{"id":3899,"date":"2009-03-30T11:46:30","date_gmt":"2009-03-30T16:46:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/?p=3899"},"modified":"2009-03-30T11:46:30","modified_gmt":"2009-03-30T16:46:30","slug":"thoughts-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/2009\/thoughts-2\/","title":{"rendered":"THOUGHTS"},"content":{"rendered":"

Jared and I are doing okay \u2013 I had a little bit of a breakdown Friday night coming over to my parents. Since we found out about the miscarriage I haven\u2019t really had a minute to breathe and think and take it all in totally.<\/span><\/p>\n

Last Sunday I went to the nursery during church to see some sweet babies \u2013 I snatched up one of the sweeties and rocked him to sleep. Mandy \u2013 who has a little boy and is due in May with a little girl \u2013 was in there waiting to give me a hug. We have the same doctor in Sayre and she knows just how bad I have been wanting a baby. It was tough being in there \u2013 but at the same time I needed it. <\/span><\/p>\n

On the way to my parents I just started crying \u2013 knowing that it\u2019s still just not fair. <\/span><\/p>\n

Like I said before \u2013 I know the answers to the questions \u2013 but that doesn\u2019t make it any easier. <\/span><\/p>\n

Why us? <\/span><\/p>\n

How do we try this again? <\/span><\/p>\n

What if we have another miscarriage? <\/span><\/p>\n

How do we get excited about being pregnant again? <\/span><\/p>\n

How do we go through it \u201calone\u201d \u2013 since you more than likely won\u2019t tell everyone this time? <\/span><\/p>\n

If we have another baby \u2013 how do you not see the one that you miss every time you look at your child? <\/span><\/p>\n

People say \u2013 at least you know you can get pregnant again. I think \u2013 Yes, I know that we can get pregnant again \u2013 but I was ready for little Enoch to be our child \u2013 I was ready to hold him when he got here \u2013 not someone else. <\/span><\/p>\n

I miss him. I don\u2019t know how to get over those feelings. <\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know how to not choke up every time I see a baby or hold a little child\u2019s hand. <\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know how to shake the feeling that someone is missing from our little family. I don\u2019t know how to make the hurt in my heart go away. <\/span><\/p>\n

Jared and I talked about the loneliness that we both feel \u2013 although we are surrounded by love and prayers \u2013 we still feel alone and lost sometimes.<\/span><\/p>\n

I know that God is near \u2013 I know that He is in control \u2013 but there are times when it is hard to be strong. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jared and I are doing okay \u2013 I had a little bit of a breakdown Friday night coming over to my parents. Since we found out about the miscarriage I haven\u2019t really had a minute to breathe and think and take it all in totally. Last Sunday I went to the nursery during church to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[8,11],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3899"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3899"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3899\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3899"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3899"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3899"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}