With Thanksgiving coming up I have been trying to think of THANKFULNESS.

I know that I have tons to be thankful for – but this past year has brought nothing but heartache, grief, and despair into our lives – or so it seems.

In January I was a vendor at my first BRIDAL EXPO – I had wonderful friends and family that volunteered their time with me. I met over 100 brides and booked more than a dozen weddings because of the EXPO. We also brought home our sweet puppy Schrute – who has brought more joy into our lives than I can explain.

In February we found out for the first time that we would be parents – the fear, the joy, the excitement, the anxiousness was overwhelming. We prayed for our child every day – praying the God’s will would be done in our child’s life, that our baby would be safe and know Jesus. We traveled to Florida for a dear friend’s wedding and made some new friends. My husband invested in a computer and PHOTOSHOP for me and my business – transforming my work.

In March our child was ushered into heaven – having never felt any pain, any grief, any sadness – knowing only happiness and joy and love – the love of a Father – the love of God.

In April – barden photography went full-time. At the beginning of the month, I was invited to CAREER DAY at Mansfield High School – where I met the 10th graders from the 3 local schools – handing out my business cards and getting to know my target audience.

In May – wedding season started. barden photography had 4 weddings in May!

In June – weddings continued strong with family photos thrown into the mix! My June 13th bride became a friend instead of just a client.

In July – KT & Chase were married! Jared & I had a great time at their wedding weekend extravaganza!

In August – the weddings continued and we made our annual trip to the PA REN FAIRE!

In September my sister got married and I had a wedding every weekend! The senior pictures started pouring in. KT & I started brainstorming a partnership with planning and coordinating weddings and events.

In October I had 5 weddings and a session or two or three nearly every day of the month. I met a woman who was a God appointment. KT & I started expanding. I made the decision to have a long-term goal for my business.

Thus far in November – I’ve had a session nearly every day again – with more bookings coming up! Our sweet puppy will be a year old tomorrow!

In December we are going on a cruise with J’s parents.

We are warm. We are healthy. We are in love. We are loved. We have a house. We have food. We have a relationship with Jesus – a relationship that has been tested this year – and as a result has brought us closer to Him. We know that our child is in heaven – safe – surrounded by love.

We are praying that we will be happy with whatever life brings us – with whatever God blesses us with.

We are praying for more love – more babies – and more business!

I missed my high school reunion – 10 years! My sister got married on the same evening as the reunion and even though I tried to do everything at the wedding – making the reunion wasn’t going to happen.

I can’t believe that 10 years has FLOWN by!

Ten years ago I was in Philadelphia – having a God appointment and not fully realizing why I was there until now!

When I went away to college – I had never been away from my family. Samm and I were very close and I was not doing well without her – without my mom and dad and brother. Without being in control over what they were or weren’t doing (I wrote about those control issues earlier).

I cried everyday – I called home everyday – I packed up everything and called my parents to come get me. My dad told me that if he came to get me and I quit college that he was putting me at the end of the line – Samm and Derek would get a chance first THEN I could have mine back – but I was paying back the loan they took out – and when/if I needed financial help- I was out of luck. I was FURIOUS with him – how could he do that to me? Didn’t he love me?

My mom called the school counselor – and made an appt for me – which I was NOT HAPPY about! I didn’t need counseling – I didn’t need to talk to anyone – I needed to COME HOME.

I went to the appt and continued to see her until I left that December. We talked about my fears – my control issues – my need to fix – and I learned SO MUCH about myself that semester!

I talked with my dad and we agreed that I would transfer to Mansfield in the spring – and the rest is history.

While I was in Phillie my RA Trudy befriended me. It was bittersweet to leave in December having made such a GREAT friend! We stayed in touch via email (if you know me you know that I am not a good phone person) and IM – THANK GOD FOR TECHNOLOGY! That summer she called me and wanted to know about Jesus – she had read the Left Behind series and needed to know more – and I explained to her what she needed to do – what Jesus wants ALL of us to do – and she became a sister in Christ! I knew that I was in Phillie for a reason – we needed to meet – she was my God appointment. Trudy was in my wedding and we have made it a point to visit at least once a year.

It never occured to me that yet another God appointment had been made while I was in Phillie – waiting for 10 years!

Jared and I know a girl who started college this year.

The same college I went to ten years ago.

The same major I chose ten years ago.

The same dorm hall I lived in ten years ago.

The same week I started ten years ago.

This girl called me a few weeks ago – and it was one of the most exciting, yet eeriest, moments of my life.

I felt like someone was playing a tape recording of myself exactly ten years ago back in my ear. She had the same fears, the same reservations, the same concerns that I had. Ten years ago.

We talked about the decision I had made – the fears I had in making that decision.

I decided to change my major and transfer – come home. She asked if I regretted my decision. I told her that there are times I would like to look into an alternate universe where I had chosen to stay and stick with my major – but I don’t regret it. If I hadn’t made that choice – I wouldn’t have been talking to her on the phone at that very moment. Would I be a photographer? Would I be married to Jared? Would Trudy have accepted Christ? I don’t know. I know that it would be different.

I told her that I didn’t regret that decision. I told her that she was not giving up – just changing direction. I told her that God has a plan and purpose for her life and she needs to seek Him in this decision. That He will provide for her.

We hung up and I sat shocked – still hearing my own voice in my head from ten years ago. Taking me right back to that day and that feeling and that fear. And listening to my own words that God has a plan and a purpose. And that even now – 10 years later – I am fully knowing why I was in Philadelphia – why I had a God appointment.

And how God is never late in keeping those appointments!

This was in my inbox this morning – from Aunt L – THANK YOU GOD!

Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the LORD.

Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart.

Psalm 119:1-2

This was a forward sent by my dear Aunt L –

I know that God loves me from an intellectual standpoint.

I knew that He would think well of me when I did right and would somehow tolerate me when I did wrong. But somehow I couldn’t understand the unconditional love that the Bible says defines my Lord and Savior, the kind that doesn’t have strings attached, the kind that doesn’t depend on good behavior or a perfect report card.

For about a week, I prayed going to and from work. Then one particular day, I came home feeling very harried. I struggled to get the groceries in from the car and remain pleasant to my neighbor Tiffany and her 4-year-old son Jaelon, who were preparing to leave.

And then it happened.

After several trips to the house, I was finally down to my last few bags of groceries. I was heading for the door, when I heard little Jaelon ask in his gentle voice, “Can I give you a hug?”

I was flabbergasted that a child who didn’t even know my name, who had never spent time at my house, who I had passed day after day without saying “hello” wanted to hug ME. Who am I that I deserve a hug?

Despite my initial hesitancy, deep down I was thrilled. I actually couldn’t wait to get hugged! So I put my groceries down, walked over to that sweet little boy, knelt down, and received God’s wonderful blessing.

It was so simple, and yet such a pure act of love. A hug from a little child — no pretense, no hidden motives. Just a kid who saw a worried adult struggling and figured a hug would make it all better.

And he was right. I could barely fight back the tears of joy as I contemplated that brief gesture of acceptance. I quickly realized God had just answered my prayer in the most tangible and personal way.

If you need His touch, as I did, ask the Lord to show Himself to you.

And then, wait expectantly for His outstretched arms to bring you comfort, safety and provision.

I got this forward last week and just now opened it …

After having an especially emotional day – I need a hug – thanks God!

Last night at our church prayer – our friends called to let us know about their son – Silas. He is 2 years old and has been diagnosed with Diabetes Type I. He was life-flighted to Geisinger last night and his parents and grandparents are there with him now.

Please pray for a miracle in his life. Pray for his family – for strength.

The more I seek You – the more I find You.
The more I find You, the more I love You.

I wanna sit at Your feet – drink from the cup in Your hand.
Lay back against You and breath – here Your heart beat.
This love is so deep – it’s more than I can stand.
I melt in Your peace – it’s overwhelming.

I go through periods with certain worship songs – lately this one has been a favorite.

I can’t imagine walking through this life without the mercy of Jesus!

“While You Were Sleeping”

Oh little town of Bethlehem
Looks like another silent night
Above your deep and dreamless sleep
A giant star lights up the sky
And while you’re lying in the dark
There shines an everlasting light
For the King has left His throne
And is sleeping in a manger tonight

Oh Bethlehem, what you have missed while you were sleeping
For God became a man
And stepped into your world today
Oh Bethlehem, you will go down in history
As a city with no room for its King
While you were sleeping
While you were sleeping

Oh little town of Jerusalem
Looks like another silent night
The Father gave His only Son
The Way, the Truth, the Life had come
But there was no room for Him in the world He came to save

Jerusalem, what you have missed while you were sleeping
The Savior of the world is dying on your cross today
Jerusalem, you will go down in history
As a city with no room for its King
While you were sleeping
While you were sleeping

United States of America
Looks like another silent night
As we’re sung to sleep by philosophies
That save the trees and kill the children
And while we’re lying in the dark
There’s a shout heard ‘cross the eastern sky
For the Bridegroom has returned
And has carried His bride away in the night

America, what will we miss while we are sleeping
Will Jesus come again
And leave us slumbering where we lay
America, will we go down in history
As a nation with no room for its King
Will we be sleeping
Will we be sleeping

United States of America
Looks like another silent night

– Casting Crowns

I have told myself that I won’t blog about controversial topics.

But – today at church we watched a video that I have to share with you.

As most of you know – Jared and I work with the PowerKidz on Wednesday nights at church. PM works with the youth group, RAY. Last night her message was on mentors. I heard a few of the kids coming up to compliment her after the message and when we grabbed ice cream at McD’s I asked her about it. She said that she told the kids about the importance of mentors and had expressed her gratitude to her mentors, past and present. I didn’t even hear the message and I’ve been thinking about it.

I have a mentor. I’ll bet you can guess who she is. My dear Aunt L. My mom always used to joke that I must have been Aunt Lori’s kid and not hers. I credit a lot of my self confidence to Aunt L. I was a goofy kid – looks – personality – you name it – I was goofy. Aunt L always helped me to be proud of who I was. One of the most important things I remember her telling me was – Danielle – you can have a boyfriend any day of the week – all you have to do is lower your standards. I used to get bummed out about all my friends dating these cute guys that I wanted to date. L would always tell me that little snippet. She helped me have the self-confidence that is very rare at that age.

L used to be our youth group leader at church – when I was in 8th grade we signed True Love Waits cards. I remember that moment like it was yesterday – L talked about what signing those cards really mean – about the promise you are making to yourself, your future spouse, and to God. I wish I still had that card – but I had that reminder written on my heart. L took time to talk about the tough stuff with us – the things that might make you uncomfortable to talk about.

L is one of the biggest supporters of me and my journey to being a photographer. She has a God given gift with words. She wrote all the blurbs on my webpage – she even “helped” me write my editor-in-chief spot when I was in high school – and by “helped” I mean wrote. She researches for me – encourages me – pushes me – promotes me – supports me.

She started the TMJ Relief Fund – she sent out prayers and prayers for me. She wrote me encouraging notes – she believed with me that God would heal me.

She is a strong woman of God and a woman I can turn to when times are tough. She prays. She is outspoken. She is bold. She is a mother. A new grandmother. A wife. A daughter. A sister. An aunt. A friend. A teacher. She asks for help. She cries out to God.

She is one of the reasons that I am who I am today.

I encourage you to take a minute to think about your mentor – thank them – and remember that your mentor is preparing you for that day when someone turns to you and looks for advice – encouragement – love.

Thank you Aunt L.

HEALING: When my jaw used to hurt, I’d sit at my desk all day and say – God if You heal me – I will shout it from the rooftops and tell everyone I know about Your love and healing mercies. Now, my jaw is healed – call it a dentist with a test product if you want – I call it divine intervention!

Yet – here I sit – still telling God that my attitude will change when …

when He gives me that full time photography job I want.

Have you ever noticed how we give God those “if/then” statements, telling Him that – IF – He changes something – THEN – we will do this or that – then, we will give Him glory and honor? I can’t very well stand from the rooftop of my house telling everyone how God healed me – or can I – but I can tell you about it here.

God has healed me!

And while I may still have twinges of pain occasionally, and some days are better than others – those lows I used to experience are less and less frequent. Thank You God! I remember saying to Jared that I would tell all my friends about how Jesus healed me and how they need Him in their lives. I haven’t. I’m trying.

LIFE WITH JESUS: I cannot imagine living life without Christ directing me. There have been a few times where I thought – how can I do this – how can I wake up tomorrow and still be in this pain and not know what the next day will bring? Thanks to my relationship with Christ – I was able to turn to Him and let Him hold me and calm me.

ON BEING BLESSED: I have been blessed with a husband who has encouraged me to grow in Christ every minute of every day. I have a family that covers me with prayer. I have a God who loves me more than I will ever know. I want you all to know that God used Dr. Robinson as a part of the plan to heal me. (God is still healing me and I have to understand that He has a plan that is much more perfect than any i might devise). How I came to know Dr. Robinson is a God story in itself.

MY GOD STORY: My jaw pain started in March of 2006 – from what I think was stress at work. By May of 2006 – that particular stress left – and with the change in staff, we had to have a coverage person come in. This coverage guy, Chris, has a wife who had TMJ problems years ago with successful surgery. This past June – two years and a few months since the initial problems started – Chris told me that he really thought I needed to call the guy that worked on his wife. I called him and was told that he no longer did TMJ work, but that Dr. Robinson in Lewisburg was rumored to have a new procedure that worked wonders. Jared pointed out to me the other night that if it hadn’t been for Chris coming to work with our staffing change – I still might be struggling with constant pain. I know that God had a specific time frame and plan worked out with my healing. I didn’t like His timing – but we rarely do.

MY CHRISTIAN WALK: I also wanted to share with you a little bit about being a Christian. I think it’s a word that is thrown around a lot and not taken as seriously as it needs to be. I am a Christian. I am a God-fearing woman. I make mistakes. I mess up. I make wrong decisions. I say things that I shouldn’t. I talk about people. I sometimes think that my choices are the right ones for everyone. I am stubborn. I get upset with my husband over petty things. I have a tendency to nag. Sometimes I think – you’re 27 – act like it. I am trying. I am learning. I am discovering and asking for forgiveness when I mess up.

I think so many people say – why would I want to look into that Christian stuff – they are all hypocrites. We aren’t hypocrites – at least not all of us – we are a people blessed with grace and forgiveness. We try to follow Christ and His teachings – we mess up time and time again … and again … and again …

With all my faults – my childish actions at times – my stubborn mind – my big mouth – God still loves me. God still wants to have me with Him for eternity. God still forgives me. Christ can give you freedom like none other.

I leave you today with the knowledge that Christ is only a prayer away. He healed me. I have waited two years to tell you all about the healing power of Christ and the love of God, and perhaps most important of all – the truth that He has a plan for you!