When we had our AMAZING session with Rachel Absher in November – I though for sure I would be ordering a canvas print from her – but her collages were so tempting!

I dropped off our print at The Hidden Artist in Troy a few weeks ago to have it matted & framed – and COULD NOT BE HAPPIER!

Thank you again Rachel for our BEAUTIFUL photos! Thank you Steve for the AMAZING matting & framing job!

I met Roxanne through Cindy Fitzgerald!!

Roxanne and Ben’s son Colin was born premature at 21 weeks – he lived one precious week with his momma and dad before passing on August 7th of last year. Cindy asked if I would be interested in talking with Roxanne about her loss – since we both lost babies. We lost Enoch at 10 weeks into my pregnancy – never saw his face – never heard his heartbeat – never felt his kick. Although we both lost babies – Roxanne had looked into Colin’s face – heard his heartbeat – felt and saw him kick. I didn’t know how I would be able to say anything to her – so I just gave her a hug and let her know that I knew – on some level – how she felt.

Roxanne is one of the people in my life that I don’t know if I would have met had we not lost our first child. I am so thankful that she is in our lives! It’s amazing to me to think about all the people that I know because of losing Enoch. This is what I told Roxanne – as much as I sit here and cry with you – I hope that someday you can sit with another momma who has lost a child and cry with her.

Roxanne has a profile on Faces of Loss – Faces of Hope about their sweet son Colin – check it out!

Roxanne & Ben – you are stronger than you know! Your love was so evident throughout our session!

Roxanne – you are a natural in front of the camera!

LOVE THOSE SHOTS!

Roxanne’s necklace is a tribute to Colin – their star in the sky.

Roxanne & Ben – I am so blessed to know you! You are beautiful people who love your son so much! Thank you for being a part of my life!

We watched a video in church a few weeks ago – that made me cry! It showed the defining moments in your life – from birth to that last breath.

Here are some of my favorite moments – my hardest moments – my defining moments!

When my sister and I were little we lived in an upstairs apartment in Waverly with three kiddos that lived below us. I can remember running up and down our stairs with these boys and playing with them. When Derek was born we moved into the trailer court until I was 10. My Grandma Trout used to take us to church with her. We used to spend the night at her house but at 3 in the morning I would need to go home – so my Grandpa Trout would take me home. I remember sitting in the front seat of his little blue car and watching the napkins on the dashboard flutter in the wind from the windows. We played legos on the floor of the living room for hours. Samm and I would sit in the bathtub in our pajamas and read paragraphs to each other out of different books. We would put dance shows on for the neighborhood and my mom would record them for us. We usually wore our bathing suits with a skirt – and the dance moves were pretty cheesy! We would play dress up with the neighbor girls and her Grandma always had those pink mints set out. I had headaches almost every day until third grade – sleeping – throwing up – crying. My brother was playing swords with a neighbor boy once and got hit on the head. Samm came running in with blood all over her and poor Derek. My mom put him in the bathtub and we cried and cried. When I was sick or scared I would go to mom and dad’s room and climb in bed with them. My mom had a wooden club in the closet that looked like a monster head – so creepy! One night – either Samm or I thought or really saw someone in the hallway and screamed. My dad came running out of their room in his underwear ready to tackle the imaginary intruder. We climbed trees – played in the creek and leaves – rode our bikes around the park – watched cartoons – had a great childhood!

On Christmas day – 1990 – my Grandpa Trout died. I remember being in the living room and my mom answering the phone. I remember the look on her face – the change in her voice. Telling my dad the news and we all sat on the couch and cried. It didn’t snow that Christmas – and every Christmas since then hasn’t been the same. We moved into the farmhouse my dad grew up in once June of 1991 came around. My Grandma Trout lived downstairs and we lived upstairs – sharing a kitchen. We remodeled the entire upstairs. We got a Sega Genesis for Christmas one year – and played and played and played! We would play baseball in the front yard with our cousin Matt – superheroes in the backyard – spend hours in the shale pit!

Going into middle school – we all got baptized as a family! My parents had given their life to Jesus after my Grandpa died and my dad stopped drinking – creating a new chapter in our lives! I met my friend Sara and we hung out all the time – youth group functions – weekends at her house – movies. I remember sitting in her living room and watching the Waterfalls video from TLC over and over again. Letting my friends know about my new life in Jesus – inviting them to every church function we had! Going to the movies with my friends and getting kicked out of the theater cus they were so loud and wondering if my mom was going to be so mad at me! Running through our cow fields with my sister and the boys we liked! Switching churches from Bentley Creek to Athens – meeting our friend Jamie and spending every weekend with her!

Pottery and photography class in high school – sitting next to Lucas in drafting class for years – listening to country music on the bus rides to and from school. Learning (and hating) how to drive – painting our room bright blue and spilling it all over the car on my first drive without my mom or dad – leaving my English classroom because the substitute had us watch Jerry Springer on a daily basis. Spending the night with Adrianne and Rachel – swimming in Andi’s pool and finding her cat in the dryer (she was okay). Becoming editor of the yearbook – struggling with my OCD with copying notes and recopying notes and then copying them over one more time. Waking up one morning and not being able to swallow – dealing with eating applesauce and smooshed foods for months while my mind got over this issue. Being terrified of going to college and leaving my family!

Spending the summer before college with my sister – savoring every moment! My mom and dad dropping me off at Philadelphia University and crying as they left. Meeting Trudy – my RA – and making a connection with her – getting me through that first semester in college. Calling my parents and begging them to come get me – let me come home and quit. My dad being tough and telling me that I couldn’t quit – that I needed to stay and finish the semester – not understanding why he had to be so tough on me. I would cry the whole car ride home and the whole car ride back to college – every time! Transferring to Mansfield University – chopping all my hair off – staying in my room and studying – not associating with anyone. Listening to Trudy on the other end of the phone telling me that she had read Left Behind and needed Jesus in her life – could I help her with that! Rejoicing in her life with Jesus!

Working at the deli the first summer in college – meeting James and his family and hanging out with everyone till 3 in the morning almost every night. Derek, Samm, and I were so close that summer – leaving my parents to work on their rough moment at their 20 year mark. Drive-ins – mini-golf – movies – parks – swimming – driving – spending time enjoying my last year as a teenager! Fighting with my sister over boys – sometimes getting really heated. Going back to college and having a roommate that loved Jesus! Meeting everyone at CCC and FCA – meeting my life-long friends! Moving into the suite the next semester and meeting the girls and Josh – who became my best friend for the next 2 years. Spending the summer following Emerson Drive with my sister – driving all night sometimes – going to Ohio and staying in a hotel just to see them perform at a country fair. Spending time with the girls in the suite – going to the beach for the first time in Delaware! Late night talks and video games – witnessing and wondering – hoping and praying. The smell of Mansfield in the spring – skipping class to play football on the lawn – road trips to the Canyon.

Meeting Jared. Not knowing if he was someone I wanted – I needed – if I could let go of the boy I was already hung up on! Hanging out with Jared and falling in love with him – our first kiss – the first time he told me he loved me – traveling to State College to visit him during the summer. Coming back to school in the fall and realizing that my life was going so fast. Jared proposing – graduating college – getting married! Moving into our first apartment – learning to live with each other – to love each other! Getting a job at Phoenix – moving into the downstairs apartment – moving in with Jared’s parents when he lost his job. Meeting Johna and feeling like I met a long-lost sister! Moving into Jared’s grandparent’s house and making it our own.

Struggling with pain in my head that I though was a brain tumor – wanting to die instead of spending another moment in such intense pain. Becoming closer to Jared and closer to God through the struggles – the pain – the diagnosis of TMJ disorder and what would happen from here – praying for healing – for a miracle – for the chance to become a mother someday without worrying about being in pain every minute. Finding Dr. Robinson through a miracle connection and being fitted with a retainer that offered nearly 100% relief – remembering what life felt like without pain every moment.

Talking with Jared about getting a puppy and starting a family! We both found Schrute on a website and called each other and said I FOUND HIM – we knew he was ours! Driving to Pittsburgh in a snowstorm to pick him up and finding out 2 weeks later that we were pregnant! Making the decision to quit Phoenix and make barden photography a full-time dream come true! Getting so excited about our first appointment to see our miracle and seeing nothing – the devastation – the heartache – the confusion and anger. Wondering what went wrong – waiting to miscarry and say goodbye – starting to try again – and try and try and try with no answers. Blogging both my professional and personal life – meeting mommas and daddas that also struggle with loss and the want of a child. Being blessed and being a blessing to those people who I now consider dear friends.

Having a great first two years with barden photography – loving my clients and all the special people that God put in our lives through photography. Being there for other women dealing with loss and infertility. Being very angry with God – yelling at him and not trusting His plan – crying every day and having my heart scream at the sight of a baby or pregnancy. Knowing that Jared wanted to help and there was nothing anyone could say or do – being so sad it hurt.

Praying for answers and peace and comfort and finally reaching that point – finding out a day later that we were pregnant again! Wondering and praying and worrying and hoping this baby was meant to be in our arms and not with his brother. Knowing that being a momma was my dream and first love and putting barden photography in second place. Struggling with the decision and excited with our little one’s arrival! Finding out that we were going to have a bay boy – sharing the news with everyone we love! Loving my husband more today – almost 7 years married – than I ever thought I could. Waiting for our baby boy to be in our arms – two months from now!

What are your defining moments – your memorable moments – your favorite moments?

A few weeks ago Jared woke up with a very unfriendly stomach and stayed home from work – camping out on the couch. I try very hard to be sympathetic – which you know is a struggle for me! Schrute – however – is VERY sympathetic!

I just LOVE him!!

He is such a good little protector! I really think he will be great with Fitzy – if anything – too loving!

When I left for MOPS that morning I caught a photo of the HUGE icicle hanging from our house! I also got a dirty look from Schrute – how dare I leave him!

He is just the BEST!

I had to take some newborn shots of Rowyn while we were visiting! She was so beautiful and perfect! Derek thought she would be cold and fussy – but she was such a natural!

SERIOUSLY – look at that face!! How adorable is she!!

Such a sweet baby!

Oh the chubbiness!

Jessica wanted some photos with the necklace from her wedding – such a great idea!

SO PRECIOUS!!

Jessica looks FANTASTIC for just giving birth nearly two weeks ago!

Such a sweet little family!!

You guys are incredible parents! I cannot wait for Fitzy and Rowyn to meet and grow up together!!

My baby brother Derek and his wife had their first child on February 7th! Rowyn Beth is the first grandchild on our side and Jessica’s side of the family!

Derek and Jessica live in Kentucky where Derek is attending seminary until the end of May! They are looking for jobs this summer and we hope that they find one near home!

A few weeks ago my mom, dad, cousin, and I drove the 12 hours to Kentucky to spend a couple days with the baby and new parents!

We ran into a traffic accident – which turned out to be a mobile meth lab scare – detouring us FOUR hours! We should have gotten to KY at 6 but didn’t pull in their driveway till 10 PM! Thankfully Rowyn was up for some snuggles before we went to bed!

My mom – Gramma Trout – loves squishing Rowyn’s cheeks!!

My brother is an AMAZING father! He loves his little girl so much!

I love love LOVE those shots! She is so comfortable in her dadda’s arms!

Holding her for the first time!

Our cousin Matt – Uncle Bunny – to his nephew – holding Rowyn!

Holding dadda’s hand!

Oh my heart! It just melts at the sight of Derek with his daughter!

Rowyn telling Grampa Trout how it is!! Love those photos!

Gramma was pinching her cheeks again!

Gramma and Grampa Trout with their first grandchild!

I just love love LOVE her!

Rowyn and her momma!

She is so incredibly sweet! Stay tuned for her newborn shoot over the next few days!

Caity’s mom contacted me about setting up a senior session for her daughter this winter! I love winter sessions! I wish more people were willing to schedule them and be out in the cold.

We met on a breezy February afternoon and had a great time!

I love love LOVE those shots!!

We ventured upstairs in her Grandma’s garage and found this guitar!

LOVE LOVE LOVE!

LOVE that one too!!

That shot might be my favorite!!!

Thanks again Caity for making the trip down from Syracuse! I can’t wait to see you again for our summer session!!

BARDEN PHOTOGRAPHY – BEAUTIFUL

I only got 10 entries this year – which was disappointing since last year I got over 35!

THANK YOU to the people that did submit – your entries were so touching!

Stephani wrote about Chip and his five children – such a moving submission! Thank you Stephani for entering their family into the contest! Make sure to tell Chip CONGRATS!

Sarah wrote about Kimarie & Chris and their 3 (almost 4) boys! Sarah wrote about how much the *G* family has meant to her throughout her teenage years and how their love has inspired her! Thank you so much Sarah for submitting the *G* family! Make sure to tell them CONGRATS!

I love love LOVE this contest and am looking forward to MANY more submissions when next year rolls around!

Sam & Kristin have two beautiful boys at home and welcomed a baby girl in mid-February!

Sam is part of the *V* family that I have photographed on several different occasions! I love this family!

I visited Kristin in the hospital the day *E* was born!

She is so precious!

Look at that little smile!

I love that last photo – such a special moment! Thank you so much for allowing me to capture these few frames for you!

Once Kristin had been home for a few weeks – we set up her newborn session!

We had to get some shots of their family first!

Dadda and his girl!

I know that picture on the left is blurry – but I just LOVE it!

Their oldest – *B* – he is such a sweet little guy!

Their little guy – *I* – he cuddled right up with me!

How sweet is she!

SO SWEET!

She DID NOT like the tutu – but I couldn’t resist with this picture!

Thank you again Sam & Kristin! I cannot wait for our babies to grow up together!