I can’t describe it – I’ve always had an awesome view of myself.
HA. Totally turned you off already right?
Hear me out.
When I was little I was goofy and awkward – weren’t we all? But I mean really goofy. I had – and still have – a fabulously awful head of hair. It’s thick and curly and unruly. It was usually styled into a lovely feathered bob or a crazy awesome mullet. Trout was a lovely last name to carry around as a middle school girl. Awesome. I was always a little thicker than most girls – but not fat by any means.
I’m not sure why I didn’t think I was fat – when I was definitely bigger than most of my friends. When most of my very thin friends complained about being fat – when they were not even close. I guess I always knew that this was my body and I was going to be in it for a while – so I needed to love it for what it was.
And my Aunt Lori. From a very young age – she spoke love and encouragement into me. She told me I was beautiful and that I was worth it. She taught me to never let someone else determine my self worth. That Jesus held my heart.
I was the girl with all the guy friends – the tall goofy girl. With all the cute skinny friends. The girl that the guys called to say – hey – what does Sara think about me? Does Jamie think I’m cute? You are SUCH a good friend Danielle. Really? When was it going to be MY turn?
Aunt Lori would say to me – you can have a boyfriend any day of the week Danielle – you are worth it – BUT do you want to lower your standards? And while that advice crept out of my head at times – I usually lived my life by those words. Did I want to give up what I knew I was worth just to have a boyfriend? No way.
And while I was never the girl that got the guy that was way out of my league (in terms of coolness) – I was the girl that held my head high. I was the girl that was taller than all the other girls – and most guys – and managed to be awesome at it. I was a nerd. I may have been lame – but I was awesome at being lame. At least – I was in my own head.
One of my favorite teachers pulled me aside my senior year and told me what one of our classmates had said about me. He said – “you know – Danielle isn’t like the other girls. She doesn’t take crap from people and doesn’t let it get to her when people put her down. She stands up for what she believes in – and while I don’t share those beliefs – I respect her for her that. Cus I don’t know if I could do it.” That meant so much to me. So I WAS making a difference in taking a stand. I was being myself and standing out. Awesome. Now – that guy is one of the guys that gave me the most crap in high school – but I never let him get in my head.
Thankfully – Jesus was hanging out in there. I truly believe that my Aunt Lori was divinely chosen to be my Aunt. She was chosen to speak life into me and encourage me to be myself.
My sister and I used to call each other fatty – for one reason. We were not fat. And we were surrounded by girls that were not fat – thinking they were fat. Calling themselves fat. Obsessing about being skinny. It was totally foreign to me. You are BEAUTIFUL – why do you think you’re not?
I’m reading a book called – God Loves Ugly by Christa Black – it’s given me some insight as to why those girls didn’t think they were beautiful. It’s what prompted this post. I don’t know what it’s like to be an insecure girl. Until last year – I got a bad dose of it (which I am now cured of) and I totally didn’t like being in my own head. I couldn’t imagine living my WHOLE life that way.
I write this to tell you – YOU are beautiful. God made you with a specific purpose and plan in mind.
Having a positive self image does wonders. While I don’t think that I am exceptionally beautiful – I carry myself like I am. While I KNOW that I don’t have a gorgeous head of hair (like my ridiculous sister) – I do the best with what I have. While I am NOT the skinniest I could be at the moment – I dress to enhance what I have. My sister has lost over ONE HUNDRED pounds – and has inspired me. While I don’t need to lose a ton of weight – 25 to 30 pounds would be awesome. Then I would fit in my size 12’s – and that would be awesome. Not because they are 12’s. It has nothing to do with the number. Not because I would love to be 160 lbs. It has nothing to do with the number. I feel GREAT at 160 and I LOVE my size 12’s. What do I need to do – not eat like I’m never eating again. Stop drinking soda. Eat the right portions. Have an apple for a snack. Drink lots of water. Have willpower – when I get low – I call my sister.
I don’t write this to toot my own horn – to be conceited. It’s not my intent at all. I write to encourage you. Encourage you to LOVE YOU. I’m not saying I’m perfect. I have faults. LOTS. And I am always working on them – kind of – at least trying to – asking God to show me what I need to work on. Which again – is A LOT of stuff. I write this to tell you that how YOU feel about yourself makes all the difference in the world.
Be sure of yourself. Know that God delights in His creation. YOU ARE HIS CREATION. He delights in you. He has placed you in the lives of those around you for a reason – to be a light. SHINE THAT LIGHT.
There are LOTS of things I don’t like about myself. My crazy hair. The fact that I wear glasses. My giant feet. How I tower over everyone. My flat butt. My horrid skin. Now – you’re saying – those things aren’t true Danielle. But they are what I see is wrong with me – if I let myself get that far. But the truth is – I don’t. I don’t dwell on the things that I can’t change. I cannot change anything that I just mentioned. Not one. Why dwell on it. Instead of being sad about the things that I don’t like about myself – enhance the things I do – and then the things I don’t – don’t stick out so much.
Are you an Aunt Lori in someones life? Strive to be. My aunt wasn’t blessed with daughters – she has two awesome sons and a fantastic daughter-in-law (and two sweet grandsons) – but she poured into me like I was her own – which I was – in family and in Christ. Did you have an Aunt Lori in your life – thank her (or him) – for investing time and love into you. Pay it forward. Encourage and build up.
It makes all the difference in the world – I know – and people will notice your confidence and presence. Not your giant feet. Unless they are shoe shopping with you.
