Typically we have a BIG party with all the people but this year he asked me if a few friends from school could come over for a NERF gun fight!

OH – and mom – can we invite people over from 1 to 4 so that we don’t have to do lunch or dinner? Just cake?

OH SWEET BOY! ALL THE YES!!

Did you know that I wanted to put EAT BEFORE YOU COME on my wedding invitations!? SO – this whole “we don’t have to feed people” was speaking my language!!

And THANK YOU ERICA for the AMAZING cake!!

WHERE DID THE LAST SEVEN YEARS GO?!

Fitzy – you are kind and sensitive. You are sympathetic and caring. You are SO silly and SO helpful.

I tell you this often – but I’ll say it again and again – you are more than my momma heart could have ever dreamt!

They had a GREAT time!

We visited my grandparents last time we were home and Vanessa brought up that sweet baby of hers!

That sweet little thing!

Speaking of sweet little things – when we walked in the house – I assumed my uncle was there chatting with grandpa in the kitchen.

NOPE! Just Zach being all grown-up and deep-voiced! It’s so strange when you aren’t there to watch them grow up.

We spent so much time with Vanessa & Zach when they were little tots – and then college came and marriage and not living in the same town.

In my head – they are the little guys that were in my wedding. When I hear Zach talk or really think about the fact that Vanessa now has a baby of her own – it’s SO WEIRD!

THAT HAIR!!

OH BLACK & WHITE – HOW I LOVE YOU!

She LOVES my dad!

Some of my first photographs were taken RIGHT HERE ON THIS LAWN! When Vanessa & Zach were Kinley’s age! ALL THE FEELINGS!!

Now that little chubby baby girl has her own little chubby baby girl and I have a successful photography business! SO CRAZY!

Vanessa – I love watching you with your daughter! It was so great to see you!

I have to remind myself to take pictures of MY family sometimes!

Pa ALWAYS pulls his pants up WAY TOO HIGH!

He also thinks it’s funny to put his GROSS feet on people!

OH GOOD! ANOTHER NERF GUN!

Do you SEE the look on his face?! It almost makes me want to get him a kitten. ALMOST.

That little hand holding that big hand – his favorite guy!

Red is getting old! We are hoping for some new babies on the farm SOON!

She’s really the BEST cow out there!

E wanted to go on a bear hunt – but PA mentioned that he has a LOT to learn until he can actually go hunting. He talks non-stop and NOT quietly!

Enoch LOVES jellybeans! And he REALLY loves bean-boozled! But he almost always eats the gross ones! YUCK!

We brought the cousins in for the gross “test-your-luck” game!

THAT CHEESY SMILE!!

Those crazy boys! They are growing WAY TOO FAST!

Over the weekend – Dave Fitzgerald was visiting!

And I don’t think I’ve gotten a REAL picture with my REAL camera of Fitzy and his namesake!

I had to make sure to get at least ONE! Of course – Enoch wanted in on the photo too!

People have said to me – I can’t believe you let your husband name your child after his friend.

Why did you name your kids what you did?

When I was in middle school – I knew what I would name my kids – Christopher and Sierra and Bailey  – I know I had another boy name – but I can’t remember it right now – certainly NOT Fitzgerald and Enoch.

When we were pregnant the first time we talked about Clark for a boy since that is Jared’s mom’s maiden name. I LOVE Clark for a girl too!

But then we miscarried that baby and decided to name him Enoch – because –

When Jared had lived 162 years, he became the father of Enoch. After he became the father of Enoch, Jared lived 800 years and had other sons and daughters. 20 Altogether, Jared lived a total of 962 years, and then he died. When Enoch had lived 65 years, he became the father of Methuselah. After he became the father of Methuselah, Enoch walked faithfully with God 300 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Enoch lived a total of 365 years. Enoch walked faithfully with God; then he was no more, because God took him away. – Genesis 5

We named the baby we lost Enoch – because God took him away – he was no more.

And then we waited and tried and cried and gave up hope – and really 18 months isn’t all that long at all – except when you’re waiting and hoping for a baby.

So when we got pregnant with Fitzy – we waited to talk about names and dreams and hopes.

We flew to Florida to visit Dave and his wife Christy for Thanksgiving that year – and I felt Fitzy move for the first time sitting on their couch. We got talking about names and I said – if it’s a boy we were thinking Fitzgerald – and Dave said something like – okay. right.

When we found out he was indeed a boy – I thought for sure we would have a girl – we decided that YES – let’s name him Fitzgerald Derek Douglas – and call him Fitzy.

If we had a girl – we would have named her Fitzie Samantha.

And I can’t IMAGINE him being named anything other than Fitzy!

Six months before we got pregnant with Enoch – Dave told us that God had given him a Word for us. That we would have a baby to complete our family. He would be a boy. We would name him Enoch.

Call me crazy. Call Dave crazy. HOWEVER – I believe that God speaks to people – and right when we were about to give up – we got pregnant – with a boy – and while Enoch was not the name I would have picked – God told us to. And how many times in life do we ask God for direction. A sign. SOMETHING. This was one of those times.

I love their names (now) and what they mean and the stories behind them! I love that God impressed it upon us to name him Fitzy and then used Dave to share His promise for our family in the birth AND naming of Enoch.

So – I ask you again – why did you name your kids what you did?!

I seriously CANNOT believe where the last year went! I feel like I was just getting a text that Vanessa was pregnant and now her little girl is ONE!

And she just toddles around like she owns the place. Like she’s ALWAYS been walking.

I love how she crosses her little ankles!

Those little red curls!!

She’s always on the move!!

Little girl clothes – BE STILL MY HEART!!

She REALLY did not like that tutu!!

She also did NOT like her hands all yucky!

That’s my mom’s sister – my sister looks so much like her!

I couldn’t decide between black & white or color – so you get to see both!

Vanessa – I love watching you as a momma! WE LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET LITTLE *K*!!

The next night – another GREAT meal!!

Potatoes and carrots and onions! OH MY!

YUMMY MEATLOAF! We’ve made this several times since!

CHEF FITZY!

This was the crowd favorite!! Thank you Arica for sharing your coupon with us!

My friend Arica gave me a HELLO FRESH coupon for a FREE box!

We LOVE having ALL the ingredients ready to go!

This guy – he really loves the ready-made boxes!!

Sweet potatoes with maple syrup!

Pork chops and sweet potatoes and garlic green beans!!

I shared a post recently that I wrote in 2013 thanking my dearest Lori for being my cheerleader in life. For helping me remember to NEVER lower my standards in life.

For a boy – for a job – for friendship – for ANYTHING. For helping me establish good self-esteem at a young age. For helping me hold onto that attitude throughout life.

For showing me what a life dependent on Jesus looks like. For showing me how to love like Jesus.

And it got me thinking about someone else that I need to say thank you to.

In November – Jared and I went to a marriage conference – one like we’ve never been to. We were strongly encouraged to spend LOTS of time focusing on each other – and not only encouraged – but the conference was arranged so that you DO get to have lots of time focusing on each other.

Over the course of that weekend – I was able to share something with Jared that I’ve never really been able to put into words before. Or even thought about putting into words before.

I have a good sense of who I am. I am unapologetically me. BUT – Jared Barden helped me be that person even more so!

Before Jared and I started dating – I was trying HARD to win the affection of someone else. I wasn’t totally myself – in hopes that I would win the attention I was hoping for.

But Jared – he saw me in the moments when I wasn’t trying. The moments when I was simply myself and not scheming to win someone over. And he loved that person.

He loves me at my best. He loves me at my worst. He loves me when I laugh too loud at the movies. He loves me when I’m whining about living in this house. He loves me when I haven’t shaved my legs all winter. He loves me when I shave my head – actually PREFERS when I shave my head.

Because I am so secure in his love – it allows me to be even more unapologetically myself.

When Jared and I started talking – like I said – I had NO intention of dating him. The thought wasn’t even on my radar. But when I talked to my mom about it – in her quiet wisdom – she said – you’ve spent so long trying to win someone else over – if you tell this guy no – you might be missing out on the rest of your life.

Our first date – we went to my brother’s soccer game. He sat with my dad. On the way over – we had talked about what we wanted out of life. I told him that my family was REALLY important to me. If he didn’t mesh with them – deal-breaker. If he didn’t want kids – deal-breaker – cus I was born to be a momma. And if he saw anything that was a red-flag on his end – let me know. We started dating with a goal in mind. Marriage. I didn’t want to date for years and years without any idea of marriage on the table.

But – my dearest Aunt Lori and my sweet husband aren’t the only reasons for my strong sense of self and security.

JESUS is. Really He is the ONLY reason.

Psalm 139: 13-16

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

God MADE me – he saw the beauty of His creation and thought that the world ALSO needed ME. And YOU. EXACTLY THE WAY I AM.

This doesn’t mean that I’m perfect. I’m not. I need to change. To grow and learn. I can be a better sister. A better friend. A better wife and mother.

BUT – God isn’t telling me that He will love me WHEN I change. When I become the best mother and wife. He tells me that He loves me NOW. In all my imperfections.

He knows that I had something to give. That YOU have something to give. Your existence is not an accident. It’s amazing to think about the specific conditions that must happen for life to start. Temperatures. Timing. For life to stick around. When I think about that fact that if another sperm had fertilized the egg that is now Fitzy – we would have a completely different child. A child that we would love and cherish – but NOT Fitzy. Not Enoch. And we wouldn’t miss them because we wouldn’t know them – but how different everything would be. It’s not coincidence. It’s God.

He orchestrates every small detail of our lives – and every BIG detail. And you my friend – YOU are a BIG DETAIL!

BE CONFIDENT. Not cocky. BE SURE OF YOURSELF IN CHRIST. BECAUSE HE IS SURE OF YOU!

And having an Aunt Lori and a Jared Barden doesn’t hurt your confidence. Find the people that love you. Really genuinely love you. People that aren’t afraid to call you out. People who encourage you. I’m not talking about compliments for compliments sake. I’m talking about the people that speak life into you. And the people that give you constructive criticism. The people that love you and want you to be the BEST version of you that you can be.

Jared and I stopped giving Christmas gifts quite a while ago – typically because if we see something we want – we get it. Obviously – within reason.

We don’t really live life that way anymore – but we still don’t give gifts to each other.

BUT – Fitzy and Enoch shopped for us and for each other – so we were REALLY looking forward to opening those gifts!

That little handwriting – the excitement he could BARELY contain!

We LOVE our puzzles!!

Fitzy got Enoch a fence for his animals – his many many animals!

Enoch got Fitzy marbles and a car! And Enoch was SO surprised – he thought the things he picked out were for HIM!

We did get Jared a little gift – STAR WARS FOR LIFE!!

Fitzy picked out this sweatshirt for me! He said – MOM! It’s so ugly – I KNEW you would love it!

And the leggings – they were ONLY FOUR DOLLARS MOM!!

He asked if I would wear that sweatshirt EVERY CHRISTMAS! Yes sweet thing. Always.

Enoch got Jared a book of 5-minute STAR WARS stories!

And he got me a STAR WARS activity book and a mosaic sticker book!

Fitzy got a set of knives and his VERY OWN CUTTING BOARD!

We’ve played that game SO MUCH already!

Puzzles and games. Crayons and notebooks. Undies and matching shirts. And a lego set for Fitzy – one I’ve been holding onto for FOUR years!

I love that they didn’t need LOTS of presents under the tree. And almost everything I got them – I had bought on clearance throughout the year!! WIN WIN WIN!

Fitzy was VERY VERY excited about this lego set – he’s seen it in the closet for SO LONG! And he wasn’t expecting it because he isn’t 9 yet! And you should be 9 to build then on your own!

He worked most of Christmas day and the day after – with only a tiny bit of help from us!

I really really do not enjoy winter – but Christmas – I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!

I hope you had a lovely Christmas with the ones you love – snuggled up nice and warm doing ALL THE THINGS you love!

My mom has had this nativity for as long as I can remember – and she let us borrow it for our Christmas Eve service!

Our Christmas Eve service had cookies and hot chocolate and some cookies and fireworks and bonfires and cookies – did I mention the cookies!?

That guy – he wants to be a hunter like his Pa!

My bestest – she’s the bestest!

Those boys love their Mara!!

That gorgeous little guy – he’s super sweet!

That special bond between a grandmother and her little guy!

I love witnessing the world through a child’s eyes! Everything becomes so MAGICAL!

Enoch really didn’t LOVE the fireworks – he ended up inside – away from the BOOMS!

I hope your Christmas was spent with the ones you love – we LOVE our church family!