The craziness of the Trout family and friends. Derek and Jessica got back from their honeymoon on Hawaii on Saturday and my parents held a reception for them in PA.
My grampa made this for the newlyweds.
We got a little carried away with clean up.
This coming Monday I will turn 27. I can’t believe that’s possible. A little girl I know will turn 7 the day before my birthday. Saturday there was an early birthday celebration for her.
When I was little I knew I wanted to grow up to be one thing. A mother. I always imagined myself having children much earlier that what it seems it will be. When I sit down and think about having babies, I nearly panic. What happens when you don’t know what to do, what happens when they get hurt, what happens when you are responsible for this tiny life and you make mistakes? I’ve come to the conclusion that if everyone sat down and thought long and hard about having kids, no one would actually do it. It is crazy and yet – I imagine – is the most rewarding experience ever. Lately, I have been thinking about it more and more. When I get to the point that I think I can deal – physically – with being a mother, my jaw reminds me that I can’t. I know that there are people out there that are in more pain and turmoil than me – and they do it.
I’m writing – babbling – today to ask you to pray for me.
For those of you who don’t know what I am talking about – I have TMJ – pretty severe. In the spring of 2006 I had a LOT of stress in my life. I started to experience headaches, sinus pain, numbness, tingling, panic attacks – you name it. I went to my family docs and they put me on sinus medications and steroids – with no results. Finally I had my mom – cus we all need our moms sometimes – come over and take me to the doctor. He told me to open my mouth as wide as I could – 20 pops later he told me that I was more than likley experiencing TMJ. He referred me to the only “specialist” in the region. He took X-rays and told me that my jaw was arthritic and deteriorating – I had no cartlidge left to work with. He gave me a muscle relaxer – which is only a monthly relief- and a night splint to sleep with. I gave up gum, candies, steak – anything that required immense amounts of chewing. The pain subsided and stayed at a level of bearable for a while. I would have good days and bad days. The “specialist” told me there wasn’t really a lot that could be done. I left myself with that answer. Life was miserable at some points. I thank God for putting a STRONG – LOVING – WONDERFUL man into my life that has been through it all with me.
Anyway. I am back to being miserable and in pain almost all the time. I was so excited at the prospect of maybe starting a family soon – but when I can barely manage to make it through the day – I don’t let the thought even seep in.
I know in my heart of hearts that God will heal me. I don’t know how – but I know that He will. I am asking you – my readers, my family, me friends – to pray with me. Pray for me. I want to start a family more than anything I can think of – but I want to be pain-free and be able to manage having children.
Thank you and God bless you.
All said and done, we had a GREAT time. It was emotional watching my little brother take care of someone else – starting his own family. I cried during the mother-son dance and had to hand the camera over to my sister.
The best man for Derek was our cousin Matt, who is like the big brother I never had. My dad’s sister Lori and her husband Bob and been very large influences in our lives. Their sons, BJ and Matt, have grown up with us and have been great role models. I really enjoy the connection between Matt and Derek. With Derek never having a brother, I think he considers Matt to be the closest you get.
I added this picture below out of sequence to show the relationship between the two of them. I am so blessed to call them both family.
This next one is a picture of my aunt and uncle. I wish you could see more of his face, and I hope aunt L doesn’t shoot me for posting this picture of her, but i LOVE it. I didn’t even take it, Samm did. I love the love between the two of them. I consider my aunt L to be a kindred spirit and my uncle loves us so much he would literally jump in front of a train for us. I enjoyed seeing my family interact at Derek’s wedding. Your own wedding flies by so quick you don’t have time to blink and I missed those little details. I am truly blessed to have an amazing family and a new sister-in-law to join the chaos.
This last one is also a Samm original of me and Jared getting our groove on …
My brother got married on Saturday. It was a long drive, a beautiful wedding, and an amazing life they are starting together.
More to come …
May is flying by in a flash. I try and get out every day and take some shots of the changing scenery.
