On Tuesdays – I have Sierra’s kids – every other Tuesday that is!

Her youngest son was intrigued by the DINO picture we have on the wall – so I told him I could give him one!!

I will never pretend to be a PHOTOSHOP expert – but it will make some kiddos happy!!

Which one is your favorite!?

We showed up a little early for Missy’s session – so I took advantage of having my camera with me!

I LOVE coming to the playground and chasing your kids around – getting them in action – the BEST way to shoot – in my opinion!

We met up with Sierra and her kiddos for ice cream – and I took advantage of having ALL our kids together!!

8 – 3 – 8 – 10 – 6 months – 5 – 7 – 5!!

This mom thing – it’s not easy – and having a tribe – it helps SO MUCH!!!

Missy and I were close and we knew Sierra – but one day about two years ago – Sierra told me she wanted to make an effort to get to know Missy & I better – she needed a few 3 AM friends and she was hoping Missy and I might be those friends. And sometimes it’s hard to bring someone else into a close relationship – and people ask how we manage it.

We try. We make an effort. We are CRAZY busy – we all work – we all have family and other friends we spend time with – we sat down to try and figure out a time we could all have a sleepover for a weekend – and it was OCTOBER 26th before 2 of us said YES – we are FREE!! But the third wasn’t – so we said – let’s come back to this later. But sometimes it’s – hey – wanna do dinner NOW!? What are you doing in an hour!? We help each other. We encourage each other. We love each other and every kid in that picture – I love them. Missy loves them. Sierra loves them.

I love that our kids love each other. That this big group of kids – do they argue!? Yep. But do they love each other!? ABSOLUTELY!!!

I love you guys – SO MUCH!!!

I truly believe that every child should grow up with a farm!!

Ebony thinks that Enoch and Fitzy are her cow friends – or maybe she thinks she is a person like them!

That little kitten found a home a few weeks ago!!

THESE are the memories I put on my walls!

Enoch is VERY bothered by the flies that stay on Ebony – so he thought if he held on to her – they would leave her alone!

That guy …

They’ve stopped counting at 20 – because – farm life means an abundance of farm cats. Because people love dropping off their cats in the country.

That one – she is such a sweetie – and she already found a home!

That’s Red’s sister – Blondie. It’s how we decorate the farm – and my kitchen!!

My parents have a small farm – and Enoch LOVES the cows! He has loved them since he was a baby – even though their MOO scared him so much he shook!!

Right now they have a baby girl that needs bottle fed! E was SUPER excited to help make the formula AND feed her!

ALSO – if you want a little kitten – they’ve got LOTS to pick from!!

Her name is Ebony! Her mom kicked her in the head and wanted nothing to do with her – so my parents adopted her!

I rarely take REAL pictures of my kiddos anymore – it’s something that I struggle with – living in the moment or living behind the camera capturing the moment.

I’m so happy I pulled my camera out for THESE moments!!

15 years ago we said yes. i do. always.

he loves me so well and the depth of my love for him is so different than that moment.

our lives are so different yet the same in some ways.

we’ve changed and grown. together.

it’s been happy and sad. fun and scary. slow and fast.

i wouldn’t want anyone else by my side through everything life has thrown at us.

we’ve gone through 5 vehicles. we’ve been in times of want and times of plenty. unbearable physical pain. losing jobs. moving in with parents. self-employment. one puppy. 3 miscarriages. infertility. 2 miracle babies here on earth. depression and mania. my love languages aren’t his strong points. his love languages aren’t mine. getting too close to someone else. skunks. raccoons. sleepless nights. babies in our bed. addictions. doubts. moving into this house and all that comes with it. moments of heartache and moments of heartburst.

we were supposed to be sitting somewhere with our feet in the ocean and only each other. but. this house happened. so instead we sit on the deck with our children and the people who have stepped into our lives. the people who have been in our lives. the people who have listened as we cried and said STAY instead of LEAVE. choose love. choose grace.

15 years. we cannot be old enough to be married 15 years.

he loves me at my worst and holds me at my weakest.

i love him.

LOOK AT THOSE BABIES!!!

and now – a few things have changed!!

i miss those people in the pictures from 15 years ago so much!!

it’s amazing how life doesn’t look anything like i thought it would yet i wouldn’t change it because it’s made us who we are.

and i’m so thankful for the people in today’s pictures!

We’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting for babies!!

AND WE HAVE ONE!! Red had a baby!!

My dad wasn’t sure if Red would have a baby since she’s getting older!!

And these barn kittens!! HE LOVES THE ANIMALS!!

We LOVE having a farm to love all the animals!!

Enoch went to preschool last year – for one day a week once March came around – so I could go back to work as a secretary for our contractor!

He went to school this year – three days a week – and he loved it SO VERY MUCH!

His 5 1/2 years have FLOWN by!! I can remember wondering what grade Fitzy would be in when Enoch went to Kindergarten – and it’s HERE NOW!

SINGING THEIR HEARTS OUT!!

This year they came dressed up as what they want to be when they grow up!

Enoch wants to be a basketball player then retire and be a farmer!!

My sister surprised Enoch and brought Jack to graduation!!

Enoch received the PRAISE & WORSHIP award!! He LOVES to sing his little heart out for Jesus!

THAT SWEET SMILE!

I’m sure you’ve read about the journey with this guy. Parenting is an amazing – beautiful – exhausting – frustrating thing!

And we’ve had our hard hard times with this guy. Partly because he’s a strong willed one. Enoch means dedicated and he certainly is. Determined. Stubborn.

School has been so good for him and for me. We can spend our days together actually enjoying each other instead of fighting.

In August – I wasn’t sure we would both make it out alive. He defied everything I said. His eyes burned with anger at me. He woke up telling me how much he didn’t like me.

He screamed and threw himself. He yelled and hit. He told me he hated me and cried. I cried. It was so very hard.

School started and we weren’t together 24/7. I wasn’t telling him no ALL THE TIME. It helped.

But what also helped was just old-fashioned determination and love.

I loved him. I cried as I held him while he kicked. I cried as I told him no over and over again. I cried as I followed through on the threats I made.

If I told him no video games – he had no video games. And when he begged for video games – I still said no. Lots of times – it’s so much easier to just say YES – have it already and stop asking me.

But that teaches kids NOTHING. Well – except that the more you ask – you’ll eventually get what you want – just wear people down. Mom’s word means NOTHING. THAT is what you are teaching them.

I told him I loved him when he told me he hated me. I hugged him when he kicked me. And did I mention I cried. A lot.

I’m fully convinced that he was growing in August – and his little body and especially his little brain didn’t know how to deal with SO MUCH growth in such a short period of time.

It hurt. He was hurting physically and emotionally AND he was hurting the person he loved the most. Because I am his safe place. And he knows that I will always love him – no matter how mean and ugly he is to me.

And my job is to love him and teach him. Not to tolerate the bad behaviors but to figure out WHY they are happening in the first place.

So we pushed through and cried and prayed and cried and endured. Because there’s nothing else I can tell you we did except endured. Fought the hard fight.

And in the end – we made it. And we aren’t just surviving anymore – we are thriving.

The other day I was helping him put his shoes on and he stopped me and said – MOM. I know you and I see you. And I just want to tell you that you’re the best mom I’ve never seen (he means ever but he says naybe instead of maybe and adds an n to the start of ever almost every time and I love it) and I love you. And you’re my best mom because you help me through my frustrations. Thank you mom.

I cried. And I hugged him and said – THANK YOU BUDDY. I thought that maybe God gave you the wrong mom because I couldn’t help you. And he said – oh no mom. You help me so much and God gave me the prefect mom for me. And we hugged on the kitchen floor and cried together. But not because I couldn’t do this anymore. Not because I didn’t understand this little boy in front of me. Not because the frustrations were spilling over. Because we made it to the other side of the ugly.

And I’m not naive. I’m not dancing because the hard things are DONE. OVER. CONQUERED. They’re not. They will still come. There will still be ugly times when he is growing and his brain is trying to figure this whole thing out. I’m praying for the teenage years – because that testosterone flowing through those veins – whew. Jesus help me. Help him.

But right now – we’re in a good place. A GREAT place. We had dinner with some friends the other night – and they haven’t seen Enoch lately – but had been in our lives on a consistent basis in August and they saw that Enoch. They saw the tears. They heard the cries for help – from him and me. They prayed with us and for us.

And she cried with me at dinner. She saw a little boy changed. She had brought basketball cards for them and she asked her son to put them behind his back in each hand. Then the boys had to pick – but which one would go first!? So I told him it was paper – rock – scissors. And Fitzy won and got to pick first. And Enoch last summer would have screamed and thrown himself and hit his brother. It would have been a half an hour to get him calmed down again. But he said – okay. And he patiently waited for his turn. No screaming. No tears. No hitting.

And I’m not saying that I am the perfect parent. I know exactly what to do EVERY time. I am the parenting model to follow. Nope – not saying that at all.

What I am saying is – I did it. I said what I meant and I meant what I said. I told him no and he didn’t get the marshmallow at the end of the night because he cried about it and asked over and over.

In fact – he got marshmallows taken away even longer. And when he asked that next time – he didn’t like the answer but he got it. No means no. And no amount of crying and begging will get you anything except more days without marshmallows.

We just had an amazing weekend. We hung out with our friends Friday playing in the creek for hours. Getting muddy and dirty and making rock paint. Going to a baseball game.

Creek exploring with dad and swimming with our friends Saturday afternoon. Family movie night and tossing the baseball around in the backyard.

Church and a birthday party and meeting the new baby cow. Creek exploring with Nan and hanging out with her while the night cooled off.

While we were creek exploring last night – Enoch told me he loved me about 2 million times. He told me how much he loved that I got excited because he learned how to swim. How much fun he had with his friends creek exploring and at the baseball game. How much he loved playing baseball with our family. And what are some things he can do to be nice to others.

He’s thanked me for helping him when he is hurting. When he is frustrated.

He still gets mad when he doesn’t get his way – but he hasn’t said he hates me in a VERY long time. And I still get mad when I don’t get my way – so …

MOMMAS – if you are going through the hard parenting things right now – KEEP ON. Keep setting and KEEPING boundaries.

And remember that God didn’t give you the wrong kid. He didn’t give your kid the wrong mom.

He’s shaping your child AND you – maybe you a little bit more even.

YOU CAN DO IT. YOU WILL MAKE IT. It’s not easy. You will cry. It will hurt. But the beauty from pain is more than worth it.

So – in case you missed it – my bestest friend had a baby.

And she’s almost five months old!!

I mean – that FACE!! LOOK AT THAT FACE!!

I HAVE LIGHT IN MY KITCHEN NOW!!! REAL LIGHT!!!

The boys love her. And she especially loves Fitzy!

Can you BELIEVE she’s almost 5 months old already!? I cannot!

You may have seen these photos already – from TWO years ago when Matt Neal Contracting, Inc. gave our house an amazing facelift!

We were going to tackle the back last year but then life happened. So – we did it this spring!

BUT – siding the back meant making the windows and doors what we wanted them to be long-term.

Which meant tackling the kitchen and the storage room that stood on the back of the kitchen.

Which meant combining those rooms together. Which meant a new foundation underneath the kitchen – because one didn’t exist.

Which meant looking at the roof – which needed to be redone.

Which meant new walls and flooring in the kitchen & new dining room.

Which meant a new stove since the existing one was hard wired into the floor. You get the idea.

Improve one thing and discover all the things that need to go along with that ONE new thing!

That has been our kitchen for the last 14 years – a kitchen that was claustrophobic. Dark. Depressing. Covered in carpet remnants.

AND NOW LOOK AT THIS PLACE!!

That’s the view from the corner of the storage room – now our dining room!!

And from the back of the house – a packed full storage closet. Cold and serving no purpose but to house stuff we didn’t need.

And the back corner – looking out into the door that led to the porch that we never used.

AND NOW – beautiful windows opening up to our BEAUTIFUL deck!!

We found LOTS of interesting things ripping apart this old house!

And the beauty from ashes – INCREDIBLE!!!

Our vaulted ceiling! ABSOLUTELY DIVINE!!

Matt had the idea of the exposed wood. The floating beam and the one over the door were from the old storage room!

The boards framing the door and the corners were something Matt had in his shop and fit PERFECTLY in this new space!!

And the wood at the peak – the barn boards that were holding up the west end of the house!

Matt made a counter/table from an old door in his workshop – turning my vision into reality!!

Do you see that light above the sink?! I’ve never had one!! It’s miraculous!!

Isn’t it ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!! I still can’t believe that it’s really real and really DONE!!!

AN AMAZING BEFORE & AFTER!!!

We are SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY with the finished product!!

Matt happens to be a friend of ours – and he’s done all the work on our house.

I can’t tell you how happy we are with his crew. Matt knew what I was looking for and several times made decisions that went above & beyond!!

I cannot believe that all the tools are gone. All the equipment off the deck. DONE.

In the span of a month (and a few days) (not including weekends and not EVERY day) Matt and his guys transformed our home into a thing of beauty.

THANK YOU!!

Can you believe that Fitzgerald is EIGHT!?

Here’s the post when Fitzy was BORN!!

Fitzgerald – you bring such light to our lives.

You are passionate and sensitive. You are thoughtful and driven. You are silly and sometimes stoic.

I cannot believe that you are EIGHT!

You love basketball. You love helping. You love your grandparents.

You are smart and kind. You love your brother and your friends. You have such a kind heart – just like your dad!

I cannot WAIT to see what you do in your life – in your school – in your town – in your world.

WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!