Today is October 11th – your first birthday!

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about you – the difference is that the tears come less and less when I do.

I imagine that you are walking now and getting into all sorts of things in heaven – I wonder if they have child locks?

I think about how different our lives would be if you were here. My day would consist of loving on you and cuddling instead of editing and capturing miracles for everyone else. I wouldn’t have gotten nearly as much sleep as I have. I would be marveling every day at the beauty of life and the miracle of your sweet smile.

Right now your daddy and I are waiting to see your little brother or sister – in 11 days. Something I doubted would happen.

I am so scared. I am so nervous. When we opened our eyes to see you – you were already gone – and it is the only way I know.

I am waiting to see your little sibling and be able to breathe again. We are waiting for your little cousin in February and as much joy as it brings, it brings tears to my eyes to know that you won’t play together – you won’t spend summers at Grammas – you won’t be able to be that bossy oldest cousin – like I was.

But – like I said – the pain of you not being here lessens every day – but that doesn’t mean we don’t love you any less – more actually.

Enoch – I can only imagine your face covered in that first birthday cake – smiling through the sugar. And it makes me cry and so happy to call you mine.

Happy birthday sweet son of mine.