On Thursday – March 18th – I saw Dr. Roberts in Wellsboro @ the OB/GYN center. Our miscarriage was on March 17th – so it seemed fitting to make an appt since it’s been a year.

I met with Dr. R and he asked me to tell him my history – which is pretty simple.

Started my period at 12 – normal 5 day cycles – went on BC 6 months before our wedding – got married – went off BC in Dec 08 – pregnant in Jan 09 – went to the doctor for our 1st ultrasound to find out that we had lost our baby – miscarried in March 09 and here we are.

For the last 5 months my cycles have been a few days off and really really heavy – don’t know what that’s about.

We went through the medications that Jared and I are on – he is healthy and I am healthy.

The doctor did an exam to rule out any Chlamydia or Gonorrhea problems – which I know there are none.

On Monday the 22nd I have an appointment with X-ray to run dye through my uterus and fallopian tubes to make sure there are no blockages.

This week we need to drop off a sample for Jared to rule out any problems with him.

On April 6th – 21 days into my cycle – I need to go to the lab to make sure that I am ovulating – which I am pretty sure I am from ovulation tests I took. But it will be nice to have a definite answer.

On April 22nd I have another appt with Dr. R to go over the test results and see what is or isn’t the next step we take.

He said that I have a very simple sexual history – Jared and I have only ever been with each other – and a very simple gynecological history and there is no reason why it shouldn’t be happening – especially since I got pregnant before.

He said 1/3 of the women he sees are pregnant within 3 months from the first appt they have – just because – another 1/3 have a problem that he can help them with – another 1/3 never get pregnant and there aren’t any answers.

He was very nice and very thorough – so now we just wait.

God already knows – whether or not we will have babies – we just have to wait … and wait ….

Thank you so much for the prayers everyone!

It still hurts my heart to see a pregnant woman or a baby. I am trying so hard to get over that. I am trying to be the friend that I cannot be to so many of my friends right now. I am trying to get over the anger I feel toward someone who hurt me being due the same week we were. It’s not fair. I am trying to understand that God knows what is best – He knew what our children would be like on the day I was born. He is holding our child in His arms right now as I type this and I know that there is NO BETTER PLACE FOR HIM – not even here in my arms. But the hurt is still so strong.

I am trying so hard to “stop trying” – but it’s 10 times easier said than done – especially when you want a child – want to be a mother – want to see your husband hold his child – as much as I do.

I have always wanted lots of kids – and now I find myself struggling for one.

But we continue to pray. We continue to trust. I am working on the hope part …