A week ago tomorrow – I met a miracle for the first time.
I woke up on Monday the 18th of November and just didn’t feel right. I was crampy and cranky and had a weird headache. I texted my parents and Samm and Bridget (our birth photographer) to let them know that something was happening – most likely. Samm said – NO! Tell him to wait – I have so much to do this week before I come. I told her I would do my best.
I took a nap that afternoon with Fitzy – which I never do. When I woke up – I knew something was brewing. My body hates naps – no matter how exhausted I am. We had dinner with our friend Mara Monday night – and I told her to be on call for watching Fitzy in the morning – cus I thought something might happen.
We went to bed. Fitzy called out for me around 1 and I laid back down with him – but couldn’t get comfortable. I was up every hour – tossing and turning. Around 5 – I went to the bathroom – and then again at 5:30 – this time – I knew that my water was breaking. Fitzy was already awake and ready for the day – crazy kid! I called Mara (our dear friend who is house sitting next door) and asked her to come stay with Fitzy. I kissed Fitzy and reminded him that we would be back for him and Grammy (my mom) was on the way. I cried. I hopped in the shower and made sure I had everything I needed – and we headed out the door. Like Fitzy – Enoch decided to come on a windy night – just starting the process two hours later (and making his appearance two hours earlier).
I had texted Bridget telling her that it looked like it would be happening today. I called Samm and my mom – letting them know that waiting another week was NOT an option. My mom called into work and headed over. Samm texted her boss and waited and waited for a response – and then got on the road. We texted Jared’s parents – who are in the Bahamas on vacation – and let them know that he wasn’t waiting for them to come home.
With Fitzy – I didn’t feel contractions until they put me on Pitocin – but this time – I felt them all morning. In all honestly – I was feeling them very irregularly all day on Monday – but knew it wasn’t anything consistent. Once we got to the hospital – they were about 10 minutes apart. The same nurse – Laura – that helped with Fitzy’s delivery – was working! She checked me and my water broke – for sure! I was 3 cm already! Johna came to encourage and support and coach – both of us. We walked the hallway and I sat on the birthing ball for a few minutes. When Laura checked me again – I was 5 cm. The contractions were getting more intense and moving along much faster than with Fitzy. When she checked me again – I was 6 to 7 cm. Bridget was on her way – I was praying she would make it – because I was pretty positive that Samm wouldn’t!
Contractions got really intense and really close together – with almost no break in between. Contractions – while they are painful – are the easy part for me. It’s interesting how some women have the urge to push but need to wait. I would rather have contractions all day than push. But the time was quickly approaching. Bridget walked into the room at about 11:30 – I said a quick hey in between contractions – and went back to work. Knowing that she was there – I was ready anytime.
I couldn’t focus. I was a wreck. I kept telling Johna that I didn’t want to do it. I wasn’t ready. Life was supposed to be different. I knew that I might get emotional – but at that moment – I felt everything from the past four months. Mostly fear. Fear of the unknown. Once this baby came out – life would change. And it’s changed so much and I’ve barely – or felt like I’ve barely – kept up. It’s fitting to me that Enoch’s birth was quick but very painful. The change in our life this summer was quick and so painful. Bringing this new life into the world was going to change OUR lives. I was afraid of how. Jared kept telling me that I was doing great. Johna whispered in my ear – you can do this. You have faith. You have to hold onto that. I know this isn’t how you want things – but you will do it. And it will be great. Or something to that effect.
At the end – the contractions were so intense that I would pull Johna down on top of me and hold on to her. Focus and rational had left me. At one moment I remember trying to get out of my own head – to focus. I prayed for the names on my list of women who want babies. I prayed that I would be thankful for this moment – because so many of them want it. That they would someday experience THIS pain instead of the pain in their hearts right now. And then his head was out. And then he was lying on the table – looking around the room – not making a sound. He was beautiful and peaceful and amazing and more than I ever thought he would be.
I was a hot mess during pushing – a crazy hot mess. I expected Dr. Becker to shake his finger at me and say – now Danielle – was all that really needed? But he didn’t. The nurses were awesome. I’m so thankful that Johna was able to be there. I called Samm to let her know that she wasn’t going to make it. She cried. I cried. We all cried. For so many reasons.
Enoch was born on Tuesday – November 19th of 2013 at 12:03 PM. He weighed 7 lbs 7 ounces and was 20 inches long! Fitzy weighed 7 lbs and 7.7 ounces. I couldn’t believe they were almost the same exact weight! Again – 7 is the number of completion and perfection – how AWESOME is that!! Enoch resembles Fitzy at some angles but definitely has his own look. He has light brown hair – a tiny bit – with a widow’s peak. His hands and feet are gigantic – just like Fitzy.
Bridget stayed until my mom came with Fitzy – capturing the first moment my boys met.
(side note – I don’t care if you book me or Bridget or some other awesome photographer – but if you are pregnant – I URGE you to consider (and do) birth pictures)
Fitzy looked at Enoch and said – Oh! I missed you baby ick! I love you baby ick! Oh!
It was beautiful.
Enoch (I’ve taken to calling him Enny. We tried Nick – but it’s just not fitting for him) is a dream. He is content and sweet. Fitzy holds him with the boppy pillow and is so proud that he does it himself. When Enoch cries – Fitzy comes over and says – it’s okay baby ick – and rubs his little head. The sweetest.
He hasn’t even been here a week and I feel like I’ve known him my whole life. Even now – I tell him about how we knew he would be born. How God named him. How the plan for his life is beautiful and amazing and most likely painful – because pain is what molds us. Teaches us. Heals us.
Bridget took that shot for us. It’s on his birth announcement – because it’s beautiful. I never thought that I would hold one baby in my arms – let alone two. I’m still in shock and so thankful that God chose us to be the ones that help guide Fitzgerald and Enoch through this crazy life.
Of course – I HAD to bring my camera.
His first day home – Fitzy is just so proud and such a big helper! Yesterday – Enoch peed all over the ottoman and his clothes while my sister was changing him – Fitzy fell on the floor laughing. He loves looking at his little toes and his little ears. He’s also amazing at communicating what he needs or wants. He said to me – momma – please give baby ick to daddy – I need you. So I did – and we cuddled. And I cried.
Because my heart is overwhelmed. With so many beautiful things.