The lights go out all around me

One last candle to keep out the night

Still the darkness surrounds me

I know I’m alive but I feel like I’ve died

And all that’s left is to accept that it’s over

My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made

I try to keep warm but I just grow colder

I fee like I’m slipping away

After all this has passed I still will remain

After I’ve cried my last there’ll be beauty from pain

Though it won’t be today – someday I’ll hope again

And there’ll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me

The best I can do is just get through the day

When life before was only a memory

I wonder why God lets me walk through this place

And though I can’t understand why this happened

I know that I will when I look back someday

And see how You’ve brought beauty from ashes

And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed I still will remain

After I’ve cried my last there’ll be beauty from pain

Though it won’t be today – someday I’ll hope again

And there’ll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain

Here I am at the end of me

Trying to hold to what I can’t see

I forgot how I to hope

This night’s been so long

I cling to Your promise

There will be a dawn

After all this has passed I still will remain

After I’ve cried my last there’ll be beauty from pain

Though it won’t be today – someday I’ll hope again

And there’ll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain

Superchick sings this song – I don’t know if they wrote it – but I love it. When I was going through my jaw pain and ordeal – it helped me through it – the lyrics fit into my life perfectly.

Right now – what we are experiencing – I can’t think of a better song to describe how I feel.

I got the call from the doctor today – letting my know that my levels were indeed down by the thousands and that I would be having a miscarriage on it’s own or we will have to schedule surgery. Right now – I am waiting it out and waiting to hear back from the doctor’s office to make an appt. for next week.

I am tired and sore and emotionally drained – writing COMFORT was such therapy for me – I needed to get out how I was feeling and why – there are still thoughts that run through my head – but I know the truth. I know the answers.

I have always told Jared that I am ready for Jesus to come back ANYTIME – I just want to have a child first – selfish – I know. My friend Sara told me last night – you ARE a mother – and it hit me – that I am. I am a mother – and I have a child – he is resting in the arms of our Father and waiting to see us.

I hope that BEAUTY FROM PAIN touches your heart with whatever struggle you are going through and know that God is listening. There are times when I am mad at God – I yell and I cry and I fight – I want to know why – and I keep hearing what my own parents would tell me – we know best – we are doing this because we love you – that didn’t stop me from throwing a little baby fit – but I know that I can express to God my anger and He is trying to get through – saying – but I know best – I love you – you will be okay. The relationship we have with God is REAL – it is full of real emotion.

Again – I appreciate all the prayers and the love and the hugs and the tears – more than you know.