I’ve had a few people tell me to check out this song – my sister-in-law Jessica recently told me to listen to it – because it must be meant for me.

It describes exactly how I feel. I would love to tell you that I am doing great. That I am happy. I’m not. I’m working on it – slowly.

I approach my 29th birthday with the same feelings as last year – I am not pregnant. I am not a mother (on this earth). I am not even close to seeing it happening.

I’m done.

Done counting days. Done figuring out when is the “prime” time. Done hoping that every month I’ll take a test that comes out positive. I’m just done.

I’m working on being happy. I’m working on being a good wife instead of imagining about being a good mother. I’m working on capturing precious moments for others since God has given me this talent. I’m working on finding my own precious moments. Appreciating the husband who loves me – no matter what. The puppy who rests his head on my heart and depends on me. The family who loves me and supports me. The friends that surround me. The Jesus who laid down His life for me.

I’ve had numerous people tell me they are proud of how strong I’m being. I don’t see it. I think I get weaker and weaker as each day – moment – passes. So thank you.

So – I’m done. Done hoping. I’m not giving up hope – just done hoping.

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when…

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave…
I never leave Your hands

JJ Heller

I know that I am in Your hands Jesus. That You are in control.

I trust God. I have faith that God will complete His will in my life – our life. I have a hard time hoping that plan includes a baby. That is where I am stuck!