read much past the first description in the sex/nudity – it’s intense.

Deadpool got an 8.8.10 – with 10 being the “worst”.

And in this scoring system – it’s – sex – violence – language.

So here’s my question – WHY ARE WE SURPRISED? WHY ARE WE SHOCKED? Why are wondering where all these accusations are coming from? Why? How? HIM? No way. Can’t be. But it must be. WHY? HOW?

Fifty Shades of Grey – another blockbuster – got a 10.5.5 – only about 7 F-words – BUT the sexual content is disturbing. Appalling. Infuriating. It really should be about a 15 if the scale went that high.

How on earth this movie is a MAINSTREAM movie and not porn – I don’t know. And again – I haven’t seen it. But the descriptions were more than enough – and again – I didn’t make it much past the first bullet point.

These are movies that women are going to see with their husbands. Husbands who have serious pornography addictions and the wives don’t know it. Although – I’m sure in some cases – the women DO know it. And excuse it. When we were dating – Jared told me he had an addiction to pornography – sometimes. And while no one in my life TAUGHT me that it was normal for a guy to look at porn – I figured – well – that’s just what guys do right?

Why? Why are we as a society in general comfortable with putting THIS on our movie screens and YET so uncomfortable with the men in this country acting EXACTLY THE SAME WAY. Because it’s just a movie? It’s just acting? It’s not real? It’s scripted? OR because it’s not consensual. And please don’t think that I’m okay with what these men are doing. I’m not. At all. I’m just really not surprised.

I have a theory – a general rule of thumb when it comes to acting. BUT – I wouldn’t take a role unless I could confidently sit next to my dad while the movie played. While he was on the set. You know how you watch a movie as a kid – and then watch it as an adult WITH your parents and you get a little squeamish? Uncomfortable because you didn’t get those jokes as a kid – but now. Ugh. That. I would want my dad AND/OR my Jesus to sit next to me while that movie played in the theater.

Watching people have sex – which is what happens in Deadpool and Fifty Shades – that’s porn right? Pornography by definition - printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings. From what I checked on those two movies – yep. Falls under that criteria.

Therefore – it’s not surprising or shocking that men ALL OVER OUR COUNTRY are being outed. Sex addicts. Manipulators. Liars.

It’s what we love to watch. But wait – maybe we only love to watch it when it’s controlled? Is it the out-of-control-ness about the people being outed that we don’t like? Is it only okay because it appears to be consensual according to the script? And if it’s NOT consensual – it’s part of the script and needed for the story to be told? What makes it okay in Deadpool and Fifty Shades?

Pornography is a SERIOUS addiction – it changes the patterns in your brain. We are feeding our men and our women and our teenagers and our babies LIES. Sex in the movies – it’s never real. And yet we are wondering – crying out for answers – WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE MEN IN THIS COUNTRY? THIS. ALL OF THIS.

So – THE award show is coming up – THE OSCARS. Like I said – we LOVE movies. And we LOVE going to the movies. But year after year after year – the nominations come out – and we haven’t seen them.

Let’s do Best Picture nominations and then one more film that has been raved about that looks good – from the previews

Call Me By Your Name – 8.1.5 - Set in 1983: A man working as a research assistant with a professor in Northern Italy befriends the professor’s teenage son and their relationship blossoms into sexual romance. So – lots of sexual content. No violence. Moderate language. A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A MAN AND A TEENAGER.

Get Out – 3.8.9 – A young African-American man travels to the home of his white girlfriend’s family and becomes increasingly wary of the behavior of all the people around him. Low on sex. High violence. High language.

Lady Bird – 6.3.6 - The film follows a strong-willed high school senior during the 2002-03 school year, as she struggles with her overbearing mother and other people in her life. Moderate sex. Low violence. Moderate language.

Phantom Thread – 3.3.6 - A famous dress designer in 1950′s London creates dresses for the rich, the famous and the nobility. His ordered life is interrupted when he falls in love with a younger woman with whom he develops an unorthodox relationship. Low sex. Low violence. Moderate language.

The Post – 1.3.5 - Inspired by true events surrounding the story of the publication of the Pentagon Papers by The Washington Post in the 1970′s. Low sex. Low violence. Moderate language.

The Shape of Water – 8.7.6 - A woman working as a cleaner in a 1960′s era laboratory discovers a secret containment area where an amphibious humanoid creature is held captive. She’s drawn to the creature while officials have more sinister plans. High sex. Moderate to high violence. Moderate language. A WOMAN HAS A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH AN AMPHIBIOUS CREATURE.

Darkest Hour – 1.3.3 - Set in May of 1940, the film chronicles the immense challenges Winston Churchill faced as he became Britain’s war-time Prime Minister: The German armies seemed unstoppable in Europe and the entire British army was surrounded and close to total annihilation in Dunkirk. Low sex. Low violence. Low language.

Dunkirk – 0.6.5 - During World War II, allied troops were stranded on the beaches of Dunkirk in the French front awaiting evacuation. German bombers began picking them off and the race to save them began. No sex. Moderate violence. Moderate language.

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri – 2.7.10 - Convinced that lawmen have dropped the ball on solving her daughter’s rape and murder, a distraught single mother rents three billboards leading into town with messages that denigrate the sheriff. Low sex. High violence. High language.

And this one – I, Tonya – 6.6.10 - The real-life story of ice-skater and Olympic hopeful Tonya Harding and the incident that brought her infamy and destroyed her dreams. Moderate sex. Moderate violence. High language.

BUT – The Greatest Showman – 3.3.2 - A musical film based on the story of P.T. Barnum and how his imagination and salesmanship inspired the creation of his sensational circus. Low on sex/nudity – it’s a 3 because people kiss. Women wear tight and sometimes revealing costumes (revealing cleavage or shoulders or thighs). There is a song – You know I want you. It’s not a secret I try to hide. I know you want me – which might make you a little uncomfortable with your kids – however – it does open up the conversation as to what that means. They like each other – they want to be together but society doesn’t want them together because of the color of their skin. And that it’s not cool for a man to tell a woman he wants her and she just gives him what he wants – because if a man wants you – then he must have you – or not. It opens up lots of topics to talk about what God intends for our relationships with other people. Low on violence. There are some intense scenes of people fighting – however – it’s not bloody and opens conversation as to WHY people are treating people badly – because they’re different. Low on language – some name calling. Also – in one of the songs – damn is in the lyrics – we substitute MAN! Fitzy didn’t even realize exactly what they were saying – so that helped.

So – I leave you with the question – WHY ARE WE SHOCKED AND SURPRISED?!

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