It has been 5 months since our miscarriage – 5 long and exhausting months. All I seem to think about is that I would be that far pregnant instead of saying that I’m that far not.

A few weeks ago I met with Pastor & Wendy to talk about how I have been feeling and how to get out of this despair.

I keep saying that I don’t just want a baby – I wanted THAT baby – I was ready for THAT baby. Our bodies know that something is wrong and THAT is why we miscarry. I just have to accept that and understand it.

Secondly – satan knows the feelings that I have and builds on those – he whispers in my ear the thoughts of never getting pregnant again, of getting pregnant again but having another miscarriage, of how it is not fair that what seems like EVERYONE around me is having a baby (I stopped keeping count at 30), of how I can’t let go of losing our child, of how I can’t be excited for my dear friends getting to have what I am missing out on. And so on. And so forth.

I have the power in Christ to tell satan to BACK OFF – to get out of my head – to stop whispering lies in my ear.

I have the power in Christ to speak His promises over our life – I just have to believe it – I just have to stop doubting.

I’m still struggling – I’m still crying – not as often.