Last week we met with someone to talk about what we have been going through in life.<\/p>\n
Jared and I both have been down and out for the count – it seems like life has thrown us every curve ball it has.<\/p>\n
Usually in hard times one of us is strong and can help the other out of the sadness – but this had knocked us both out. We have been moody and cranky and touchy and hard to live with. I have the need to control – and it seemed that my life was spinning out and I wanted to grab hold of anything that I could control. Jared and\u00a0 I were arguing every minute we spent together. We were taking out our anger and confusion on each other.<\/p>\n
Two of my dear friends called me to check on me and see if I was okay. I was not okay – and they were concerned. My Aunt L had told me weeks ago that I needed to call someone and talk – we finally made the decision.<\/p>\n
My biggest obstacle was TRUST – since this happened – how can I trust that it won’t happen again? I have only been pregnant once and the result was a miscarriage – I am terrified about being pregnant again. The attitude I had was that I trusted God before and it ended without a baby – why should I trust again.<\/p>\n
Why should I trust again? Why wouldn’t I trust again is the question!<\/p>\n
The person we talked to reminded us of the things we already knew. Jesus had to trust God – God had never died before – Jesus had to trust His Father. There is no relationship with God without TRUST – plain and simple. A relationship with God is a very real relationship. There are tons of emotions involved – anger – love – joy – frustration – confusion – TRUST – most importantly TRUST!<\/p>\n
We can be angry and frustrated with God but we cannot remain there. God feels out hurts – He knows every emotion and feeling. Without trust – there is no relationship with God – no relationship with Jesus.<\/p>\n
Having a child is the desire of my heart – God did not take our child away from us – thankfully Jesus was there waiting for Enoch to take him home. We will trust God for the next time – and IF we have a miscarriage again (you have to know that I am a “glass half-empty” kind of girl) – then we will trust Him to bring us through it. He will.<\/p>\n
Like I said – I am terrified of being pregnant again – but we cannot live our lives in fear.<\/p>\n
Jared and I are feeling better – much better – I still have those moments where I miss Enoch – I miss taking a picture of my growing belly each week – I miss the anticipation of shopping for maternity clothes – I miss having a baby shower – I miss the anticipation of feeling a kick for the first time – seeing our baby on the US for the first time – hearing a heart beat for the first time. I miss everything about the motherhood that I was so looking forward to. I miss everything about the miracle of life.<\/p>\n
I have to trust that the desire of my heart will be granted – and trust that if we don’t have a child – God knows what is going on.<\/p>\n
There are times when I hold that sweet baby *M* that I love so dear and my heart aches for my child. There are those times that I see what seems like everyone getting ready for their baby – and my heart aches more than I ever knew it could. But we TRUST that God will get us through.<\/p>\n
In my last post about our sweet one – I said that I didn’t agree with the statement that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.<\/p>\n
It is written – and TRUE!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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