Jared went to my wedding on Saturday with me! He is such a good guy. I was SO sick – on Friday I woke up with a little sore throat and by Saturday morning that little sore throat had turned into a BIG sore throat. I felt like I was swallowing glass ALL DAY. I have never had to bring my own six pack of water and box of tissues and cough drop stash to a wedding. And you know that sudden urge to cough – which is what I did all day – that you CANNOT hold – yea – that happened during the ceremony. Fitzy is equally sick – poor guy – all these weather changes and then trying to make him social and expose his little immune system in turn exposes you to all the other little sickies. He stayed with my parents all day – THANKS MOM & DAD – and got the grandpa and grandma cuddles he so needed!

ANYWAY – as you know – we’ve had some pretty rough months – YEARS – in our married life. Things that we have learned from and grown closer because of – things that have made us so mad at each other and things that have caused us to fall in love more and more.

On the way to and from the wedding we talked about what God has for us. Our ministries. And blogging is a big part of that. We write about almost everything – except our marriage – our struggles – our joys – our fears – our hopes – our expectations – what it’s like to invite God into your marriage. After writing the blogs about the P word from a he said – she said perspective we tossed around the idea of doing more postings like that. I have a list of topics we can touch on – but then we had a better idea – what do YOU want to know!

Cus you know – Jared and I are EXPERT marriage advice givers. Riiiight.

We got SO many responses from the P word blog that we thought – why not give this a shot. YOU pick the topic. Jared will write about it then I will give my version – or vice versa.

We have a few ideas already but really wanted to see what YOU are struggling with – it’s probably some of the same stuff we are. Here’s the thing – marriage isn’t easy. And I’ve had enough conversations to know that Jared isn’t the only guy that does what he does – or doesn’t do. Men and women are SO different but God MADE them to compliment each other – a matching set.

We will be keeping it real. We will be getting ugly sometimes – cus life is ugly sometimes. You might cry. You might stop reading. You might get mad. You might be encouraged to work on your relationship that’s been crumbling. You might be led to ask Jesus into your lives AND your marriage.

So – comment – email – facebook – whatever – but tell us what topics YOU want to read about! And keep an eye out for the NEW website we will be using to host these discussions!

barden photography is THREE this month! I cannot believe that it’s been three years of doing what I absolutely LOVE! Three years of sharing our lives with you and capturing the moments in yours! Thank you SO much for all the prayers – support – love – encouragement – I could NOT have done it without your beautiful faces!

I only have about 10 open spots for weddings in 2013 – when you book your wedding THIS month – you get EITHER a free 20 x 30 canvas OR a free 30 page (12 x 12) wedding album OR 10% off your entire package.

I must have the deposit in my hand by 4.30.2012 and which special you want to take advantage of!

Thank you again for all your love!!

First read this from my hubby – he is pretty much awesome.

I remember the first time he told me he had a “problem” with pornography. I honestly thought – okay – what guy doesn’t? Not a big deal. Right?

Wrong. I don’t really remember it coming up much in our marriage at first – not sure if it just didn’t or I don’t remember that far back.

In recent years there have been times that Jared has confessed to me that he was looking at photos online.

The first emotion I felt was selfish – why isn’t he attracted to me? Why aren’t I enough? That isn’t the issue at all – at least in Jared’s case.

Something had been triggered and he needed to “get high” – as he explained in his blog.

Thankfully – by the grace of Jesus – I haven’t been angry with him. Hurt – yes. Confused – yes. But never angry.

We talked about it – holding him accountable – not putting himself in the position where it was easier to give in. It helped. I would ask him every once in a while if he was having problems or temptations. I always thought that asking might bring up the topic and make it worse if he hadn’t been thinking about it. But it’s what I needed to do.

Last year – Jared was in a very dark place. I was pregnant with Fitzy – we should have been in a very happy place. But he was angry and depressed and not himself AT ALL.

We were enjoying a Saturday morning and out of the blue he said to me – I need to ask you something. A million thoughts ran through my head – and being a pessimist I jump to worst case scenario. I stopped in my tracks and waited. He said – I need you to stop doing boudoir sessions. Immediately I knew why. I started crying and told him I was sorry. I didn’t mean to make him stumble. Just the fact that he knew I was photographing those sessions made his mind race. I told him – absolutely. Yes. Whatever you need.

I LOVE photographing boudoir sessions – strange – I know. But I do. I provided the service for engaged and married women as gifts to their husbands. I felt fine about offering this service and never doubted it. Until then. Now – if you are a photographer and you are offering these services – I’m not saying you shouldn’t. But when the man I love is struggling because of something that I’m doing – I stopped. I’ve had to tell inquiring clients that I no longer offer the service – all the while thinking – oh but I love those sessions! I love when a woman looks at a photo of herself and sees how beautiful she is – especially when she doesn’t feel remotely beautiful.

Jared had explained it this way. Let’s say that you did a boudoir session for me – and gave me a book. Believe me – it would be AWESOME – but it wouldn’t be enough. Eventually I would need other images to fulfill that need and desire and it would get out of control. What if your client’s husband struggles with pornography – and once he gets the book of his wife – it makes him stumble. And something you meant to be beautiful turns out to be a stumbling block in his life and their marriage. God has blessed your business so much and I would hate to see this be a reason why you would struggle in that success.

So I stopped.

This is a paragraph from Jared’s blog –

“Now, to the ladies. It’s important you really try to understand how we crazy men work. Please don’t make things any more difficult for us than they already are. Please pray for the man in your life who faces the temptation of lust literally everywhere he goes – movies, TV, music, magazines, the book store, grocery store checkout, you name it. Talk to him and be open and honest with him. And if/when he admits he has a problem, don’t nail him to the wall. Yes, it hurts to know the person you love has fallen into this trap, but love him. Talk to him. Work with him. Pray with him. Pray for him. Pray for him. Pray for him. He is your man to “go to bat for” before God’s throne. So do it. And support and love him. Did I mention love him? Love covers a multitude of sins. God’s love, flowing through you, will be used to release the chains of bondage in his life. I guarantee it.”

I’m gonna admit something here that I would rather not – but here goes. When I was younger (but the oldest of the group of girls that I did this with) we would get dressed up in our tightest pants and shortest shirts and go to the pool hall. And play pool. And crazy music. And dance. And then when the guys would oogle at us – we would be DISGUSTED. Absolutely appalled at their perverseness for looking at US – we were just there to play pool. Riiiiiiiight. Seriously? And I was the “leader” of this – oh gosh. Girls – FORGIVE ME for dragging you into and supporting THAT.

This is where it’s gonna get touchy – and hoping I don’t offend anyone – but c’mon – we were TOTALLY looking for the attention. Now – what if one of those men had followed us out to the parking lot and tried to hook up. When we were in there flaunting it and showing off – what were they supposed to think we wanted? To play pool? Seriously? Think girls. THINK. I’m not saying that girls that act like that are “asking for it” or that guys shouldn’t control themselves – BUT – what say we help them out as much as we can by NOT dressing like hookers!

I had a conversation with a friend recently – we both decided – if Jesus wasn’t residing in our hearts – we would totally be hooking it up with our outfits and even some actions. Or – God hasn’t given us the bodies we want yet – because we would totally be dressing like hookers! I’m gonna go more with that first one. Now when I was acting like a hooch – Jesus was totally hanging out in my heart – but I wasn’t listening. I’ve grown up (some) and matured (some) and have an awesome husband who helps me understand these things. Jared will occasionally say to me – yeah – you can’t wear that to church. On a date night to dinner and a movie – sure – but church? C’mon. Or playgroup with the kiddos? When I really don’t see anything wrong with it – until he points it out. Oops.

We want to be attractive and attracted to our spouses or potential spouses. For some of us – even just random guys in pool halls. When you grow up with low self-esteem or the ugly duckling – you want someone to think you are beautiful. So many times the women that are hurting or have been hurt misread that attraction and sex for love. It becomes about control and needing someone – anyone – to love you – not about attraction. And certainly not about love.

I absolutely encourage you women to love on your man who is struggling with this issue. LOVE HIM. We all have ugly skeletons in the closet. We all have our own addictions and issues. Pornography is one of the most uncomfortable ones to talk about – in my opinion – but it’s out there damaging WAY too many men and WAY too many relationships. Listen to your husband. Love him.

So the “contest” got off to a pretty slow start – then it totally overshot my expectations!

Here’s the thing – I never wanted to be a photographer for the money – sure – I needed to make money to make it work and quit my secretary job – but it was never because of money.

God has blessed me – us – immensely in this beautiful journey! The moment I stop giving back that blessing is the moment I need to stop doing this “job” –

ANYWAY –

This one was a tough one – I read through them and then through them again – and then again – narrowing it down to 3 winners – not the normal 2!

Before I announce the winners I want to say THANK YOU to everyone that submitted a family for the contest. I loved reading all your entries and have been blessed because of it!

For those of you who did submit a family and that family didn’t win the FREE session – I am offering a special!

If you would like to gift that family a session you can get that session at a discounted rate of $125 (travel may have to be added on) if you send the deposit by 3.31.2012!

So let me know via email – dcbarden@gmail.com!

CONGRATS to the –

*B* family – Phil & Michelle and their kiddos!

*M* family – Rich & Julie and their kiddos!

*W* family – Ben & Beth and their kiddos!

Some awesome people love you!

Thank you again SO MUCH! I cannot wait for BEAUTIFUL 2013!

I’ve made the BEST OF on onewed.com for 2008 – 2009 – 2010 – and 2011!

The 2011 award was changed a little this year – to a golden feather 2012 award – still AWESOME!

Thank you SO much to ALL my brides and grooms! Thanks for the reviews and for trusting me with your day! I LOVE YOU!

I made the decision to take time off this fall with our new baby on the way. Now that little JC is hanging out with the big JC – that decision needs to be re-evaluated. I know that fall is one of my busiest times – I can book a lot of weddings and seniors.

I also know that this little guy is growing up way too fast. If for some reason – and even if not – Fitzy is our only child here on earth – I want to spend every moment I can with him. I want to take him to the pumpkin farm and play in the leaves. I want to watch my boys play baseball in the yard on a Saturday. I want to enjoy time with our friends and family.

That being said – with the exception of a few weddings that I am taking back on since our sad news – I will still be taking the months of July and September through at least January off. I will keep the few appointments that I already have scheduled BUT I will take new maternity and babies clients who want my . babies . babies . babies . package! And most likely a handful or two of seniors.

I am sad about this decision – I love love love LOVE photographing you – but like I said before – I love my family more. And after losing two sweet babies and not knowing how many – if any – God will have in store for our arms here on earth – I want to soak up every bit of Fitzy’s toddlerhood.

I am almost booked for the year already – with this decision. If you want to get in this year – or next – make sure to let me know soon!

Thank you again for your support and love and understanding and awesomeness!

I don’t know how I stumbled on this website – but it’s now in my list of daily blogs!

I don’t really enjoy or know that much about sports – or politics – but this blog lures me in!!

I love love LOVE the BOOB OF THE WEEK entries!

Make sure to check it out!

Well – I took a two week “break” from fbook – I cheated a little by logging onto Jared’s profile a few times.

I learned a few things –

REASONS I HATE FACEBOOK

1. Yes. Jared and I sometimes go to Changos. No. I don’t drink – would it matter if I did? Yes – Jared and I both have tattoos. No. I don’t plan on waving them in peoples faces to show them off. Yes. We “attend” more than one church. No. I don’t think Jesus would tell us we have to attend one and only one. Yes. Sometimes I take Fitzy to my parents. For a week at a time. I might be exhausted. I might have sessions. Or my parents might just miss their grandson and it works out for me to stay a week. No. I’m not leaving my husband. No. We are not fighting. Yes. You can see what I do and where I go. No. I don’t frankly care if you don’t like it.

2. Yes. Please message me privately and tell me that you thought my apology wasn’t genuine. That you think horribly of me. That what I do now is between me and God. When I asked you to forgive me – that’s when I left it between me and God. Tell me that you can’t even stomach the sight of my photographs – they make you physically ill. No. I don’t mind at all that I can’t write back and defend myself or explain because you have blocked me. *At this point there may be one person out there that says – but Danielle – you hypocrite. You blocked me. Why yes I did. But that is because I DO NOT LIKE YOU. Now if the people in this point and the people in number 3 flat out DO NOT LIKE ME – awesome. That’s all I need to know. Don’t tell me my forgiveness isn’t genuine because of something YOU did to YOUR friend? I know that I am not the BEST photographer out there but I think I’m pretty dang good sometimes. So don’t tell me that you cannot stand the photo that used to be my banner – cus that photo KICKS BUTT. Don’t ignore my forgiveness and questions and just assume that I hate your face because of some stupid status that more than likely was a quote from The Office. So – to the one person I have blocked. I am sorry that you think I’m a hypocrite. I block you so that I don’t use words that would make my grandmother blush when we interact. I pray for you. I LOVE you – in Jesus.

3. Yes. I love how you rave about the importance of family. I love how you comment on my child’s photos or updates when Jared or someone else in the family posts them. No. I don’t mind that you’ve blocked me and won’t answer me when I ask what I’ve done – please forgive me – family is important – right? Oh right – I must have posted a status that was directed toward you. Forgot about that one.

4. Why yes. I love that most of my time gets sucked into checking you. I have you on my phone and every time it beeps I pick it up like a drug. I am addicted and I do need help. I will not be putting you as an app on my phone. I would love to turn off my messages but can’t. NUTS! So PLEASE – email me if you have business questions or just want to chat! I will not check you in the evenings once Jared is home.

5. Yes. I love how insecure I am. I love that I wonder what I’ve done wrong when I see a client in another photographer’s photo. When in reality – I’m booked solid. What is wrong with me. I started somewhere and so does everyone else. Why do I feel threatened. I love that feeling – thanks fbook.

REASONS I LOVE FACEBOOK (note – there will be next to little sarcasm in this section)

1. I love love LOVE that I can share my blog with so many people at one. I love that the things I write about affect real people with real issues and real emotions. I love that I’ve met so many DEAR friends because of my blog and/or fbook. I love that I can share the love of Jesus to so many at once.

2. I love love LOVE that I get to see updates of my little niece (and nephew – on the way) while we are here and they are there. I love that with one click I can stay updated.

3. I love love LOVE that I don’t have to actually call or talk to people to see what is going on in their lives. Yes – I am nosy and I prefer to not talk on the phone for hours. Or even five minutes.

4. I love love LOVE that I have gotten MOST of my clients through facebook. I love the networking between friends with my work. I love seeing my picture as your profile. I love meeting a client who has struggled the same way we have and I get to capture their miracle! I love that most of my clients have become good friends!

5. I love love LOVE the love I get. Seriously. I love that you guys love on my little guy and most of you TRULY love and care for us.

6. I love that people write to me and say – I saw your work on facebook – I read your blog – we are also trying for a baby. Please pray for us. PLEASE PRAY FOR US. Awesome.

SEEMS LIKE LOVE WON – ALTHOUGH THE REASONS I HATE YOU ARE MUCH MORE DETAILED.

If I can keep my boundaries that I set for myself and others in check – then I will be around for quite a while. If not – back to facebook freedom.

Today Fitzy is 40 weeks old. FORTY. I cannot believe how much my life has changed in 40 weeks – I also can’t believe that in 12 short weeks our baby boy will be ONE!

LOOK AT THAT FACE! He is such a happy lovey baby!

That’s his newest favorite face!

He is such a little ham!

Oh Fitzy – I just adore your little face! You can hardly tell that you are so sick and stuffy.

Thankfully we got an antibiotic for his ear infection. He lost two pounds over the weekend since he stopped eating baby food but ate his breakfast like the normal piggy baby he is this morning!

He still gets up twice in the night but hasn’t been having his 4 AM parties – so that’s a plus!

In “new” baby news – I started bleeding a little yesterday and my doctor was awesome and got me right in for an ultrasound and blood work.

Yesterday marked 8 weeks according to my schedule. I’ve seen an 8 week ultrasound – I have a friend who is due right around the time we are and she was spotting and asked me to pray. She sent me the photos of her baby at 8 weeks. At 8 weeks on an ultrasound you can see a heart beating.

We didn’t get a photo yesterday. The tech measured my ovaries and then the gestational sac and the yolk sac. She told me that the blood work would have to confirm. I knew then. Even though I kind of knew something was wrong. With our first baby – I didn’t feel sick. I was exhausted but never sick. With Fitzy I was sick every morning. I haven’t been sick this time. I’ve been overly exhausted but not sick.

Our doctor called and told us the results – which I knew were not good. He said that he can’t tell for SURE but with blood work comparisons on Friday he will know for certain – but more than likely we will miscarry this baby. It looks like a blighted ovum – a type of miscarriage in which the baby either never develops or stops growing at a very early stage in pregnancy and then disintegrates – but a gestational sac does develop and the body does not recognize that the baby is missing. Googled that for you.

Now – it COULD be wrong – but I highly doubt it. Not because I don’t believe that God is still God and still performs miracles. But because I just haven’t felt right – haven’t felt pregnant. I haven’t really attached myself to this baby – it’s hard because once you’ve had a miscarriage you have this fear in the back of your mind that it will happen again. I had it with Fitzy but as soon as I was getting sick I felt better – I wanted to throw up EVERY MORNING if it meant that baby was still there.

Blighted ovum or not – I believe that life starts at the MOMENT of conception – so I believe that Enoch and our little baby (which I like to think would have been a girl – Joy (short for Joyce after my two grandmothers) Christina are in heaven. I believe that we will see them again. They have never felt pain or anger or fear or loss. They have only known the hugs of Jesus and His love and awesomeness.

So – it’s a waiting game to find out the comparative blood tests. Last time it took about a week after our ultrasound to miscarry.

More blogs will be coming once we find out the results and what not. I also plan on being back on facebook Sunday (I HAVE to make it to two weeks) BUT things will be completely different. I will not put up with crap. I will not put up with your insecurities that you blame on me. I will not participate in 13 year old gossip and attitudes.

I truly believe that God has used our miscarriage(s) to help those around us. Please keep praying for the now over 30 women and men on my list that want to hold sweet ones in their arms. You ask what you can do to help. Pray. Pray for me that anger and bitterness and jealousy and judgement don’t take over. I love to capture bellies and babies – but I get very angry when I should have had and don’t. I get bitter. I tend to pass judgement on who really deserves a baby or not. It’s not fair – but life’s not fair. PERIOD. So please pray that for me – cus I get angry about even the closest friends and family members that are pregnant or SEEM to not struggle with their pregnancies. And don’t tell me that at least we lost this “baby” while it wasn’t really a “baby” yet. I can promise you a kick in the neck.

To those of you who TRULY care and love us – thank you! I appreciate you more than you know! To those of you that don’t – I’m praying you can forgive me for whatever wrong I’ve done against you – if you are reading this and you think it’s about you – it most likely is.

We are overwhelmed! With love and joy and fear and excitement!

I have always been regular with my cycle – within about two days – and since I am crazy organized and scheduled I always keep track.

I was a few days late and again – was on the way to my parents for the weekend and needed to know what to pack. I drove to dollar general – picked up a test – took it and within 30 seconds there was a positive result – CRAZY!

Jared laughed – only to keep from crying!

I texted my sister a picture – called Ronda (if you are friends with me on facebook – you ALL know Ronda) who was VERY excited! Called my mom – who I woke up and she yelled at me – I’M TIRED DANIELLE! And then in the morning she thought it was a dream until she checked her phone! Called my bff Johna who was equally excited – called my brother – whose first response was – WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME SO LATE! Jared called his mom – who was also in bed and a little drowsy. We always say – we won’t tell many people – then we tell OODLES! I just can’t help it! My sister called me back saying – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – AND HER NAME IS SAMANTHA – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL – IT’S A GIRL!!!

You guys have been with us since losing Enoch and struggling to get pregnant and watching Fitzy be born – I can’t NOT share it with you. If something were to go wrong I would blog about it anyway – so why not get all the prayers we can! And it’s just such a joyful (and SCARY) time! We have to share!

I had to email my September and October brides first before announcing – and everyone that has responded so far has been so kind and understanding! I HATE HATE HATE to cancel on people – and the reality is – I could probably suck it up and do a few of the weddings a week or two out from my due date – BUT – I was early with Fitzy – can you imagine me calling you on the eve of your wedding and telling you I am in labor – good luck finding a photog? So I like to cover my bases and provide my clients with the BEST they can get for their day! And after having Fitzy and doing too much too early (I know – I know – you can say I told you so) I’ve decided to really cut back and focus on my Jesus and my babies and my hubby and my family – I really mean it this time.

I am still planning on taking the month of July off and now the end of August and all of September thru January! Which means that sessions are pretty much booked for the year. If you have an appointment in those months – don’t worry – I will be emailing you soon to figure out the details (most of which will just be keeping the session since so little are scheduled) – and for 2013 I will be limiting my schedule to 1 to 2 weddings a month – depending – and maybe 4 to 5 sessions a month – again depending.

I love love love love LOVE photography and I love love love love LOVE capturing moments for you! But the bottom line is – I love love love love LOVE my family more.

I am so humbled right now. Jesus loves me. I have an amazing husband – a beautiful precious baby boy – a fantastic family – and another sweet little life growing. People have been asking lately if we were gonna have more – I told them that I want more children – but I also want to be happy with just having Fitzy if that is what God plans. I truly did not imagine having more – having the trouble we did with getting pregnant!

Our first appointment – which is just a confirmation is on Friday and then we will go from there! I will keep you all updated! My sister is calling for a girl to be born on September 3rd (her birthday – since a girl will be named Samantha) so we will see if she gets her little fat girl this time around!

That being said – PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for the people that I know – and that you know – that are reading this and hurting. the people who want to be parents so badly that it seems to consume every moment of every day. I’ve been there – and so have some of you – and you know exactly how painful it is. I have more than 25 names on my list right now – please please pray for them.