We spent Thanksgiving at my parents house this year!

Of course I forgot to get pictures of the turkey!

When I woke up on Friday morning – this was the sight at Top O’ the Hill Farms!

After my engagement session on Friday I took some quick photos while waiting for Daddio to come get me!

What are you thankful for this year?

With Thanksgiving coming up I have been trying to think of THANKFULNESS.

I know that I have tons to be thankful for – but this past year has brought nothing but heartache, grief, and despair into our lives – or so it seems.

In January I was a vendor at my first BRIDAL EXPO – I had wonderful friends and family that volunteered their time with me. I met over 100 brides and booked more than a dozen weddings because of the EXPO. We also brought home our sweet puppy Schrute – who has brought more joy into our lives than I can explain.

In February we found out for the first time that we would be parents – the fear, the joy, the excitement, the anxiousness was overwhelming. We prayed for our child every day – praying the God’s will would be done in our child’s life, that our baby would be safe and know Jesus. We traveled to Florida for a dear friend’s wedding and made some new friends. My husband invested in a computer and PHOTOSHOP for me and my business – transforming my work.

In March our child was ushered into heaven – having never felt any pain, any grief, any sadness – knowing only happiness and joy and love – the love of a Father – the love of God.

In April – barden photography went full-time. At the beginning of the month, I was invited to CAREER DAY at Mansfield High School – where I met the 10th graders from the 3 local schools – handing out my business cards and getting to know my target audience.

In May – wedding season started. barden photography had 4 weddings in May!

In June – weddings continued strong with family photos thrown into the mix! My June 13th bride became a friend instead of just a client.

In July – KT & Chase were married! Jared & I had a great time at their wedding weekend extravaganza!

In August – the weddings continued and we made our annual trip to the PA REN FAIRE!

In September my sister got married and I had a wedding every weekend! The senior pictures started pouring in. KT & I started brainstorming a partnership with planning and coordinating weddings and events.

In October I had 5 weddings and a session or two or three nearly every day of the month. I met a woman who was a God appointment. KT & I started expanding. I made the decision to have a long-term goal for my business.

Thus far in November – I’ve had a session nearly every day again – with more bookings coming up! Our sweet puppy will be a year old tomorrow!

In December we are going on a cruise with J’s parents.

We are warm. We are healthy. We are in love. We are loved. We have a house. We have food. We have a relationship with Jesus – a relationship that has been tested this year – and as a result has brought us closer to Him. We know that our child is in heaven – safe – surrounded by love.

We are praying that we will be happy with whatever life brings us – with whatever God blesses us with.

We are praying for more love – more babies – and more business!

I had been doing well – I wrote my letter to Enoch – knowing that we will see him in heaven.

Ten days went by and I hadn’t cried – I hadn’t really doubted our happiness or our lives – and then it started again.

One of our friends told us they were pregnant again – then another – and the anger returned.

Another couple we know is pregnant and now- five minutes ago – I found out about another.

I am so happy for our friends and pray for their pregnancies – but the anger just takes over.

I am so angry – not at the momma’s and daddy’s – not at God anymore – just ANGRY!

Please pray for me. Pray for us. I am so discouraged each month when I find out that we aren’t pregnant – another month of trying – gone.

I need hope – I am so afraid to hope – to even think that it might ever happen again – that we might have a pregnancy that doesn’t end in a loss.

I am watching all my friends hold my dreams in their hands … and I am losing hope …

I very rarely get photos of myself – mostly because I am the one behind the camera – and I just don’t like it!

This shows the purple better!

SISTERS!

And one more of Samm and *V*!

I LOVE MY FAMILY!

My cousin *V* came along with my sister last week – she turned 13 this past Saturday so we did a little photo session!

That one is my favorite!

I can remember coming to the hospital to hold her when she was born – I was 16 – there is NO WAY she can be this old!

My sister is getting married on 9.12.2009 – and I am so excited!

She came for a visit this week and I got some shots of her with my new birdcage veil.

This last shot is my favorite!

She always was the pretty one …