I had asked my cousin Connie to second shoot with me on Saturday – but ended up asking Lori to come along too – in case I would need her to take over – what with everything that had been happening.

I had prayed and prayed that I would make it through Saturday for  the wedding and then I could be down and out if I needed to be – God granted me that much!

My second digital broke on Tuesday and I wasn’t able to get it fixed in time so we had to resort to film – which was a challenge after being digital. Lori & Connie took the film and I had my 40D – GOD IS GOOD!

Here are some shots from Lori and Connie – but I don’t know whose is whose …

That last one is my fave!

THANKS AGAIN LORI AND CONNIE – I LOVE YOU DEARLY!

I promised I would post a picture of my new office space …

Jared stealing my computer!

Schrute has been awesome  this past week – he had a few accidents in the house but we figured out that the problem is holding it. When I come home on an early lunch – I can catch him before he goes. When we are home – he is awesome. He is still a little skittish with new people and my dad – but I am hoping that obedience training will help.

I took a few shots of him the other day …

We love him dearly!

THANK YOU to our church family for the BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS and prayers you sent our way …

We are blessed with great family members that love us!

Yesterday was Johna’s birthday – HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHNA!

Saturday night her mom had a party for her – and of course I took my camera!

COUNTRY WEEK – I usually look forward to this week on AI – but I am not sure if it lived up to what I was thinking it should this year …

My overall favorite is still …

My vote for leaving this week is …

with a wild card pick – for those of you that think – WHAT IS THAT – if Scott doesn’t go home – I pick another person that I think would have a shot of going home – that way we get two chances to guess!

I am going to go out on a limb and pick who I WOULD LIKE TO SEE OFF THE SHOW –

We will see what happens!

Saturday was a gorgeous day for a wedding!

Carrie – the bride – contacted BARDEN PHOTOGRAPHY through our monthly e-mails after being registered at the ARNOT MALL BRIDAL EXPO.

Check out WITH THIS RING in the gallery for the complete collection of photos from the *M* wedding!

Normally I try and get the ring with the flowers – but the rings were already tied on the pillow when I arrived – and it made for a great shot!

Carrie was a GORGEOUS bride – and I love this picture with this AWESOME action I downloaded.

Carrie & Eric – thanks again for choosing BARDEN PHOTOGRAPHY to capture  your special day!

Thank you Connie & Lori for being there on hand to second shoot and just for overall support – I LOVE YOU BOTH!

Tuesday morning I got a phone call from the florist asking if we would be home to accept a delivery …

They were from upper management at Phoenix – the business I work for. It was such a nice gesture – and quite the surprise!

Yesterday after the doctor called – Jared took the afternoon off to spend some time with Schrute and think and pray and let the news settle in. He called to let me know that we had gotten another flower delivery.

My cousin Jake and his wife Julie send us this arrangement – such a touching surprise. The card says – when you lose someone you love – you gain an angel you know – it meant so much to us!

Thank you again Phoenix and Jake and Julie!

I love spring – I love the smells – the spring jacket weather – the rain – the birds singing in the morning – seeing green grass once more.

My favorite part about spring are the promises it brings. Last year I tried to document each day of the new flowers blooming – the promises of coming back again and again and again.

It is interesting to me that what we are going through is happening right now – at the start of spring – the start of the season where God shows his promises through beautiful buds poking through the ground to bathe in sunshine. Little buds that have been waiting for JUST this moment – for an entire year.

These flowers aren’t welcomed eagerly into the new world – they have to push their way through rocks, roots, and dirt – into a new world covered in light – coming out of the darkness that they have spent so much time in.

I love the ways that God shows is promises in the “little” things – if He is taking care of the flowers in the ground – surely He is taking care of me.

The lights go out all around me

One last candle to keep out the night

Still the darkness surrounds me

I know I’m alive but I feel like I’ve died

And all that’s left is to accept that it’s over

My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made

I try to keep warm but I just grow colder

I fee like I’m slipping away

After all this has passed I still will remain

After I’ve cried my last there’ll be beauty from pain

Though it won’t be today – someday I’ll hope again

And there’ll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me

The best I can do is just get through the day

When life before was only a memory

I wonder why God lets me walk through this place

And though I can’t understand why this happened

I know that I will when I look back someday

And see how You’ve brought beauty from ashes

And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed I still will remain

After I’ve cried my last there’ll be beauty from pain

Though it won’t be today – someday I’ll hope again

And there’ll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain

Here I am at the end of me

Trying to hold to what I can’t see

I forgot how I to hope

This night’s been so long

I cling to Your promise

There will be a dawn

After all this has passed I still will remain

After I’ve cried my last there’ll be beauty from pain

Though it won’t be today – someday I’ll hope again

And there’ll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain

Superchick sings this song – I don’t know if they wrote it – but I love it. When I was going through my jaw pain and ordeal – it helped me through it – the lyrics fit into my life perfectly.

Right now – what we are experiencing – I can’t think of a better song to describe how I feel.

I got the call from the doctor today – letting my know that my levels were indeed down by the thousands and that I would be having a miscarriage on it’s own or we will have to schedule surgery. Right now – I am waiting it out and waiting to hear back from the doctor’s office to make an appt. for next week.

I am tired and sore and emotionally drained – writing COMFORT was such therapy for me – I needed to get out how I was feeling and why – there are still thoughts that run through my head – but I know the truth. I know the answers.

I have always told Jared that I am ready for Jesus to come back ANYTIME – I just want to have a child first – selfish – I know. My friend Sara told me last night – you ARE a mother – and it hit me – that I am. I am a mother – and I have a child – he is resting in the arms of our Father and waiting to see us.

I hope that BEAUTY FROM PAIN touches your heart with whatever struggle you are going through and know that God is listening. There are times when I am mad at God – I yell and I cry and I fight – I want to know why – and I keep hearing what my own parents would tell me – we know best – we are doing this because we love you – that didn’t stop me from throwing a little baby fit – but I know that I can express to God my anger and He is trying to get through – saying – but I know best – I love you – you will be okay. The relationship we have with God is REAL – it is full of real emotion.

Again – I appreciate all the prayers and the love and the hugs and the tears – more than you know.