My cousin’s son – *J* – is a sweet little angel.

He will be two at the end of September – already!

I stopped at my Aunt’s house in August to get a few shots of him – so sweet!

I love him to pieces!

I met Ciara & Amber through FACEBOOK! (I LOVE facebook if you can’t tell)

Ciara is the genius behind my haircut and color! We exchanged my haircut for a photo session!

Ciara works in the hair salon that Amber owns – EVOLUTION in East Troy.

They are BFF’s.

Aren’t they GORGEOUS!

I had a GREAT time with you girls! Can’t wait till our next session!!!!

I had an appointment this morning to change my anti-anxiety medication over to something safer throughout pregnancy – but there isn’t any for my situation. My anxiety is brought on by my jaw pain – so my Amitriptyline was more for pain control and anxiety brought on by the pain.

Please pray for me specifically in that area. I have been on that medication for almost 5 years and it has made my life slightly more bearable. The appliance I wear for my jaw helps a GREAT deal – so I am trusting that will remain the case. The fall and spring are hard for me anyway with the change in temperatures.

Our first OB appointment isn’t until October 22nd – which I am not too excited about! I am not letting myself get overly excited until I see our little miracle on an US – but as it is – God has other plans for my faith. I told the nurse our history and my fears about wanting to make sure the baby is okay – and they still kept me at Oct 22nd. – which puts me at 10 weeks and 6 days – which is normal I suppose!

The last few mornings have been tough – and late nights – and I am STARVING all the time. I actually took a 3 hour nap this week – which is not like me at all! I haven’t been editing nearly as much as I should because my office chair and my hips are in an argument at the moment. My head doesn’t like to stay up on it’s own too much without my medication to dull my jaw pain and craziness. Thankfully I set up Jared’s laptop to edit my photos – which is slower than normal – but it’s getting done!

Jared has been awesome – so great with helping me out and letting me rest and understanding that our house is literally a sty. My clients have been so understanding that my normal turn-around time of less than a week is non-existent too! September and October are my busiest months and God is just teaching me that I need to slow down since I am on fast forward all the time!

Thank you again for all your prayers and thoughts! We love all of you and are blessed to call you friends and family!

Laura contacted me about doing a session with her girls – such cuties!!!

Thank you so much Laura! I had a great time!

If you didn’t read my WAITING blog – make sure to check that out before you read this – search under the baby barden tab.

Our pastor had met with us in mid-August and told us that God was revealing to them that we needed to open our minds and hearts to having a child in our home that wasn’t ours biologically – then we would have our own children.

Within a week my heart was changing. I had nothing wrong with adoption or foster care – but they just weren’t options for us. I wanted to be pregnant with OUR baby.

I started to think more about foster care but I would never be able to give the babies back – then my heart started changing again. And I realized that if we could be in part of their lives for the time we would NEED to be there – it was better than the alternative – and I would be able to give them back.

I am a VERY stubborn person – so to listen to myself have this huge change of heart was so strange!

On Wednesday – September 1st – I was in the valley for some sessions and my Aunt asked if I could stop over and see if we could take my cousin’s baby home with us for the night. I stopped and packed him up and brought him back home with me for the night. He was so good. He never cried or whined – he laughed and giggled and never stopped smiling. He went to sleep at 10.30 and woke up at 4 – I got him a bottle and changed him and he went right back to sleep. In the morning I gave him a bath and fed him and ran about 15 errands – all the while taking him in and out of the car – and he was so good. I took him back to my aunt’s and swam in the pool and loved him some more.

When I came home on Thursday I felt a peace like I haven’t felt in the past year and a half. I talked with my Gramma on Friday morning and told her that having *B* overnight made me realize that Jared and I are NOT ready for this. We have been married for 6 years and are very comfortable in our lives together. There are lots of things that we have going on and we just aren’t ready – and I am okay with that.

For less than 24 hours I was FINALLY at peace about not having a baby – and then I get a positive test!

I started crying and called Jared – but couldn’t get him to pick up – which is usual for him. I called Johna and cried and laughed and could hardly get the words out!

I tried very hard to NOT get pregnant in August – I have a TEXAS wedding on 5.1.2011 and a wedding on 5.14.2011 and weddings all summer long – we are going to Scotland in July! I have plans – plans that I had control over – or so I thought!

I am still in total and utter shock and so thankful to a good and faithful God.

I had an appointment this afternoon to make sure that I was indeed pregnant and figure out due dates and what not. As of right now – yes we are pregnant. Our due date is mid-May until confirmed with an ultrasound!

Once we figure everything out – I will not be taking any appointments leading up to and after the baby is born – so the whole month of May, June and July – I will be keeping the weddings and appointments I already have though – unless you are a May wedding – then I have already talked with you and we are waiting to figure out what to do!

Once August and September roll around I will only be taking 2 to 3 appointments a week and they will be local to Mansfield (other than that one day that I make trips to the valley for my chiropractor appointments). I have been thinking about this for a while and I will mostly be focusing on seniors, brides, maternity/newborn/infants/kiddos and of course my weddings no more than twice a month. I will only be scheduling sessions after 5.30 once Jared gets home. It’s a very hard decision to make but I have been looking forward to having a little one for so long that I need to enjoy it!

I know that lots of people don’t think we should be announcing so early – last time we did – and when we had our miscarriage – it was hard.

I have shared EVERYTHING with all of you – every struggle – every heartache – every tear and fear. I NEED to share this joy with you all! I NEED all the prayers we can get!

I won’t be sharing much at all over FACEBOOK – it has been so hard to see everyone and their sister on FACEBOOK being pregnant and happy. I have friends that are still struggling with conceiving and I want to be as sensitive as I can be.

It’s still not fair. It’s never fair. It’s not fair that I have this news to share and there are still people struggling out there. It’s not fair that I am so scared about seeing that first US. It’s not fair that the thought of a miscarriage pops into my head.

I am still praying for those of you who are struggling – hurting – and just plain angry. For that particular friend out there – we just had a conversation about all this the other day – I am praying that your heart will change – like mine has started to. I know the stubbornness in accepting what you can’t control – and I struggle with it even now. I want God to speak to me – not thru my MIL or Dave or our pastor – but directly to me. It’s not how it works. I know that there is a baby out there for you and your family. I KNOW it!!

The only thing that has gotten me through this past year and a half – is Jesus – my relationship with God – and if you don’t have one – you should introduce yourself!

I will be blogging updates as often as I have them – thank you SO much for praying for us.

On September 1st – I was in the valley for some sessions when I met with my Aunt to see my cousin’s baby – *B*. He is the cutest, sweetest, happiest baby I have ever met!

My cousin was out of town for the night and so I brought *B* back to Mansfield with Jared and I for the night!

He never cried, never whined – just played and giggled. He slept till 4 and after I changed him and fed him – he fell right back asleep – a little angel!

How ridiculously ADORABLE is that face?

We had a GREAT time with him!

I had a few minutes before a senior session in July to take some photos at the park in Sayre.

Kaitlyn will be a freshman in college this year and for her graduation present I gave her a photo session of her choice!

She wanted some pictures with her kitty, Topanga – her boyfriend, Zac – and her horse, Honey.

I LOVE those shots!

And these mushrooms were just begging to be photographed!

Thanks so much Kaitlyn – it was a great sesson!

Have a FANTASTIC time at college!

I hate waiting. I really don’t know of anyone who enjoys waiting – except maybe my mother-in-law but she is a crazy exception!

I like to read the end of books before I start them. I would much rather go into a movie knowing the end first. It’s just the type of person I am – and have always been.

I have waited 6 years for barden photography to be what it is today. Here is a little history of the beginnings of barden photography.

In 2003 – my college friend Jeremiah asked me to photograph his wedding. To this day I still haven’t seen the photos. they bought the rolls, I took the pictures, and gave the rolls back to them. It was my first wedding and the only pictures I took for other people that year.

In 2004 – Dave Fitzgerald asked me to photograph his family for Christmas. I gave them the rolls and have only ever seen a few of those photos! It was the only pictures I took for other people that year.

In 2005 – I photographed 2 weddings – both were on film and both were for friends. James & Laura were married in October and I am so thankful they trusted me enough to allow me to capture their day. I made mistakes. I put people out in direct sunlight without thinking about shadows. Belinda & Nate were married in December at the same church and the same reception hall as James & Laura – so it was a little easier! It was a beautiful Christmas wedding! I also took photos for a family for their Christmas cards!

In 2006 – I photographed 6 weddings – most of them were for friends and were for experience. I had 1 engagement session, 1 senior session, and 1 portrait session.

In 2007 – word spread a little more and I photographed 6 weddings. I had 1 engagement session, 7 seniors, and 15 portrait sessions.

In 2008 – it started to get a little crazy. I photographed 10 weddings, 3 engagement sessions, 7 seniors, 26 portrait sessions, and sold 2 of my nature prints. In November of 2008 I started to realize that this could be my full-time job. This could really happen! I prayed and prayed that I would be able to get 24 weddings for 2009 and I would be able to quit my job as a secretary. I would be able to live my dream job!

In 2009 – I had my first BRIDAL EXPO in January and it was INCREDIBLE! I gave a 10 week notice at my job to leave on March 31st of 2009. During those 10 weeks – our friend Dave Fitzgerald called us and wanted to speak to the whole family – Jared, me, Mom and Dad B – he had a word for us. He told me specifically that God had revealed to him that barden photography was going to grow. It was going to get to a point where I would be overwhelmed with inquiries and work. To just wait – and see. For the first year of barden photography – officially – I had 24 weddings, 1 after the wedding session, 14 engagements, 32 seniors, 73 portrait sessions, 10 promotional jobs, 5 sports sessions, sold 1 nature print, and sold 6 gift certificates for family sessions. It wasn’t overwhelming. I didn’t think anything of the conversation we had with Dave earlier in the year.

8 months into 2010 – I’ve had 20 weddings, 1 after session, 2 bridal sessions, 12 engagements, 12 seniors, 78 portrait sessions, 3 promotional jobs, sold 1 nature print and sold 1 gift certificate. I am overwhelmed with inquiries for sessions. I am looking at how many I have scheduled for the rest of the year – and it’s amazing to me! Impossible!

2003. 1 wedding.

2004. 1 session.

2005. 2 weddings. 1 session.

2006. 6 weddings. 3 sessions.

2007. 6 weddings. 23 sessions.

2008. 10 weddings. 38 sessions.

2009. 24 weddings. 142 sessions.

8 months into 2010. 20 weddings. 110 sessions.

I am so thankful for all that God has given me through barden photography over the years – from the very beginning when a friend had faith in me to capture his wedding to the moments right now and the moments many years down the road.

Now we wait again. We wait for a child. I have known from the moment I can remember that I’ve wanted to be a mother. That I was meant to be a mother. 2009 was a year for change. I quit my job – started a new one – we got a puppy – and found out we were going to be parents. We waited for our first appointment and waited more when the image I knew I was supposed to see wasn’t there. We waited for our baby to miscarry – waited to start trying again. Here we are – a year and a half later – still waiting for a miracle. Praying for a baby – our baby.

On March 28th of this year – Jared’s mom was given a word in church. That our children would rise up like mighty oaks. Our children.

On April 11th of this year – Dave called us again with a word for us. We would have children. Lots of them – running around in our yard – jumping on trampolines – and they would be our biological children – they would all look like Jared.

On August 15th of this year – we met with our Pastor – because I am angry, tired, sad, and weary. He told us that God has children for us – our biological children. But first we must open our hearts to the notion of taking in a child that is not ours – biologically.

So we wait and pray.

Because we are all waiting – for something.

For a new job – a spouse – a baby – a moment alone – a day without worrying about your weight – a friend – and for Jesus to come back.