![\"100\"](\"\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/09\/1007.jpg\" "\\"100\\"")
<\/p>\nIf you didn’t read my WAITING blog – make sure to check that out before you read this – search under the baby barden tab.<\/p>\n
Our pastor had met with us in mid-August and told us that God was revealing to them that we needed to open our minds and hearts to having a child in our home that wasn’t ours biologically – then we would have our own children.<\/p>\n
Within a week my heart was changing. I had nothing wrong with adoption or foster care – but they just weren’t options for us. I wanted to be pregnant with OUR baby.<\/p>\n
I started to think more about foster care but I would never be able to give the babies back – then my heart started changing again. And I realized that if we could be in part of their lives for the time we would NEED to be there – it was better than the alternative – and I would be able to give them back.<\/p>\n
I am a VERY stubborn person – so to listen to myself have this huge change of heart was so strange!<\/p>\n
On Wednesday – September 1st – I was in the valley for some sessions and my Aunt asked if I could stop over and see if we could take my cousin’s baby home with us for the night. I stopped and packed him up and brought him back home with me for the night. He was so good. He never cried or whined – he laughed and giggled and never stopped smiling. He went to sleep at 10.30 and woke up at 4 – I got him a bottle and changed him and he went right back to sleep. In the morning I gave him a bath and fed him and ran about 15 errands – all the while taking him in and out of the car – and he was so good. I took him back to my aunt’s and swam in the pool and loved him some more.<\/p>\n
When I came home on Thursday I felt a peace like I haven’t felt in the past year and a half. I talked with my Gramma on Friday morning and told her that having *B* overnight made me realize that Jared and I are NOT ready for this. We have been married for 6 years and are very comfortable in our lives together. There are lots of things that we have going on and we just aren’t ready – and I am okay with that.<\/p>\n
For less than 24 hours I was FINALLY at peace about not having a baby – and then I get a positive test!<\/p>\n
I started crying and called Jared – but couldn’t get him to pick up – which is usual for him. I called Johna and cried and laughed and could hardly get the words out!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I tried very hard to NOT get pregnant in August – I have a TEXAS wedding on 5.1.2011 and a wedding on 5.14.2011 and weddings all summer long – we are going to Scotland in July! I have plans – plans that I had control over – or so I thought!<\/p>\n
I am still in total and utter shock and so thankful to a good and faithful God.<\/p>\n
I had an appointment this afternoon to make sure that I was indeed pregnant and figure out due dates and what not. As of right now – yes we are pregnant. Our due date is mid-May until confirmed with an ultrasound!<\/p>\n
Once we figure everything out – I will not be taking any appointments leading up to and after the baby is born – so the whole month of May, June and July – I will be keeping the weddings and appointments I already have though – unless you are a May wedding – then I have already talked with you and we are waiting to figure out what to do!<\/p>\n
Once August and September roll around I will only be taking 2 to 3 appointments a week and they will be local to Mansfield (other than that one day that I make trips to the valley for my chiropractor appointments). I have been thinking about this for a while and I will mostly be focusing on seniors, brides, maternity\/newborn\/infants\/kiddos and of course my weddings no more than twice a month. I will only be scheduling sessions after 5.30 once Jared gets home. It’s a very hard decision to make but I have been looking forward to having a little one for so long that I need to enjoy it!<\/p>\n
I know that lots of people don’t think we should be announcing so early – last time we did – and when we had our miscarriage – it was hard.<\/p>\n
I have shared EVERYTHING with all of you – every struggle – every heartache – every tear and fear. I NEED to share this joy with you all! I NEED all the prayers we can get!<\/p>\n
I won’t be sharing much at all over FACEBOOK – it has been so hard to see everyone and their sister on FACEBOOK being pregnant and happy. I have friends that are still struggling with conceiving and I want to be as sensitive as I can be.<\/p>\n
It’s still not fair. It’s never fair. It’s not fair that I have this news to share and there are still people struggling out there. It’s not fair that I am so scared about seeing that first US. It’s not fair that the thought of a miscarriage pops into my head.<\/p>\n
I am still praying for those of you who are struggling – hurting – and just plain angry. For that particular friend out there – we just had a conversation about all this the other day – I am praying that your heart will change – like mine has started to. I know the stubbornness in accepting what you can’t control – and I struggle with it even now. I want God to speak to me – not thru my MIL or Dave or our pastor – but directly to me. It’s not how it works. I know that there is a baby out there for you and your family. I KNOW it!!<\/p>\n
The only thing that has gotten me through this past year and a half – is Jesus – my relationship with God – and if you don’t have one – you should introduce yourself!<\/strong><\/p>\n I will be blogging updates as often as I have them – thank you SO much for praying for us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" If you didn’t read my WAITING blog – make sure to check that out before you read this – search under the baby barden tab. Our pastor had met with us in mid-August and told us that God was revealing to them that we needed to open our minds and hearts to having a child […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[8,11,24,30],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13825"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13825"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13825\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13825"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13825"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bardenphotography.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13825"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}