Last year when I started this blog – I wrote about American Idol – I almost forgot to blog about who is going home tonight!
My two picks to go home are –
with my wild card choice of –
Don’t let me down boys …
My TWO favorites this season are –
I am sure that many of you know by now – but I wanted to give an update on our little one.
Monday afternoon was my first MD appt – YAY – I was so excited and nervous and anxious – Jared’s mom went with me so that we could wait for further along for Jared to see ultrasound images and what not. I didn’t know that I would be getting an ultrasound – but I had Brenda come in with me because I knew she would want to see. The anticipation was so intense – waiting to see your child on the screen actually growing inside you –
and waiting and waiting and waiting –
to see nothing – as soon as the screen came up – I knew – I knew that I was supposed to be seeing the form of a little baby – and nothing but blackness.
The doctor kept hmmmm’ing and trying his best – but eventually said – well – this happens – this is the picture that we want to see at 9 weeks – which you are – and even if you were 6 weeks – this is the picture we like to see – and as you can see – we cannot see any of that.
He suspects that the baby stopped growing and developing weeks ago – he sent me for blood tests to measure my levels then we took them again today to compare and figure out what needs to be done.
Last year my sister found out she was pregnant in January and miscarried in March – it was heart breaking and I didn’t know the words – the emotions – the sympathy to give her. I do now. I called her and cried and really understood what she went through exactly a year ago.
Jared’s mom held me and cried and prayed with me at the doctor’s office – I was so thankful that she was there. When I went to get blood taken – Denis – a dear friend from years ago – was the one working – what a blessing – to be able to hug him and cry and have someone I love like a brother right there with me.
I called Jared at work really quick before the day ended and had to tell him what we didn’t see. I wanted to be able to be there with him for that moment – I wanted to come home and give him a picture of his child that I am carrying. I was looking forward to that emotion – that moment – I have been looking forward to it since the day we found out – and to have to call him and tell him that I have nothing to show him once I get home – it was the worst news I have ever had to give someone.
Jared and I held Schrute and cried and cried Monday night – I called my family and a few close friends to let them know what happened – and Jared went to play basketball to get his feelings out on the court – I held Schrute and told him how much I loved him and how great it was to have him here RIGHT NOW.
Amy – my boss and friend – let me take the day yesterday to be home and rest and cry and pray and think – Jared and I slept in with Schrute nestled right up to my tummy – he wouldn’t have it any other way – I worked on pictures – my therapy – while Jared played video games – his therapy.
Mara brought us lunch and we met with Pastor and his wife in the afternoon to talk and pray and cry and ask questions – those questions that you know the answers to but have to ask anyway – WHY – HOW – WHAT DID I DO – IF ONLY – CAN WE DO THIS AGAIN – WHAT NOW – they helped to feel out our emotions and just cry and pray with us.
The next stop on the agenda was to see Johna and sweet Macy – I didn’t know if I could go – should I cancel – I can’t see a baby right now – but then I thought – NO – I HAVE to see that baby right now – and kiss her and hold her and love her – so that is what we did – Mara and I met with Johna to discuss a project we have in the making – we will announce it soon – while I tried my best to pay attention and put in some input while holding Macy – marveling at the little life that God entrusts us to as parents – and knowing that the only place I would rather my child be RIGHT NOW if not in mine or Jared’s arms is in the arms of our Father.
Amy had told me that I could take the day again if I needed it – but I told her – what am I going to do – lay in bed and cry – I need to be somewhere doing something – enjoying life – not dwelling on what I cannot control.
Then comes the guilt because I feel that I am doing okay – should I be feeling okay – shouldn’t I be crying – it is such a strange and confusing mix of emotions.
We have decided to name this child Enoch – Jared names his son Enoch in the Old Testament – and there is not much said about Enoch other than Enoch did not die – Enoch was taken from this earth and walked with God and he was no more – our little Enoch was taken and is walking with God.
Jared and I are utterly heartbroken – we feel lost and broken and damaged and yet we know that we are LOVED. God also lost His son – He knows what we are feeling – God lost His son so that we might have life – that we might have children to love – that we can love and be loved – by God.
I want to thank each and every one of you that have prayed for us – contacted us in any way and sent your love and your thoughts and your prayers – told your stories of – it happened to me and now see what blessings we have – held us and let us cry – THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU – it is because of this GREAT support system that we are able to move on – that we are able to get out of bed and not cry all day.
Thank you family – thank you friends – there is nothing more that I can say than THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU …
Thank you Jared – thank you for loving me – for holding me – for being my husband and going through this with me – there is no one else I want to go through this with – I know that I want to have babies with you – I have known from the moment you told me you loved me – thank you for being my rock – thank you for loving Jesus more than you love me.
It is not only because of this great support system – it is because of the Lord Jesus – He is the ONLY source of ultimate comfort.
If you do not know Him – if you do not have a personal relationship with Him – I URGE you to do so. I have no idea – and it hurts too much to think about – where I would be right this moment without the love and promises of Jesus written on my heart.
God is good – all the time – even now in the face of this loss – this heartbreak – this experience that I honestly never thought I would have to face and go through – a experience that has knocked me out – I am at a loss for words – except for the 1166 words written above – and I know that the love Jesus Christ has for me is the reason I am standing today.
Jared worked out a new gallery for me to manage easily!
I uploaded some new pictures this morning to MAN’S BEST FRIEND – PLANET EARTH – PORTRAITS – WELCOME TO OUR WORLD – WITH THIS RING
Check them out – some of them are with my new PHOTOSHOP actions I downloaded!
I still have some work moving pictures in PORTRAITS and PLANET EARTH but it should be all done soon!
My gallery is MIA for the moment – Jared and I are trying to work out a gallery that I can easily manage!
If you are new to the site – please check out my previous blogs by the tabs on the R – that will help you get an idea of my work – the gallery will be up an running ASAP!
THANKS
Jared and I have been working on a few things on the website –
a new banner across the top
a new home page picture and layout
ALWAYS MONTHLY SPECIALS
new pictures on the pricing page
and an updated about me page
THANKS AGAIN JARED for all the hard work and love you put into my website – it looks AMAZING because of you!
I had some fun exploring PHOTOSHOP this morning with images from the Sechrist wedding …
I still love this ring shot …
The Walker Cake Co. is an up and coming new bakery out of Wellsboro. They had a booth at the EXPO and the cakes were AMAZING – think Ace of Cakes style!
I am all about promoting local business – especially since I need the same support – and they are AWESOME at what they do!
Visit their MYSPACE page to check out more pictures!
Contact Stephanie & Adrian Walker @ 570.724.7151!
Pictures courtesy of The Walker Cake Co.
The general public likes to make us afraid of mother-in-laws – whether we are the man or the woman in the relationship!
By the grace of God – I have great in-laws!
My mother-in-law is an amazingly sweet woman.
Jared is an only child – and I still have an amazing MIL.
We live right next door to his parents – and I still have an amazing MIL.
I am pregnant with her first grandbaby – and I still have an amazing MIL.
Jared’s mom has been ready for a grandbaby 9 months after our wedding – she has waited patiently – not without some sighing comments of … when I have a grandchild.
When we told his parents that we were expecting – they were shocked – a little more shocked than we expected them to be – excited but so shocked. I think they still might be a little bit in shock – I know that she has wanted this for so long – and it seems too good to be true!
She has been so helpful! From the moment we got Schrute she has been involved with helping us out – the first few days she kept him at their house and would go over and check on him when he was at our house. Those first few weeks when he was messing all over – she tried her best to deal with my outbursts and frustrations – helping all the way.
Earlier this week I went home to find that his mess at lunch – that I cannot clean up anymore – was all cleaned up and our dishes were done! OUR DISHES! What kind of woman does that? She does. She wants to bless us in any way that she can – even when it is something as simple as doing your dishes.
We had to live with them for a few months when Jared lost his job – and it worked out great! We have gone on vacation with them for the past two summers and it has been a blast!
We can talk about anything – and I know that I can come to her for advice or help anytime.
Living right next door to them is great. We have dinner with them on Thursday nights, they watch Schrute on Wednesday nights while we are at church, and usually sit near them in church on Sundays.
Having a baby with them right next door will be AWESOME! My family jokes that she will either A) build a tunnel underground connecting our houses so she can be there at a moment’s notice or B) have an insane 6th sense when it comes to the baby – she will be at the door the second before the baby cries – already knowing what is needed. I feel comfortable with her and have no doubt that she will be very involved with our child’s life. We moved in with my Gramma Trout when I was about 9 – now she lives in an addition off my parent’s house – I LOVE HAVING GRANDPARENTS NEARBY!
I want her there with me for that first appt. – Jared is going to wait and take the time off when it gets closer to ultrasounds and what not – and since we are going to Sayre – we can make an afternoon out of it. I want her there in the room when her grandchild is born – it is her grandchild just as much as it is my mom’s.
Brenda is a strong, admirable woman of God – and someone I am very honored to call mom.
I thought I would elaborate on my schedule a little more and let you know where I meet my brides and grooms.
2.14.2009 – I went to high school with Shannon – our friend (also from high school) Sara had been at 2 other weddings I photographed and told Shannon about me – she sought me out at the BRIDAL EXPO.
3.14.2009 – I met this bride through the BRIDAL EXPO and the reminder e-mail I send out to brides reminding them of the month’s specials!
5.2.2009 – The groom and I have been friends since middle school!
5.3.2009 – The groom and I went to college together and I contacted him on FACEBOOK when I saw that he was engaged!
5.30.2009 – Jenna (dear Jenna) told this bride about barden photography and in turn ended up booking the Sechrist wedding (the photo I use as my heading)!
6.6.2009 – The groom is one of my brother’s best friends.
6.12.2009 – The bride attends our church and we have her children in PowerKidz every week. I also took their engagement photos!
6.13.2009 – This bride attends my parent’s church on occasion and is a result of the 5.30.2009 and Sechrist wedding bookings!
7.11.2009 – This bride saw the Sechrist wedding album in her mom’s hair salon. I also took their engagement photos!
7.17.2009 – This bride was a bridesmaid in the Sechrist wedding!
7.18.2009 – The bride is a dear college friend who lived with us for a semester! I will also be taking their engagement photos!
7.25.2009 – This bride and I went to church together while I was in high school.
8.1.2009 – This bride heard of barden photography via the Sechrist wedding.
8.8.2009 – The bride and groom live in Mansfield and I know them through my boss at the clinic.
8.15.2009 – The bride is a sister of a bridesmaid in the Campbell wedding this past November.
8.22.2009 – I met the bride at the BRIDAL EXPO and contacted her again through my monthly barden photography special e-mails.
9.19.2009 – I contacted this bride on FACEBOOK – she was a friend of a friend of a friend.
9.26.2009 – This bride was at a barden photography session with a senior this past fall. I will also be taking their engagement photos!
10.3.2009 – This bride was referred to me through a college friend – whose wedding I was supposed to photograph but had plans to be at the Ren Faire that day!
10.10.2009 – I met this bride at the BRIDAL EXPO.
10.31.2009 – I met this bride in college and through FACEBOOK and the BRIDAL EXPO!
4.2010 – This bride was at the BRIDAL EXPO but did not come to the barden photography booth – she had her e-mail on the registration list and I sent out my monthly specials!
5.2010 – I met this bride at the BRIDAL EXPO and through FACEBOOK we were able to converse and book! I will also be taking their engagement photos!
9.2010 – I met this bride at the BRIDAL EXPO! I will also be taking their engagement photos!
WORD OF MOUTH is such a great referral! I appreciate all the kinds words you spread about barden photography! I am so thankful for the business and the prospects that keep coming! The BRIDAL EXPO proved to be well worth the time and cost – and AGAIN I THANK EVERYONE THAT HELPED ME THOSE THREE DAYS!
Remember that when you refer a bride or groom that books a wedding – YOU get a free 1 hour photo session!
We had such a great time at Zach & Layne’s wedding!
Like I said – I was not the photographer for the Yoder wedding – but I couldn’t resist taking my camera – and Indica was AWESOME in letting me tag around! I told her that if Vive and Barden ever have to work together – it will be a great result!
Jared’s speech – he did a great job!
Loved the fireworks – such a great mood to the photos!
Zach & Layne – I wish you happiness beyond belief. Keep your relationship with Christ as the center of your marriage – you can do great things through Him who strengthens you!
