LOOK AT THAT FACE!

That’s the one I got as his 9 month canvas! I love that little face more than you know!

Oh momma – you’re embarrassing me!

Aren’t we done yet?

SERIOUSLY!

I am so thankful that Sabrina asked me to capture her 1st birthday party!

LOVE LOVE LOVE the ideas she incorporated!

LOOK AT THAT FACE!

Sabrina – thank you SO much again! I can’t wait to see you guys this summer!

LOOK AT THAT FACE! He is such a happy lovey baby!

That’s his newest favorite face!

He is such a little ham!

Oh Fitzy – I just adore your little face! You can hardly tell that you are so sick and stuffy.

Thankfully we got an antibiotic for his ear infection. He lost two pounds over the weekend since he stopped eating baby food but ate his breakfast like the normal piggy baby he is this morning!

He still gets up twice in the night but hasn’t been having his 4 AM parties – so that’s a plus!

In “new” baby news – I started bleeding a little yesterday and my doctor was awesome and got me right in for an ultrasound and blood work.

Yesterday marked 8 weeks according to my schedule. I’ve seen an 8 week ultrasound – I have a friend who is due right around the time we are and she was spotting and asked me to pray. She sent me the photos of her baby at 8 weeks. At 8 weeks on an ultrasound you can see a heart beating.

We didn’t get a photo yesterday. The tech measured my ovaries and then the gestational sac and the yolk sac. She told me that the blood work would have to confirm. I knew then. Even though I kind of knew something was wrong. With our first baby – I didn’t feel sick. I was exhausted but never sick. With Fitzy I was sick every morning. I haven’t been sick this time. I’ve been overly exhausted but not sick.

Our doctor called and told us the results – which I knew were not good. He said that he can’t tell for SURE but with blood work comparisons on Friday he will know for certain – but more than likely we will miscarry this baby. It looks like a blighted ovum – a type of miscarriage in which the baby either never develops or stops growing at a very early stage in pregnancy and then disintegrates – but a gestational sac does develop and the body does not recognize that the baby is missing. Googled that for you.

Now – it COULD be wrong – but I highly doubt it. Not because I don’t believe that God is still God and still performs miracles. But because I just haven’t felt right – haven’t felt pregnant. I haven’t really attached myself to this baby – it’s hard because once you’ve had a miscarriage you have this fear in the back of your mind that it will happen again. I had it with Fitzy but as soon as I was getting sick I felt better – I wanted to throw up EVERY MORNING if it meant that baby was still there.

Blighted ovum or not – I believe that life starts at the MOMENT of conception – so I believe that Enoch and our little baby (which I like to think would have been a girl – Joy (short for Joyce after my two grandmothers) Christina are in heaven. I believe that we will see them again. They have never felt pain or anger or fear or loss. They have only known the hugs of Jesus and His love and awesomeness.

So – it’s a waiting game to find out the comparative blood tests. Last time it took about a week after our ultrasound to miscarry.

More blogs will be coming once we find out the results and what not. I also plan on being back on facebook Sunday (I HAVE to make it to two weeks) BUT things will be completely different. I will not put up with crap. I will not put up with your insecurities that you blame on me. I will not participate in 13 year old gossip and attitudes.

I truly believe that God has used our miscarriage(s) to help those around us. Please keep praying for the now over 30 women and men on my list that want to hold sweet ones in their arms. You ask what you can do to help. Pray. Pray for me that anger and bitterness and jealousy and judgement don’t take over. I love to capture bellies and babies – but I get very angry when I should have had and don’t. I get bitter. I tend to pass judgement on who really deserves a baby or not. It’s not fair – but life’s not fair. PERIOD. So please pray that for me – cus I get angry about even the closest friends and family members that are pregnant or SEEM to not struggle with their pregnancies. And don’t tell me that at least we lost this “baby” while it wasn’t really a “baby” yet. I can promise you a kick in the neck.

To those of you who TRULY care and love us – thank you! I appreciate you more than you know! To those of you that don’t – I’m praying you can forgive me for whatever wrong I’ve done against you – if you are reading this and you think it’s about you – it most likely is.

OH MY WORD!

LOVE THOSE EYELASHES!

Arica – I love love LOVE photographing your little guy! He is just so cute!

You can find out about a tiny life growing inside you and have it burst out with that first breath – in 9 months.

You start school in the fall as a senior and graduate in the summer – suddenly an adult – in 9 months.

You can watch that tiny life that burst out of you grow into a climbing – crawling – babbling – smiling – not so tiny (but still pretty small) baby – in 9 months.

You can fall head over heels in love.

You can watch your entire life change.

You can discover that a hug from your child is the best gift in the world.

You can marvel at God’s love – through the eyes of this little baby.

In 9 months.

SHE IS SUCH A SWEETIE!!

Louise – thanks so much for inviting me into your home! I loved spending time with your little one!

LOOK AT THAT FACE! He is such a happy guy! Still not sleeping through the night – nor the greatest – but we are working on it and gaining slowly!

He says dada and whispers kitty cat – which is strange since we don’t have a cat. He loves his “toes – ears – nose” learning book – we probably read it 20 times a day!

Yesterday marked 7 weeks pregnant with our newest little baby! I am still in shock and waiting for more symptoms to show up – but each pregnancy is different (so they say) – and I do feel pretty awful in the evenings this time around.

We’ve been off facebook since Saturday morning – and I will admit I do miss it. BUT – I was/am seriously addicted and needed to get my face out of the computer and spend time with this little growing guy and my hubby and my house and my laundry. We plan on a two week hiatus but I am hoping to stay off (dare I say it) forever! I will always keep blogging about our life and my clients and their beautiful faces! I will always email a sneak peek to my clients that they can upload to facebook – but I am so sick of the drama.

I’m sick of other photographers messaging be and blaming me for their problems. I’m sick of asking for forgiveness and people using facebook as a means of throwing it back in my face. I’m sick of writing a status and people being offended thinking it’s about them. I’m sick of seeing a status update and assuming it’s about me. I’m sick of liking a video or comment and getting crap from people who think it’s offensive. I’m sick of people assuming the worst about where I spend my time. I’m sick of family members who can’t grow up and tell me what their problem is. So – I’m done! If I can convince Jared to stay off too – then we won’t be back.

PS – don’t forget about that . babies . babies . babies . special! And don’t forget to keep up with my hubbie!

Her little girl is betrothed to Fitzy!

OH MY WORD!

*L* told me that he reads the paper EVERY SINGLE DAY! So we had to get a picture of that!

I love love LOVE that top picture!

She was such a little model for me!

Look at those two little teeth!

LOOK AT HER! She is such a doll!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that dresser! And those shots!

Sheri – thank you SO much for having me into your home! I cannot WAIT to capture your family this summer!

He is tiny and sweet – such a little miracle!

OH MY HEART!

I can’t even remember Fitzy being that tiny! They are just so perfect!

Melanie – he is BEAUTIFUL! I am so happy for you!

38 weeks is the last picture I have since we had Fitzy before our week 39 picture could happen!

Here is a comparison at 38 weeks in and 38 weeks out!

He is such a happy – lovey – joyous – smart baby!

He can crawl – pull himself up to standing – wave – scowl – and loves to give hugs!

I cannot believe that as I sit here and type this – we have another little one on the way! Absolutely crazy!

I cannot wait to have a belly and to feel Fitzy’s little brother or sister move around! I LOVE LOVE LOVE being pregnant!

Some – if not all of you – may have noticed that we aren’t friends on FACEBOOK anymore. I deactivated my account – Jared and I both! We plan on a two week hiatus (if not longer)! It’s been a day and Jared and I have talked more – spent more time together – gone to sleep earlier – it’s AMAZING! I know that my barden photography page is also gone – which totally sucks – but it was we needed to do.

I will be updating my blog a little more with some personal stuff – and client photos as usual!

Don’t forget about the . babies . babies . babies . special!